To ask how you make/made major life decisions?

[HappyGoLuckyGo]

I’m wondering how others make big life decisions. Am currently weighing up a choice and I think my life will look very different in 5-10 years and beyond, depending on which I choose. Not necessarily better or worse, just different. The better/worse element would depend on a whole host of variables, most of which I can’t control - so it’s a gamble, in a way.

I’m talking “move country”, “retrain at 40”, type of decisions. What swayed you? Was it the right factor to consider, in hindsight?

@Phineyj

I make a spreadsheet and do a cash flow before bringing emotion into it!

Definitely an accountant, I do that too. Won't make even a small decision without a spreadsheet analysis and reviewing our 10 yr cashflow forecast.

Gut feeling plus knowledge I’ve made the best of things repeatedly in the past so I can do that again. Knowing perfection is not a thing so trying not to get too swayed by the idea of it and instead thinking “this feels interesting, let’s see “

I am actually not an accountant but my dad was and I think maybe in another life I am .

I find change really difficult and tend to avoid, I like the security of sticking to what I know rather than taking a leap into the unknown. That's just the way I am. Of course, some people thrive on constant change and find it exciting.

Dunno, gut feel I guess. Moved 4,000 miles from home with 5 kids to a country we had never been to before. Just seemed like a good idea. It’s worked out fine.

@579qkghs

When its just a decision for myself - I tend to go with my gut. Usually, it has worked out but not lately and now I bitterly regret it. As a couple, we're terrible at it....make lots of lists, get upset with each other, get muddled up.....horrible, horrible, horrible process

Ditto..I think this is be Is DH makes a logical decision quickly then commits to it.. I spend a lot of time waiting for it to feel right before I do anything and sometimes change my mind on a decision because new information has come to light . I'd say I am flexible, DH days I can't stick to a decision once made. Both are probably true. I do know that my decision making worked for me in the past and I made several big decisions for me that I look back on with satisfaction and pride . However it is a much more tortuous process when DH and I try to make a decision together .

I think and I think...then I go on gut feeling.

No one knows if the decisions we make were the right ones, I can see clearly the bad decisions I've made in the past, but....I wasn't the person I am now at the time....and there are so many wonderful times/experiences/people in my life that I wouldn't have had if I had made the right decision (still would not have started a relationship with my exh though!)

Thanks everyone! I’m no closer to a decision but it’s been interesting to read. Maybe I’ll try writing a list of pros and cons.

What is the actual decision about OP? Did you say already?

When it was just me I used to go for it. Very impulsive, which was fun but was not always a good idea when you're a responsible adult.

With DH, he is a real 'happy with his lot' sort. So big changes usually come from me. If we'd gone along with his things were weds still be living in a 1 bed house, unmarried with no children.

Big life changes - buying a family home, getting married and having children have all been led by me. But he calms down my impulsiveness. I will have an idea (I currently want to move house) and we'll talk about it. He will usually be a little resistant at first because he doesn't like change. But we discuss, work out pros and cons, finances etc and over time (usually) he comes around to whatever I've suggested and then is all for it all guns blazing - but he considers options, plans well etc and that actually works really well for us.

No, I hadn’t said, as I didn’t want the specifics to derail the conversation. It’s whether to go for another child, or to change job, or both - and each option would have big implications for our family life, potentially my health, etc. I’ve been oscillating for a couple of years and feel like the time has come to make a decision. But I can’t seem to!

Ideal time to toss a magic coin! State you choices clearly, heads I do this and tails I do the other, and then watch you mood/bodily response as it lands on whichever side.

*your mood

I don't think you should have another child but should go for the job.

Hi OP,

I recently had to make a major decision. I had retrained in a new profession and it has not worked out. I needed to either continue or end it now. I decided to end it now.

How did I decide? I asked myself if I only had a year to live, would I continue to do this? And the answer was no. It was easy then. It meant I did not love this profession, I only kept at it because I was embarrassed to admit that I retrained in something that I really did not like .

So, could you ask yourself, if you are 80 and look back at your life - which decision would you want to have made?

If you are 80 and look back at your life - which decision would you want to have made?

I think about this a lot but it’s so hard to judge... If we have a healthy baby and I don’t have health issues from the birth, and then I move post-mat leave into a job I love, and when I’m old I have a close and loving family- great. But what if baby or I have lifelong problems? What if I never manage to return to a job I enjoy and build a career, because it’s too hard and the children take priority and suddenly I blink and it’s been 15 years? What if I don’t have the baby and then I look back and I never fulfilled my professional ambitions?

It’s like, in either scenario the highs outweigh the lows... but not necessarily the base case of the other option. So much will depend on luck, and things outside my control.

And moving house and changing job are both major upheavals. Should I bother with either?

This is my point! Arghhh!

Well, I think the decision is different if you already have a child/children or if you have none yet. Abs yes, your health and your potential child’s health are not a given from this vantage point.

Good luck with your decision.

I tend to think if it's dominating my thoughts then I should just give it a go. I recently left a job I loved with people I loved but with 0 progression for a job which has many more options for me. I ultimately had to weigh up what was more important to me working with friends or having more of a career. I know having children is an irreversible decision so that is difficult however the 2 worst out comes are not having a child or having a disabled child so your choice is between those. Obviously there is the option of it all going wonderfully but that's not really what you are weighing up in your mind.

I make a lot of impulse choices & decisions, when I know it's right I just do it.
I have ADHD so that's definitely responsible for the things I do and how I do them.
if it's not just me of course I discuss it with whoever should be involved in making a decision.

equally when I know something is wrong I avoid it or not afraid to cancel it.

sometimes I don't have a strong feeling either way so I delay making a decision. this usually pays off because things change so then I don't have to make a decision.

I don't know if this is helpful

Ooooh oooh this is so interesting

Reading OPs posts ane trying to glean what the choice is inbetween and it's still not very clear

But, when I have done pros and cons and it seems balanced, always go for gut decision. What feels right,

There is never a good time to have mother baby, that's a myth . Do you want another baby? He or she might kit be well, unless you have a genetic disorder with %S of risk, frankly it's undefinable. You get the baby you get and you love the baby you get

There is never a right answer, re career or moving to a different area, it's only about how you prefer your life.

There are no answers, there is no secret correct route to take. There is only a leap of faith (hope or however you want to see it), it either works out well, perfectly (never perfect) or it throws up a few unseen more issues because life is like that, you get challenges and you roll with the decision you made at the time...

Whatever you do, make peace with your decision and go for it, give it your all

To have another baby (sorry phone corrected to ** mother)

I trust my guts and my luck. Has always worked so far. Doesn't always look like a good decision in the short term but always ends up really good after a while.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Honestly? Gut feeling over a long period of time so I know its not just a whim. Its been right everytime. Ive bought houses and changed career based on this and not regretted it.

This ^

Honestly? Get drunk and go with what you feel.
While you can research etc things can go wrong either way so at some point you have to say enough is enough.
I would say though - hedge as much as you can.

Reading OPs posts ane trying to glean what the choice is inbetween and it's still not very clear Yeah sorry, I was trying to be vague! I was more interested in the mentality and decision-making process, rather than people’s specific views on the options.

Part of the problem is I don’t have a gut reaction. I have a deep broodiness but tbh I can well believe that that’s just hormonal! Doesn’t mean I should act on it.