To be furious about covid restrictions for maternity scans/birth?

[SaraKatie]

I'll preface this by saying I'm not from the UK, I'm Irish, and we have a horrific track record on women's health issues (from the Magdalene laundries right up to our recent cervical check horror). But I am absolutely outraged by our "visitor" restrictions for maternity appointments, ACTUAL BIRTHS, and postnatal hospital stays. Partners are not visitors.

I gave birth to my first child in January 2020, so I'm lucky as it was pre-covid. She hasn't had a single check-up performed by her community nurse since March 2020, and has had important and time-sensitive medical appointments cancelled, but that's a whole other topic. However, during my maternity leave I met loads of mums who did give birth during the pandemic and heard all sorts of horror stories first-hand. Giving birth alone because their partners were only allowed in when they were in active labour, which was too late. Having their cervix checked multiple times when they didn't want it, just because they were so desperate to have their partners be let in. Being left alone for days on a ward after a c-section with no help, because the nurses were swept off their feet and their partners were not allowed in. I've also met multiple women who attended scans alone to find out they had miscarried, and who then had to tell their partners this devastating news. It's barbaric.

We are opening up. I can get my hair done. I can go and clothes shop. But we still can't have partners with us for our scans. I had an early miscarriage last month. I'm now pregnant again and booking in for an early pregnancy scan. I'm extremely nervous about it. My husband is not allowed attend with me.

Why can't they do a rapid covid test before the scans so partners can attend? They do them at a cosmetic clinic several of my friends attend for botox. Swab in the carpark. 20 minutes later they have a result. Partners could stay a metre away from the clinician doing the scans. They could wear masks. Hell, they could wear full PPE. They want to be at their children's scans just as much as the pregnant women want them there.

It just feels like Ireland doesn't give a shit about women once again.

YANBU, that’s absolutely unacceptable, and it wouldn’t be like that if men had babies.

Yanbu. I had to attend my anomaly scan alone and find out my baby was incredibly poorly and wouldn't survive. Then navigate my way home to my dh who was waiting excitedly to find out what we were having and tell him what had gone on.

I am having a MC currently and have been able to have him there for those scans but he has to sit outside until I get called in. I have PTSD as a result of my first loss and find it all incredibly difficult to navigate.

OP, it’s appalling I couldn’t agree more. I wish I could say I was surprised.

I’m Irish incase that wasn’t clear

YANBU, I discovered that I was having a MMC during a 14 week scan last year and was also alone. It has been almost a year since and yet I still experience panic attacks and have bouts of being extremely tearful. Being alone and not having my DH there made it all so much worse.

Yanbu, I had my anatomy scan last year in Wales alone and found out my baby was very sick, they didn't even allow my partner up to see me after telling me my son was sick, nor did they explain anything to me just sent me home. I had another scan the following week at a hospital an hour's drive away, again alone and got even worse news. We were then reffered to a different hospital in Bristol for fetal medicine and they thankfully allowed him in with me then. It ended in tfmr and he was allowed in with me for the induction and birth thank goodness because I could not have coped with labouring to bring my dead son into the world alone. I am pregnant again now and have been told my partner is allowed in to the 12 week scan, why aren't Ireland allowing partners?

YANBU it’s absolutely awful

I do agree that this would be upsetting and I would hate to give birth during the pandemic. However, on the other side of it I had to have surgery for serious health problems before Christmas last year. I was in hospital for almost two weeks and couldn’t have any visitors, not my husband, kids, nobody. So I don’t think it’s restricted to just maternity, of course that’s just my area, not sure about yours.

A friend gave birth, a long drawn out attempted induction, slow labour and csection, the full process took several days. Her husband was allowed to be with her just two hours each day.

It’s horrific - at a time when people are allowed into the football or cinema together, then surely husbands and wives can attend their child’s birth together?

YANBU and it’s utterly disgusting.

Yes it's absolutely shocking. I have a friend in Ireland who received terrible news at her 20 week scan without her husband next to her... simply horrendous I completely agree that testing should be undertaken to allow partners to attend scans.

It's disgusting that this has been allowed to happen. Not maternity related but my grandad died alone in hospital last year because of these rules. Where is the humanity?!

Women do not give birth alone.

I had a baby and lost a parent during the pandemic. Hospitals aren't pubs or hairdressers, they need to have the strictest restrictions because of the high proportion of vulnerable people and the need to keep staff healthy so services can continue to operate. The restrictions were far more difficult to bear when my parent was dying but I never felt at any stage with either that there wasn't a logical reason for everything that was asked of us.

I do agree. There's no reason to keep them out. Unfortunately I do feel some hospital staff ( and I am nhs myself) have got a bit too used to keeping families out.

YANBU but there are other healthcare appointments where people are told devastating news alone and given a horrific diagnosis. So, it isn’t just women and sadly, it isn’t just Ireland.

Not just Ireland. Last year I was pregnant and started bleeding. Called 2 EPU's and both refused to see me for a scan, but admitted that in 'normal times' they would have. I'm aware a scan would do nothing to prevent a MC BTW. 3 days later I MC at home. They did allow me to physically bring in the products for genetic tests though- on 2 separate days because I was still passing clots 5 days later. I was in the EPU over an hour each time, yet still never had a scan!

@MindyStClaire

I had a baby and lost a parent during the pandemic. Hospitals aren't pubs or hairdressers, they need to have the strictest restrictions because of the high proportion of vulnerable people and the need to keep staff healthy so services can continue to operate. The restrictions were far more difficult to bear when my parent was dying but I never felt at any stage with either that there wasn't a logical reason for everything that was asked of us.

I think this too really. Maternity wards are full of very vulnerable women and babies. Quite a lot of women on the maternity wards won't have been vaccinated and will have underlying health conditions making them more at risk eg gestational diabetes, high blood pressure and so on.

Hospitals are not doing it for shits and giggles 🙄

it’s not just ireland. my birth in march this year was the same in england. it’s upsetting obviously but there’s a reason for it. on the other hand it’s much nicer being on a postnatal ward with just other women rather than a constant stream of their visitors too. every cloud

someone close to me had a termination just before 12 wks. she spoke to someone on the phone for an hr then picked up her tablets. As it turned out she was nearly 16 wks pregnant ( estimated) She didn't get a scan that would have shown it. she went through all that by herself at home without pain relief and give birth to a tiny tiny baby.
covid has become an excuse for terrible healthcare. My beautiful kind friend and become a shell of herself due to her experience.

I'm so very sorry you're having a hard time OP, but Irish hospitals are being very strict with everyone right now. It's not an anti-women thing. An elderly male relative has spent months alone in hospital during the last year, which we have found very difficult too. It's all heartbreaking really, but I don't think it's fair to say that "Ireland doesn't give a shit about women once again". This isn't sexist.

The quick tests you mention (the ones the Botox clinic are using) are not reliable. They give a very high rate of false negatives - ie people testing negative when they should test positive - especially in asymptomatic people. So that's why the hospitals aren't using them. They need to have a higher standard of care than the cosmetic clinics I guess.

Agree. I gave birth just after the first lockdown. I was alone in hospital for 3 days before and DH arrived minutes before baby was born. He then had to leave when I left recovery. I had severe anxiety after watching dd1 die in the same hospital the year before. In the end, 2 days later the midwife in charge called DH and snuck him into the ward after I had a panic attack and couldn’t cope with the baby (freaking out something terrible was going to happen to her too).

The way maternity care has been handled has been dreadful and to those who've had difficult experiences made worse by uncaring protocols. Maternity care is usually woefully overstretched and understaffed anyway which is why partner support is particularly valuable.

MiL is in hospital in Ireland. DH's siblings are having a tough time getting clear responses about the current situation and intentions. She's struggling to use the phone herself. With her age and frailty, it's a concerning time, and we're cut off from her and family. She was too terrified of the virus to see us last year when travel was simpler, so it's been 20m since we last saw her on our last routine visit in late 2019. She's not immortal.

I agree its awful to be alone during birth/scans etc but echoing other posters that this is not unique to maternity care. My FIL was diagnosed with cancer right at the beginning of COVID, MIL had to leave him at the door of A&E due to a very serious complication. He ended up alone there for several weeks. No visitors, no help etc.

My BFF is a pediatric oncologist and has had to wear a reverse airflow helmet + gown etc when seeing all patients for the last year, the families she treats have been receiving life shattering news through this device. Only one parent allowed to accompany child etc.

It’s been a dreadful year for all medical problems. Ultimately I’m not sure giving birth is any worse than these others, it’s just a lot more common.