Is happiness a choice?

[nothappy2021]

Is happiness perception and/or is happiness a choice?

I’m a very anxious person (and have become even worse since having my DC), to the point where it’s ruining my marriage as my DH is struggling to cope. I want to be happy but just feel like my default setting is to be anxious, worried and down. I can’t seem to get out of that mindset.

My question is, can you force yourself to be happy and less anxious by trying to see the positive in everything and just having a general “don’t give a shit” attitude? I’ve tried but can’t seem to stick at it for long and just sink back into feeling low. Am I just not trying hard enough? How can I change my mindset?

OP, are from what you are describing here, you are worrying about stuff but you are actually carrying on as a normal person. Or is this is actually impacting your ability to conduct day to day tasks and you are just not wanting to mention it?

I think a lot of what you and people here are describing is just worrying a lot.

I am not sure that worrying about stuff is of itself a clinical anxiety for order.

I had an anxiety disorder. I would be frozen for long periods of time unable to walk to the loo or do up my shoes. A large part of the problems and solutions on this thread are about people who are actually pretty mentally well but just worry about stuff. Misunderstanding that as mental illness is what gives people such a cavalier attitude to mental illness.

If you are just worrying too much about stuff than get a good night’s sleep, do some mindfulness and a bit of self help CBT.

Fir me it wasn't choosing to be happy as such, it was choosing to get treatment for my mh problems. CBT, meds to deal with depression and eating disorder. There is a very distinct before and after and my quality of life now is amazing but I had to chose to get treatment. Good luck.

Yes but only after having had therapy (and proper therapy not just CBT)

There's a good quote from the stoic Marcus Aurelius when it comes to worries about the future..

“Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.”

You could waste your present life on worries about an unknowable future, and it won't do your future any good, it will just harm your present. Just trust that you will manage whatever comes your way and do what you can at the time.

If you are just worrying too much about stuff than get a good night’s sleep, do some mindfulness and a bit of self help CBT.

@LibertyMole There’s a lot more to it than getting a good night’s sleep I think. I mean, surely I shouldn’t feel highly anxious about going to the supermarket? Surely that isn’t normal? Or is it?!

I’ve felt like this for my whole life pretty much and it has held me back in so many ways. If only it could be cured by a good night’s sleep.

@suggestionsplease1 that is a great quote, thank you

@lilmishap thanks for sharing your experience, that sounds like it would help me no end. I am going to give my GP a call.

Sertraline is amazing for intrusive thoughts. I personally hope to spend my whole life on sertraline.

Medication can be transformative for some in this area OP, so maybe worth exploring with your GP alongside CBT if you haven't already. I would agree that a lot of the medication works well for depression and anxiety (may need some experimentation), and there is a lot of co-occurrence / overlap between the two conditions anyway.

I would also say that anxiety, with the right treatments, is an area where there really can be dramatic improvements for people over time. I see a lot of people (caveat - I'm not a GP but I work with a lot of people experiencing mental health concerns) who I think initially don't really believe this, or don't believe it's possible for them... and then a few months or years later it's a completely different picture for them.

‘I’ve felt like this for my whole life pretty much and it has held me back in so many ways. If only it could be cured by a good night’s sleep.’

Well yes, I thought you might be minimising earlier.

I think that is the starting point for working out what to do OP. How has it held you back?

Anxiety can seem so all encompassing. But if you actually list the things that make you anxious, they will be finite. Even if there are twenty or fifty or a hundred anxiety inducing things, it won’t be every single thing in the world. Then you can start to really reflect on why those things in particular make you anxious and start to tackle them.

‘I mean, surely I shouldn’t feel highly anxious about going to the supermarket? Surely that isn’t normal? Or is it?!’

It doesn’t matter if it is normal or not. It matters if it is a problem for you.

I mean, it wouldn’t be a priority for me to overcome that issue because I do my food orders online.