To think this is rude?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Friend texted last night around 10pm asking if me and dh would like to pop over for tea on Saturday.

I just needed a few hours today to check a few things so texted back this afternoon saying thank you, we would love to. Only to be told they had now made other plans!

Is this the norm now with social arrangements? You have to respond straight away?

Could you have told her you need to 'check a few things first' ?

I think it was a bit too late from your side. By the afternoon I would assume that you were not coming, surely it would have been quick to check if you were available and reply?

Did you read it last night and text back to say that you would let her know today?

No, I didn't see the message till this morning.

Yes I think a text saying you will have to check xyz first but will get back to her would have kept things clear.
She assumed a no and something else came up instead. 🤷‍♀️

There's a difference between straight away and the following afternoon.

Did you reply at all prior?

10pm to what, 4pm, the next day? If you left her hanging 18 hours no wonder she made other plans.

I think considering it was an arrangement for tomorrow a quicker response might have been helpful.

I’d have text back in the morning to say that I just need to check a few things and I’ll get back to her ASAP, then I’d have got back to her ASAP.

It's annoying when people take time to reply, but yes, she is rude to have made other plans less than 24h after she asked you.

If she desperately needed a faster reply, she should have made that clear.

Given that the invite was for Saturday, I think YABU to think it’s going to hold open into the next afternoon without you responding. If it was an invite for next month then a day to reply wouldn’t be unreasonable.

I replied yes or no straight away, otherwise I tell people I get back to them if I don't know.

Did you respond and say that you needed to check a few things? In which case really rude.

If not, only half rude as she probably took your silence as a no

This is what happens when people don't talk to each other.

If she had rung you earlier yesterday evening you could have said 'I'll check things out, will call/text tomorrow'. But people send a text and they don't know if it's been seen or even got there - I got some texts on Wednesday evening that I know were sent on Tuesday morning.

If she had wanted a quick response, she should have called, so yes, it's rude.

I agree with you OP. think it's really rude not to wait for a reply. Not everyone is on their phone 24/7

No I didn’t reply before. I don’t check my phone that often and have been running around in the car all day.

Fair comment, I’ll be more on the ball next time.

This is what happens when people don't talk to each other.

well 10pm is far too late to call someone, but absolutely fine to text.

What is rude is not waiting for a reply and make other plans so quickly.

And it was a phone text rather than WhatsApp.

If anyone text me at 10pm, I wouldn't see it til the following morning as I go to sleep at 8pm and my phone is turned off.
I think it's pretty ridiculous of your friend. Sending an invite, then retracting it. Less than 24 hours. It's not like it was a week.

Neither is rude. She texted, you didn't reply before something else came up. It's no big deal at all! 'Oh that's a pity, enjoy yourselves, hope to catch up soon' should cover it!

I wonder if she messaged multiple people with the same message and then made plans with the first responder

She wasn't the rude one

I think as it was short notice a quick response is needed, so I would have said yes but need to check xxx. If it had been for weekend after next then a reply within 24 hours would be fine.

How is that not rude?

Inviting someone and then telling them you changed your mind and have other plans? 😂

I think you should have made contact in the morning and arranged a time.
I'd say you've pissed her off by taking her up on her offer too late for her to prepare.