AIBU to ask if you remove friends who have died from Facebook?

[BatFaceGirly]

I've realised that I'm still friends with 3 friends on Facebook who have very sadly died and it got me thinking about why I've not unfriended them.

Their profiles aren't 'memorial' type pages now or anything and I can't work out whether to just leave it be or delete. I think I'd find it a bit painful to remove them but I also find it painful knowing they're there. No idea why this is.

What would or do you do?

I've just checked Facebook (which I rarely use) to see if my dads page is still up. It's not, which has made me feel really sad. I can't bring myself to delete his phone number from my contacts either.

The Facebook thing though.. all his photos and comments just deleted 😔 I would've liked to remember the comments he left on my photos or looked at the photos he'd posted.

When I checked a little message popped up saying if he reactivates his account we'll automatically be friends again unless I 'unfriend' him...I still didn't unfriend him!

I have kept mine. It's never entered my head to remove them. I suppose in a weird way it's nice to still be able to 'check in' with them.

I deleted a close friend because I couldn't bear it. However two years later I really regret it now, as I'd love to look through her photos again now the initial pain has passed.

No I’d never delete my dead friends, they are still friends just not here anymore. One dear friends account has been taken over by her daughter (she must have nominated her in the memorial settings) which is really lovely, as if she lives on in her daughter.

Although as we all get older, I suppose there’ll be more of them 😔

I have three facebook friends who are dead, all by suicide . Two left suicide notes on facebook, which is painful to see if I want to visit their page. The third didn't, and the first thing I knew about it was a load of friends posting to her page. Her dad got her login access to let us know funeral arrangements etc. I'm glad because I would not have known about the funeral and I wouldn't have missed it, but it is now 3 years ago, he hasn't memorialised the page but he occasionally posts a photo of her from the account, and my heart lurches seeing "her" post, as if it's possible that she's still alive .

My brother deleted my mums Facebook page when she died - it's awful when I look back at old messages and just see 'Facebook user' and an icon where she used to be

I have chosen to have my FB page deleted when I die (although hopefully it won't be a thing when I actually die as I'm planning on being around another 40 years or so). My sister did the same (and she did actually die). We have always been a very private family and I'm glad her FB page went because all the public mourning from people would have been more upsetting for me personally.

I forgot to add- this is the setting on the FB app.

I deleted an old school friend who died a few years ago, her page became a memorial and was littered with posts because her death was in the news, it was a hard thing to do but I felt the need to move on and stop being reminded every day

I've got several friends who've passed away still on fb, it's lovely when it's their birthdays and loads of people share memories and wish them a heavenly birthday. One was a major footie fan and gets tagged in posts about England games, it's lively that people still remember them.

My dsis deleted our dad's fb page within hours of him dying which was sad as many people had started leaving messages about how lovely he was and I'd like to have read them ☹️

I have a couple I’ve kept. One of them I was quite close with and sometimes when I’m thinking of her I can go on her profile and have a flick through her photos to remember happier times. It’s comforting as it helps remember her as she was, having fun and being silly, rather than thinking about her death (it was quite traumatic and a shock).

But I understand why some would feel uncomfortable with it and maybe find it odd keeping them on. I suppose it’s all very much an individual choice.

No, I'd feel like I was erasing the last bit of them from my life.

I still have DFIL's mobile number on my phone and he died 13 years ago.

@NerrSnerr

I have chosen to have my FB page deleted when I die (although hopefully it won't be a thing when I actually die as I'm planning on being around another 40 years or so). My sister did the same (and she did actually die). We have always been a very private family and I'm glad her FB page went because all the public mourning from people would have been more upsetting for me personally.

I have also done this, for similar reasons. Personally, I dislike memoriam-type social media.

@MrsSchadenfreude

I keep mine there. One was my BFF and we used to message all the time. I like to look back over the messages from time to time. Her DH moved on about a year after she died, with a new girlfriend, and I think they will get married soon. She left him a VERY rich widower. Obviously I didn’t expect him to sit around and mope forever, but he was internet dating literally months after she had died.

Everyone copes in different ways

No I wouldn’t remove them and I haven’t. I have three Facebook friends who have died and I’m still friends with them. One is an “In memoriam” page - he had a terminal illness and knew he would die so all of his social media is still “looked after” Other friends post happy birthdays on it etc and it helps with dealing with it - I think.

Another friend committed suicide - his page is still active and reminds me of his birthday and memories of being tagged with him etc. It was hard and first but I think it’s ok it’s still up. It’s nice to see how his memorial tree and bench are doing and when someone is thinking of him listening to his favourite band. I know my friend (his ex girlfriend) finds it hard it’s still up but I think it helps others. I keep out of that conversation and support her in real life instead.

The third is one of my close friends. She died of cancer and it hit me hard. I find her Facebook page a hard one to look at. I’ve unfollowed so I’m not reminded of birthdays and events etc. One day I’ll follow again but I try and focus on her living family rather than virtual one.

No, would never delete them

@Littlecaf your first example is exactly the reason I'm deleting my late father's, and want mine to be deleted after death. In my opinion, dead people don't have birthdays and I wouldn't find it 'helpful' to have people wish my dead father a happy birthday, the opposite in fact.

I haven't deleted a couple of them, it's nice to be able to post when something makes me think of them, I know the families find it comforting to know people are still thinking and talking about them, and remembering birthdays.

My mum, brother and cousin as well as several friends are still on my Facebook. I can’t bear to delete them. My brother was only nineteen when he died and friends of his often post photos (tagging him) that I’ve never seen.
If it was some vague acquaintance I would delete after a period of time but not close friends and family.

I have 7 friends who have died all in their 20s or early 30s. Two from rtcs, one from cancer, one was murdered, the rest suicides. I will never unfriend them, they mattered to me in their lives and all are gone way too soon. I leave birthday messages for them and look at their photos when I am missing them.

I keep them because I like seeing "memories" with them.

Well - they’re dead. If you remove them, you’ll never be able to refriend them as no one can access their account. So in a few years if you want to scroll through their photos, read their statuses etc you simply won’t be able to

I wouldn’t hastily make a decision. You don’t know how you’ll feel in a year’s time, let alone a decade

@NerrSnerr

I forgot to add- this is the setting on the FB app.

Oh wow. I’m early 20s so don’t use Facebook (haven’t used it since school) and didn’t realise these settings existed. It’s almost a bit morbid that they have so many options

I only have one and I've left it. His wife occasionally tags him in posts, so his friends get to see them. I don't know how I could remove him without offending her and I don't want to anyway.

I haven't deleted Zombie.
and whenever I type "Candy" it highlights to tag her - makes me smile.
she did promise to haunt those who'd cry after she died so she's just keeping to her word🤣

no other friends died, but when my dad died I deleted his numbers from my phone immediately (I didn't want the snakebitch to contact me on his phone).