AIBU to ask if you remove friends who have died from Facebook?

[BatFaceGirly]

I've realised that I'm still friends with 3 friends on Facebook who have very sadly died and it got me thinking about why I've not unfriended them.

Their profiles aren't 'memorial' type pages now or anything and I can't work out whether to just leave it be or delete. I think I'd find it a bit painful to remove them but I also find it painful knowing they're there. No idea why this is.

What would or do you do?

Nope and I’ve still got my grandma’s number in my mobile too. Not going to delete it.

A friend very sadly died during surgery and I had friended her husband only for surgery updates (obv with his agreement). I didn’t know what to do about that Facebook friendship because I didn’t know him at all. I waited a couple of years then quietly unfriended because I felt like I was spying on him and his life (he’d met someone else by then).

I don't delete friends who have died because their adult children often post on their fb page adding photos and commenting.

I've left them.

@Micemakingclothes well it might be nice for some people yes. And for others it's too much. We are all different

I don't delete.

I have 4, my late dp, my best friend from school, my late dp's best friend & a joint friend all of whom passed away too young. I love to see memories when they pop up on social media.

I have two on mine. It’s weird when they post (family member clearly using wrong account).

I did have a couple of acquaintances that sadly died in the past couple of years and I recently deleted them. They weren’t friends, but mums of DD’s classmates. I suppose if it had been a close friend/relative I’d do it when I felt the time was right. I’ve had enough real bereavement to know when that would be (FB didnt come into equation then).

@BatFaceGirly

Well I've removed two. One was an old school friend but he was someone I didn't interact with from one year to the next so it feels .... odd for him to still be there? And the other was someone I 'met' years ago online - he was an online buddy but we hadn't messaged for a good year or so

The third I can't remove. One of my best friends. Just find it a bit painful her being there sometimes

At some point you will ask yourself, "Is it more painful to see her there, or would it be more painful not to?" Not now, but at some point. Whatever is right for you is right to do.

Why would you delete them? That's the part I don't understand.

My friend died a decade ago. I keep him on it. I enjoy seeing the 'memories' of our time together that he has commented on and popped up in over the years. Presumably that would disappear if I delete.

Anyway I like reading the comments made form our mutual friends especially around anniversary. I'll never delete.

@Maria53 but by the same token, why wouldn't you delete them? I can understand why you'd keep them but for others, maybe it's too painful or they don't want to see memories as it gives them a horrible jolt. Surely you can understand that other people may think differently to you?

I don’t see the point really. What harm is it doing to keep them on there?

I can’t get my head round why you would delete them?!

My younger sibling died, when fb memories brings up one of his comments or something where we were tagged together it feels like the most precious hidden treasure. Occasionally one of his friends will tag him in a picture we’ve never seen before and those are precious occurrences when you’ve lost someone really young.

I dread the thought of fb ever realising his account has been inactive for nearly five years and deciding to shut it down or getting my account locked out permanently and never being able to remake the digital connection with his account.

It’s a bit sad and painful to think there might be people on his friends list dismissively deleting him now like he doesn’t count as a person anymore because he’s dead.

I have 2 who both died recently, late 40’s. I don’t want to remove them

I have a couple where the family have removed the deceased profile after a year or so.
One or two, who were not that prolific anyway - I may unfriend them actually.
And a couple I still have, because part of me will never believe they’ve gone. I’m also a bit sad that the person o miss the most didn’t used FB, for this reason.

I don’t even cross people out of my address book when they die, so I don’t think I would delete them on FB although that hasn’t come up for me yet.

I don't. I can't bring myself to delete the phone numbers of the deceased either.

I don't remove them, but generally someone has taken their page down. I do find when I realise that then it's gone I do feel a sense of loss again, but it's about how the close family feels not me that's important.

What I did have, however was a friend who had been taken very suddenly ill and died unexpectantly, a mutual fb friend (didn't know they knew each other or I would have let her know) posted on her wall "Haven't seen you for ages, want to meet up? Your phone seems to be off."
I dithered for a while, then contacted them directly to tell them, as I knew the family were not really at the point of emotionally being able to answer. It was the hardest phone call I've ever made by some way.

[quote BatFaceGirly]@Maria53 but by the same token, why wouldn't you delete them? I can understand why you'd keep them but for others, maybe it's too painful or they don't want to see memories as it gives them a horrible jolt. Surely you can understand that other people may think differently to you? [/quote]
Yes exactly.

@StyleAndLasers

I don’t even cross people out of my address book when they die, so I don’t think I would delete them on FB although that hasn’t come up for me yet.

Ah yes, my late father didn't either. When I was phoning round to inform people of his death, half the time I was trying to call dead people. Didn't make that task any easier.

No, I like to have the reminders of them.

No. Because I'd feel disloyal. Which is ridiculous I know.

Gosh, I've got 5 on my FB. I'm mid 30s and we were all the same age, 2 were teenagers, the others more recent. It's never occurred to me to delete.

They aren't memorial pages, but occasionally their family will tag them in something that they want their friends to see. Initially it was funeral arrangements, but now it's kids growing up, or sometimes a particular memory on an anniversary of something happening (wedding or similar, not death) I'm not friends with all their family so wouldn't see things if I unfriended.

I can’t bring myself to delete them.

I have a good friend still there and I like to see the timehop memories which pop up and on his birthday there are messages on his page