AIBU to not want to help at the party?

[GrandmaSharkdodo]

So, a friend of mine(let's call her Louise) has a garden with a pool and also has a DD who is 8. She is a lovely friend and we get on well. My DD is 2 and plays a lot with her's. I received a text from Louise asking us to a pool party in a few weeks. Great. I ask what I can bring, and she goes on to tell me that really the party is for her DD and five friends from school, and in reality she is worried about having so many children at the pool as her DH won't be around, so she wants another adult there to help. To be honest if there are more older kids going I know my DD won't be herself as she is shy and I worry enough about her at the pool to really be able to help out with strangers' kids as well.
So, AIBU to sit out the party, but leave my friend without help? Or should I be kind and lend her a hand, even though I don't even know these children?
Yes, YABU. You should help.a.friend in a tricky spot.
No, YANBU. Friend needs to be responsible for her own party planning.

Offer to host the younger daughter at yours that afternoon.

@PicaK

Offer to host the younger daughter at yours that afternoon.

The younger child is OPDD

@GrandmaSharkdodo

Thanks for the responses. My reaction was to not go as I worry enough about my DD near the water. But then I felt bad for my friend as she's quite stressed out.

this is not an unreasonable concern and I would 100% share the same fears...

Say No to this party 🌸

I wouldn't take a 2yo, but if I could leave 2yo with someone I would help

I would certainly help a friend out in this situation. I would leave the 2 year old with her DF so I didn't have to keep an eye on her though.

Depends on how good a friend, I would help mine out but try to see if dad/grandparents can have your dc

Of course you should help. It's what friends do. Isn't there someone else who could look after your child while the party is on?
And as for your child feeling shy if other children are there, well the day isn't really about her

If your dp is available to help with your DD I would go and help w friend, if not then no sorry you're not be available.

8 yo allowed to be unaccompanied as long as they can swim 2 lengths at our council pool so I'm sure you'll be able to concentrate on your child in the pool. I think yabu, be nice for her to backscatter adult there.

@TeenMinusTests

Is the 2yo's Dad around? Can you leave your DD with him and help your friend?

This was my first thought too. If I had a genuine friend who would do the same for me, I would probably see if I could get child care and help out. This is the sort of thing my group of friends did and do for each other so it would be quite normal for one of them to ask me and I would do my best to help. We are very close though

@lardylegs123

Of course you should help. It's what friends do. Isn't there someone else who could look after your child while the party is on? And as for your child feeling shy if other children are there, well the day isn't really about her

😳

Can you leave the 2 year old with someone else and just help your friend? I wouldn’t take a 2 year old near a pool and risk being distracted or responsible for other children.

Are you able to leave your child with your partner or family member so that you can help your friend out

I would if she's a good friend. I wouldn't bring dd though. Must be awkward for her trying to sort this on her own. It's just the way she asked you is a bit rude. I think she will be very grateful and it's a one off. You'll soon know if she's a cf and you can react accordingly. For now I would just help her out

She sounds like a lovely generous friend not a 'taker' as some people have said. I would help out. You have use of her pool anytime anyway so helping out at a pool party is a kind payback x

I'd leave dd at home and just go to be a supervisor to help your friend if she has one else.

@imscaredpleasehelp

tell her to tell their mums to stay!

^^ This

Good idea OP. You sound like a good friend

For six 8 year olds, your friend really needs someone who will be on proper lifeguard duty, i.e. their only job is to supervise the kids in the pool and not be thinking about anything else.

Sadly an 8 year old boy died in our local pool many years ago when I was young, that was whilst a lifeguard was on duty too.

Thanks everyone. She is a good friend, and has done me plenty of favours too. Neither of us have family here so we help each other out.

@BoxHedge oh that's so scary!!! I hate hearing these stories. You have to be so careful with children in pools!

@lardylegs123 my point wasn't so much about my DD not having fun, (although I obviously don't want her to have a terrible time) but more that she is likely to be clingy and whingy all day, so id be less helpful as dealing with her. Anyway, it's no problem as DH will have our DD at home and I will help.out Louise.

I know, I remember a couple of times feeling I was drowning in pools as a child, with family all around. Both times there was no particular trigger, I just got in the wrong shape in the water or something and couldn’t get afloat.

I would be so nervous about these parties. Luckily we don’t have any friends with pools!

@RedHelenB I'm not sure what you meant at the end, but I think a small but deep private pool is different to a public pool tbf. Public pool has a lifeguard for one, and my friend's pool has a shallow end that I can only just stand up in, not a large shallow part for children. Plus I don't know these children and have no idea if they can do one length or 25. But I will go without the little one to help out.

Drownings can happen really fast so while I’d be happy to go and help with food, set up etc I would not be able to keep an eye on everyone’s children and would tell her that.