Whenever I say I’m ill, he says he is too

[Leftmyheartinthe90s]

Why?!

Had covid March 2020, ill on and off since, but mostly able to get on with everyday life, and have to as have a toddler Dd.
This week feeling really bad, hard to get out of bed this morning, when I say this to Dp, all he ever says is ‘Yes, me too’ and says how he’s been feeling crappy for weeks🤷🏻‍♀️Why?!

Does anyone else’s dp/Dh do this?

When you wake up feeling ill, don't tell him. Ask him how he is, if he's OK, reply, good because I feel awful and need to spend the day in bed.

Urgh my ex was like this. I remember having a vomiting bug and him declaring he also “felt a bit nauseous” which apparently gave him license to spend the day lolling about in his dressing gown and being entirely unsympathetic.

I also wanted to give you a big unmumsnetty hug because I got long covid last March and still get flare ups, it completely sucks. Hope you feel better soon and your DP activates his sympathy chip.

Yes, I have one of these too! I end up just not telling him.

There was a thread about this a few months back.

The men who carry on like this are total fannies. End of.

Mine does, it annoys me too.

It even came down to this conversation this morning.
(For context we’re trying to try a flea problem at the moment and I’m not sure how or what to do as never had them before!.. so I’ve been doing some googling and have asked DP to take me to get some house spray treatment stuff ASAP as me and DD have been bitten all over our legs. when I first mentioned being bitten he said “I haven’t seen any.. I’m not getting bitten are you sure it’s fleas?)
Anyway this morning this came about:

“DP, the cats got fleas in the house as she’s been treated but I’ve found a couple since and me and DD have been being bitten. We need to do something about it ASAP, we’re really itchy and uncomfortable. We’re not being very proactive and the itching is keep DD awake. You don’t get bitten so you don’t know how uncomfortable it is”

“I have got bites too.. I’m itchy too!”

“Where have you been bitten?”

Shrugs and says “dunno”

No one check my patio..

Ex dh did this fucked me off especially as I have food intolerance and an auto immune condition etc so yes I get sick and competitive illness is not fucking helpful when you have kids recently (last year) it occurred to me he does the same with his own children now we are split ds had covid symptoms him and his gf had full blown covid and his family were (driving past my house) bringing him food they had ambulance out who "diagnosed" them and told them they needed to isolate from each other despite them both being sick with the same thing he was there telling me how his entire family was rallying around getting them food etc 😑 I had my elderly neighbours dropping food off for me and the kids school friends helped out too there dad never once offered we have recently had to lock down again as a household because of symptoms not once has he offered to drop off a pint of milk oh no this time its his dog thats ill

Whenever there is a crisis he must join in! God forbid he could help out

My husband once joined in with my period pain

He realises he's a fanny and quite likes to 'be ill', and he has tried to pack it in since I gave him hell for the menstrual cramps.

@MyMabel

Indorex spray is the best stuff to get. It stinks and needs good ventilation but works.
Do it when you’re able to go outside for a while.

I agree ask how he is first.
And I shall be doing the same from now on. I have noticed a weekend illness can set in, it bugs the shit out of me. Pun intended .

My DH just told me that's the male version of empathy - a bungled attempt to say they understand how you feel. Thankfully he doesn't do it, but I'd never thought of it that way.

Yes my DH does this. He’s bloody always saying he feels rough…. I just say “oh dear, again??!” and “well you’ll feel better after a shower and a cuppa - the kids can’t look after themselves!”

@CreamFirstThenJamOnTop
Thank you, this is what I plan to get.. and just by your username I know that I can trust you 😂

No, but my mam does. If I'm not feeling well, she'll suddenly be having a bad day. Had to drive home from an event with a migraine once because she was too "exhausted and unwell" to drive despite being absolutely fine before I mentioned it.

@MyMabel www.petdrugsonline.co.uk/indorex-flea-spray-household-defence?gclid=CjwKCAjwoNuGBhA8EiwAFxomAzZcLOz7ZJO1QfIx72OtBRqTZGv1Y4QsdsJhWjFGatgXMexU70dTnhoCv8QQAvD_BwE is wonderful stuff. Spray all the soft furnishings that can't be washed. Might want the windows open because it has a strong smell. Keep the cats away from it though! Gets rid of fleas like nothing else though! (you might have to spray a couple of times, and hoovering first can help because it wakes up any in the carpet.)

Apart from this is he usually present and there for dd and you? Does he pull his weight around the house or not?

[quote MyMabel]@CreamFirstThenJamOnTop
Thank you, this is what I plan to get.. and just by your username I know that I can trust you 😂[/quote]

@Caselgarcia

When you wake up feeling ill, don't tell him. Ask him how he is, if he's OK, reply, good because I feel awful and need to spend the day in bed.

Cunning. I might try this.

I don’t assume it’s empathy, it feels more like he’s getting in there too, so he doesn’t have to do stuff if I’m out of action..or it’s to say that he is too, but gets on with it. He died it EVERY TIME,..never did before we had Dd

@Pinkdelight3

My DH just told me that's the male version of empathy - a bungled attempt to say they understand how you feel. Thankfully he doesn't do it, but I'd never thought of it that way.

That sounds like a crock. I think it’s more them not wanting you to have more attention, so they manufacture a reason that you’re not ‘special’ or more deserving than them.

I've got one too. Even when I have period or pregnancy related sickness/headaches/pain he feels ill too. I quietly seeth.

My mum does this, rather than my DH. Anything wrong with me, she's had it worse. If I slept badly, she slept worse. I just don't bother telling her anything anymore!

Caselgarcia what a great idea. My DP does this, drives me mad but I'll do your idea now.

Yep. I’m currently cosleeping and breastfeeding a baby and a toddler. Regularly have the 8 year old clambering in. DP is in the spare room undisturbed bar when I occasionally throw the kids at him in the morning and still tells me he’s tired every day.

Yes mine too! He’s autistic, I don’t know if that’s why. He gets by in life by watching and imitating people.

Yes OP mine does this too. The thing is he don't do it to get out of doing anything because he carries on doing stuff . Daughter had a 'bug' and he then says 'she must have what I had/got' even though he hasn't had anything or not said anything. I had huge cramps one day and he said 'oh I've got them too' ...lo and behold I ended up having an early period ..his cramps mysteriously disappeared then. I ended up having words with him last year about it because there was some thing 'wrong' with him everyday. He didn't realise he was doing it and only when I presented a month long list of what ailments he had each day he realised he was being a tit. He has anxiety so I don't know if there's a link there.

You're not alone op it seems.

It’s so that you don’t expect him to do anything.