AIBU to ask if you remove friends who have died from Facebook?

[BatFaceGirly]

I've realised that I'm still friends with 3 friends on Facebook who have very sadly died and it got me thinking about why I've not unfriended them.

Their profiles aren't 'memorial' type pages now or anything and I can't work out whether to just leave it be or delete. I think I'd find it a bit painful to remove them but I also find it painful knowing they're there. No idea why this is.

What would or do you do?

You know that FB pages can be turned into memorials right? I think there are a few settings but basically they are frozen and can't make new friends, but their tags and old friends can still see them - and presumably see nice memories or remember happy times. I think that is an equivalent to looking at old photo albums with lost friends and reminiscing.

@QueenOfPain who's 'dismissively deleting?' Again - more projection.

I have kept mine but think it is weird that people wish him happy birthday and stuff like that. It's like they are talking to him. Can't get my head around doing that.

When my mil died I kept her as a fb friend. To look at memories/photos. However my fil started using her account to interact on fb. This unnerved me as it would say x commented on x. It happened on a daily basis. I actually found it disrespectful. So I deleted her, for that reason.

I will always leave mine, in my case one friend who died a number of years ago and I always check in on his fbk page on his anniversary and birthday, the other is my brothers for obvious reasons.
His friends still write to him there and I like to see that they’re all still thinking of him even 9 years on.

When my grandmother died and we were clearing her house; we found inside a cupboard a list of her friends with their birthdays and phone numbers. About two thirds had been crossed off the list - obviously when they had died. It was a very darkly funny moment in sad circumstances. I guess removal from Facebook is the 21st Century equivalent of this.

I’ve got three or four, I won’t delete them. One of them FB deleted all of the photos but I like looking back.

A couple I know in their 60s both died and their daughter kept posting on their page which was a bit disconcerting. But I wouldn't defriend them.

Likewise my sister's page is still on there. She died a couple of years ago. A memory from a few years ago came up the other day and the comments were mostly a long back and forth between us having a "comedy" row. I did snivel a bit and It made realise how much I miss her and the giggles we had. But it was also lovely.

I still have my mum and dads phone numbers in my phone and they have both been dead over a year now. It’s weird isn’t it but I literally cannot bring myself to delete them! It makes no sense I know. I removed my Dads Facebook account though as he never really used it and it was never really a part of him Iyswim

I unfriended a friend when, while scrolling through her page not long after she passed, it said she was online. Freaked the shit out of me. Even now no one has her login details so it was just an error but i panicked and removed her- wish I hadn't though as there's no way to fix it.

Mixed. I've left several on Facebook and LinkedIn because it seems awful somehow to remove them, but I wouldn't mind if their accounts were closed and it is a bit of a jolt to see them. Actually removing them can be worse, I removed one friend and Facebook fairly regularly prompts me to be her friend, pointing out our mutual acquaintances. Yes, actually I'd dearly love to be her friend still Facebook. Fuck off.

What was very hard some years ago was when my work friend died and his wife removed his LinkedIn suddenly, just a couple of months after he died. He was very special to me and he'd left me a reference that I'd have liked to have saved for the jokes in it. She hadn't told his kids either, maybe didn't realise they were also on there and just thought it was a work thing. It was reasonable of her to remove it, and poor woman was struggling so I'm amazed she managed all the admin, but it came as a shock I hadn't anticipated and the same for one of his children (also my friend). I think the tech companies should consider policies around death where friends get informed a little before deletion, to be able to save anything like that or Facebook photos, contact mutual friends or whatever.

I still have my Nana on my phone after 10 years, but removed a number of dead friends at one time a couple of years ago, it was just Nana who I couldn't remove.

No i havent, but their closer friends posted messsages on their birthdays and it would have felt cold to delete them, even though perhaps it's pointless

I still have friends that have sadly died on my Facebook and I won’t delete them. It’s a weird thing to explain but to delete them just feels like a ‘mean’ thing to do, as if they were still alive i wouldn’t actively be removing them from my life or my social media. That might sound a bit strange! Plus I like having the memories of our friendships to look back on, and I’m sure they would have wanted that.

I must admit I’ve winced a bit at people deleting dead friends, it just seems a bit cold.

I can’t remove my dads bank details from my online banking though.

The last stanza from Tony Harrison’s poem

I believe life ends with death, and that is all.
You haven't both gone shopping; just the same,
in my new black leather phone book there's your name
and the disconnected number I still call

I’ve not deleted either of my friends. In fact it’s one of their birthdays today, and I’ve just been looking back at some posts of our happy times together and reading through today’s birthday messages for her.
They are still my friends so why would I delete them?

I have a couple who were taken too soon. It feels kind of disrespectful to unfriend them. One in particular was a very dear friend and her death is still quite raw. My brother deleted my dad's page when he died, it was before the memorial pages were a thing, and I really wish he hadn't, his comments are very noticeably absent in my Facebook memories.

@BIWI

It's also worth thinking about what you want to do with your own page, in the event of your own death. You can nominate one of your FB friends to act as your legacy contact, so they can access things you've posted.

It's in 'settings' (under your profile) and called Memorialisation settings.

Thank you so much for sharing this

No, I couldn't.
I have one. I have hidden their profile/memories etc so nothing pops up unexpectedly when I can't handle it. But when I can face it, I go in and look at our photos and remember the many happy memories we shared.

I was wondering this today. I have three and one day a year theres a fb memory of a post all three commented on. Makes me sad every year.

I haven’t as feels weird and obv once done it it can’t be changed

I think I have maybe 8 who have died

Some are nice to tag wife in a memory with her hubby (dead)

Others I write on thei wall happy birthday

Fuck knows why as they aren’t reading it

Once you delete you won't be able to friend again so I wouldn't be able to cut myself off from access to photos etc, should I choose.

I lost a dear friend to suicide in 2009, she was 21. I have remained friends with her on Facebook as like others have said I like seeing memories pop up or random things we posted on each others walls. Hers isn't a memorial page.

My auntie died young and I still have her on my friends list. I can’t bring myself to delete her and I can’t explain why.

I keep mine, I have 3 or 4 on there. The only time it really affects me is when fb cheerily reminds me to wish them a happy birthday, then I get a bit teary for the birthday's they'll never have because they all had untimely deaths.

I'm in the same situation, although it's an acquaintance/friend of a friend for me.
I've noticed people writing birthday posts with "have a great day" etc., obviously not realising they've died (first birthday since they passed away).
I don't think I'll unfriend anytime soon, if ever.