Whenever I say I’m ill, he says he is too

[Leftmyheartinthe90s]

Why?!

Had covid March 2020, ill on and off since, but mostly able to get on with everyday life, and have to as have a toddler Dd.
This week feeling really bad, hard to get out of bed this morning, when I say this to Dp, all he ever says is ‘Yes, me too’ and says how he’s been feeling crappy for weeks🤷🏻‍♀️Why?!

Does anyone else’s dp/Dh do this?

He tries, I tell him to sod off. Largely stopped now.

OMG, my dh does this too! It has driven me mad for 26 years, but never more so than when we had young kids/I was pregnant.
He has recently tried to muscle in on my menopause symptoms, too. He gets short shrift for that.
I did start sympathising with him for being a sickly sort (as few people could possibly suffer as many ailments as him) and he got the hump and eased off for a while.
I really don't think he realises he does it. I just zone out these days.

My DH does this. Drives me batty.

I have been unfortunate lately with health, I had surgery and now have a chest infection
DD will automatically list her ailments and it is 10000% so she can get out of helping me with anything

@MyMabel

Mine does, it annoys me too.

It even came down to this conversation this morning.
(For context we’re trying to try a flea problem at the moment and I’m not sure how or what to do as never had them before!.. so I’ve been doing some googling and have asked DP to take me to get some house spray treatment stuff ASAP as me and DD have been bitten all over our legs. when I first mentioned being bitten he said “I haven’t seen any.. I’m not getting bitten are you sure it’s fleas?)
Anyway this morning this came about:

“DP, the cats got fleas in the house as she’s been treated but I’ve found a couple since and me and DD have been being bitten. We need to do something about it ASAP, we’re really itchy and uncomfortable. We’re not being very proactive and the itching is keep DD awake. You don’t get bitten so you don’t know how uncomfortable it is”

“I have got bites too.. I’m itchy too!”

“Where have you been bitten?”

Shrugs and says “dunno”

No one check my patio..

To get rid of ours we got stuff from the vet. It was the only thing that worked. Although this was a few years ago, so maybe stuff you can buy in the shop has got better.

I have one of these.

Every time, and every time DD is ill, and if his parents mention feeling ill too. He also frequently claims to be ill without being able to name a single symptom just pulls a martyred face and claims to 'not feel right' or tells me he feels like he did 'last time' when he 'didn't feel right' either.

In between times he likes to stress so me how he's NEVER ill, or when he has one of these mysterious bouts he'll tell me he's never normally ill and has NEVER been this bad. Funnily enough it's never bad enough to take any medication though, he is always going to take some 'later'.

In his defense these (non) illnesses never stop him going to work and getting on and doing his bit at home (with the occasional slope off for a lie down but not too excessive) so I roll my eyes pretty hard but otherwise tolerate it.

Honestly in DH's case I think he's just emotionally thick and feeling sorry for himself for some other reason but can only express it through claiming to be unwell.

He was hugely sympathetic and supportive through pregnancy and after birth/ c-section recovery and is at least practically helpful if I have a more regular illness he just feels the need to claim to have it too for some reason

I had one of them too.

My DH does this and I get so angry , even tried to join in on my nightmare pregnancy.. he is genuinely a good man generally so I don't think it's to shirk responsibility.
I think it's like every day you have little aches and pains you ignore and when someone else says they have something wrong you do a body check and notice them.
What's worse is when I'm ill and one of our mothers arrives and he claims to be similarly ill and gets all the sympathy

I use to have one of these, I pulled him up in it and now he no longer dose it. I told him it’s not a fucking competition! When he got defensive I was also able to add that if he’s getting sick every time I’m sick he’s got a problem as I have chronic health conditions and take immune suppressants, so for him to be so sick all the time he better get to the Dr. He’s not had one day feeling unwell since.

my dh used to do this until one day I said I wasn't feeling great with my stomach. He said he felt the same since he woke up. I said to him "oh dear, I hope you haven't caught what I have". He replied with concern for himself, what have you got?

My period

@aliensprig

My mum does this, rather than my DH. Anything wrong with me, she's had it worse. If I slept badly, she slept worse. I just don't bother telling her anything anymore!

With me it's a particular friend. If I've got sniffles he has a cold. If I have a cold he is on meds for pneumonia. Even issues dealing with my ancient MiL are nothing compared to what he had to do coping with his parents. And his car has had all the same mechanical problems as mine but worse and cost more to fix.

They do this because they are pathetic and selfish and can't stand the attention being on anyone else, or because they are so lazy that their immediate thought on hearing their partner is ill isn't 'poor them I hope they're ok' but 'oh shit I'm going to have to do more than my share today'. Its a really unattractive trait

Been married 33 years he does this all the time. If ever I say I feel ill he says “you’re ALWAYS ill”. He’s the laziest sod alive and I constantly try to find a way for him to be ExH 🤦‍♀️

DH too. It’s behaviour inherited from his mum who always had to be the sickest person in any situation (even when people were dying). Occasionally I have shut him down…
I’ve got tummy ache
Me too, do you think it’s something we ate?
No it’s my period, have you grown uterus?

@Leftmyheartinthe90s

I don’t assume it’s empathy, it feels more like he’s getting in there too, so he doesn’t have to do stuff if I’m out of action..or it’s to say that he is too, but gets on with it. He died it EVERY TIME,..never did before we had Dd

It's DEFINITELY not empathy, its pure selfishness to get in that they will not have your back.

Men that are selfish pricks do it, ver deliberately.
Couldn't live with someone like that.

Pure selfishness, through and through.

I thought it was just mine! Tried to join in on my morning sickness

The other end of the scale is my dad, who tells me to just walk it off for everything from having a sleepless night to migrane to the flu. It did not go down very well when I told him to walk his wisdom tooth pain off though!

Yep. I have one of those. He got zero sympathy, as he always suddenly felt the same if I asked for a cuppa or for him to walk the dogs for me.
I no longer say anything if I’m ill and just get in with it myself. A flask of hot tea, dry biscuits and bed.

@Leshan

There was a thread about this a few months back.

The men who carry on like this are total fannies. End of.

They’re not fannies, fannies can birth babies. They’re bollocks, they over-react to the slightest thing.

@LubaLuca

My husband once joined in with my period pain

He realises he's a fanny and quite likes to 'be ill', and he has tried to pack it in since I gave him hell for the menstrual cramps.

How on earth did he try that?

@ThedaBara

I thought it was just mine! Tried to join in on my morning sickness

The other end of the scale is my dad, who tells me to just walk it off for everything from having a sleepless night to migrane to the flu. It did not go down very well when I told him to walk his wisdom tooth pain off though!

Again...morning sickness? How did he try to claim that?

This is very common it would seem! My dp does it too!

However, strangely not ill enough for sex!

My DP and I both have chronic health conditions that mean one or both of us can feel crap at any given time. Today both of us felt crap and were dragging ourselves around but theres never any oneupmansgip. We are supportive of each other and share the work load.

In your situation I’d just keep your feelings to yourself until he’d started the day and then later just say you’re going for a lay down or take a rest without waiting for permission. Just do it and let him crack on with things.

My ex was like this.

Always worse. Never could be the one holding the fort and getting on with it.