Whenever I say I’m ill, he says he is too

[Leftmyheartinthe90s]

Why?!

Had covid March 2020, ill on and off since, but mostly able to get on with everyday life, and have to as have a toddler Dd.
This week feeling really bad, hard to get out of bed this morning, when I say this to Dp, all he ever says is ‘Yes, me too’ and says how he’s been feeling crappy for weeks🤷🏻‍♀️Why?!

Does anyone else’s dp/Dh do this?

That said, I always feel ill if my daughter is ill so I wonder if somehow it’s connected to worry in some people?

Obviously doesn’t mean I don’t take care of her or start competing.

@Caselgarcia

When you wake up feeling ill, don't tell him. Ask him how he is, if he's OK, reply, good because I feel awful and need to spend the day in bed.

Love this

DH is a hypochondriac, and any mention of illness is immediately catching and he has it 40 x times worse than me.

So I keep my mouth shut. It's easier.

Its pathetic, attention seeking behaviour employed to excuse his laziness. A very unattractive trait.

@randomkey123

DH is a hypochondriac, and any mention of illness is immediately catching and he has it 40 x times worse than me.

So I keep my mouth shut. It's easier.

He's got you well trained.

Yes, mine does this - definitely useful for him in terms of not doing anything "extra." Also, if he is genuinely poorly but on the mend, if I ask him how he's feeling he gets a shifty look and I can see his brain working out how to phrase, "not yet well enough to take on any household responsibilities."

My DH does this, and his symptoms are always slightly worse than mine. He doesn’t limit it to illness either. If I’ve had a hard day and the kids have been playing up He’ll say “oh that’s nothing, my day was far worse”

I couldn’t handle this. My DP is never ill and I have chronic pain/gastro issues so I massively feel for him 😂 if he was always ill when I was we’d never get anything done!

@Leftmyheartinthe90s

Yep, my DH has always got to have everything I say I've got, and his is always worse. He also seems to develop a new ailment every other month. He has had test after test in various clinics, hospitals, and our GP surgery, for his heart, a buzzing in his ear, kidney pain, bad shoulder, 'severe' migraines, stomach pains etc etc etc.

He has had blood test after blood test, and ECGs, and MRIs, the works..... and he is Royally disappointed every time the tests come back as negative - aka nothing wrong with him.

He is (like me) in his early 50s, but unlike me, he has a job where he has to go out to work. I work from home (and have done for about 9 or 10 years...) I do about 20 hours a week, and it is quite a well paid job. I earn twice as much as he does pro-rata.

He is really envious and wishes he could be at home. So since around 2014/2015, he has come up with one thing after another that is wrong with him. And in 2016, he dropped his hours to 26 a week, as he 'couldn't cope' with all the hours he was working. So he dropped to 26 hours a week. He was in his late 40s, but full time work (36 hours a week) was 'too many hours for him to cope with.'

I strongly believe that he is feigning illness constantly, in the hope of being written off on full time sick/go on ESA/PIP. About 2 years ago he said 'I don't know how much longer I can work, I think I may have to apply to go on long term sick...' and I said 'you have to have your head hanging off to get written off on ESA and PIP, you have got NO chance when there is fuck-all wrong with you.'

It caused a massive row, as he accused me of calling him a hypochondriac. I said 'well if the shoe fits!'

He was fine up to his mid 40s, but he seems to have had something 'wrong' with him constantly for the past 6-7 years.

My dad and uncles and grandads etc, worked from 14-15 years old, in tough manual work, (factories/foundries/coalmines etc,) until they were 65. They never complained about anything, never had anything wrong with them, and had probably 5 days off sick in the entire fucking 50 years.

I don't know what is wrong with my DH. And it's not just me either. I know a few women with moany hypochondriac husbands, who are around the same age as us... in their 40s and 50s...

Sorry, I went off on a tangent there. Just want you to know OP, that it's not just YOUR DH who is like this!

My husband does a weird opposite version of this.

Our kids don't sleep well, they are/were all breast fed well into toddlerhood and none of them sleep through the night I until they are about 25 and they all had reflux, some with colic.

A good night with the baby is few and far between so I like to tell him
"Ds was good last night, he only woke twice."

That will always ALWAYS be met with "well you slept better than me. I was up all night."
(In the spare room).

Over the last 15 years, this is his reply to every single time I've ever mentioned that one of them had a good night.

Why?!

My favourite was when DH had a sore belly after my c section 🤣 I don't think it's deliberate and he's good at looking after me

@MyMabel

Mine does, it annoys me too.

It even came down to this conversation this morning.
(For context we’re trying to try a flea problem at the moment and I’m not sure how or what to do as never had them before!.. so I’ve been doing some googling and have asked DP to take me to get some house spray treatment stuff ASAP as me and DD have been bitten all over our legs. when I first mentioned being bitten he said “I haven’t seen any.. I’m not getting bitten are you sure it’s fleas?)
Anyway this morning this came about:

“DP, the cats got fleas in the house as she’s been treated but I’ve found a couple since and me and DD have been being bitten. We need to do something about it ASAP, we’re really itchy and uncomfortable. We’re not being very proactive and the itching is keep DD awake. You don’t get bitten so you don’t know how uncomfortable it is”

“I have got bites too.. I’m itchy too!”

“Where have you been bitten?”

Shrugs and says “dunno”

No one check my patio..

You need flea treatment from the vet. The stuff you can buy off the shelf is no longer effective.

It's hell but you can beat the little fuckers.

DH doesn't, but one of my relatives does.

I was in hospital and quite unwell. With a straight face this relative told me they understood because their hay-fever was awful and they felt terrible. For the next 5/10 minutes I was subjected to a lengthy description of how the state of their nasal passages was affecting their quality of life.

Some people enjoy a good whinge and in my experience it's never the people with chronic health conditions or who are genuinely unwell.

My ex was like this. Hated me being ill. Minimal sympathy/looking after. Always had to out-do me. I have a theory about it.
On some weird level I not only was his wife, but I represented a mother-like role. In the natural order of things, mothers are always strong for their children. Basically he was a man-child, and when I was ill it sparked a need to regain his preferred order of me always being able to ‘be the parent’.

Not sure I’ve explained it well.

Yes!
Every time I mention being tired I get “you’re not the only one” or “try being at work all day” Yeah because feeling like shit looking after 2 young kids by myself all day isn’t difficult either

Sounds like code for “well I’m not picking up the pieces”

Maybe something in it though, once DP had a bad shoulder for weeks, caused him a lot of pain and I could swear at times my shoulder was starting to hurt too even though I done nothing to warrant it!! It was weird!

@aliensprig

My mum does this, rather than my DH. Anything wrong with me, she's had it worse. If I slept badly, she slept worse. I just don't bother telling her anything anymore!

💞 My mums been like this too, my whole life. If I ever said anything even as a child she wouldn't be interested because she's got it worse. I was being bullied and she just wouldn't listen, because when I said someone was upsetting me, she'd start "You don't know what it's like to be upset, I'm upset ... "

Mine does too. He's a very hands on dad and doesnt try to get out of stuff but he can't seem to help himself! I had some issues with a dodgy tum once, mentioned it and lo and behold so did he, I thought bloody hell I can't even have the shits to myself 😆

I do have a nasty infection at the moment but he hasn't muscled in on that, in fact he is quite surprised that he hasn't so much as a cold!

My DH does this too, I have a distinct memory of being really unwell, high temp etc but so restless. He got into bed with me , it was in the daytime and nodded off. Really pissed me off to have his snoring added to my inability to sleep. Soon kicked him out of the bedroom!

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou

Urgh the competitive tiredness. I have this with DH.

When I was BF and there was no point to him getting up in the night I’d say ‘the baby was up every 2 hours last night I’m done in’ and I’d get ‘oh me too, I kept hearing him wake up’ (from our bedroom when I’d been in the baby’s room half the night breastfeeding).

If the kids are coming down with something my DH will invariably say "probably caught it off me. I've been a bit off all week". It's like a game of "Bug Bingo".

My dad has a curious habit. Whenever I call my parents, he'll immediately launce off into tales of tooth-related woes or he'll have a cough or a cold. I think it's a deflection technique in case I have something "serious" to tell them. They're not very loving parents and even though I've had miscarriages and bouts of depression, I've never spoken to them about it.