To ask how you make/made major life decisions?

[HappyGoLuckyGo]

I’m wondering how others make big life decisions. Am currently weighing up a choice and I think my life will look very different in 5-10 years and beyond, depending on which I choose. Not necessarily better or worse, just different. The better/worse element would depend on a whole host of variables, most of which I can’t control - so it’s a gamble, in a way.

I’m talking “move country”, “retrain at 40”, type of decisions. What swayed you? Was it the right factor to consider, in hindsight?

Plan it out. Collect as much reality-based factual info as possible. What is likely to happen? Can I afford it? What do I need? What do I like/want? Prioritise needs over wants every time. Does it depend on other people and if so are they really on board? Boring stuff like how will this affect my pension? When I have a realistic idea of what the future will look like, then I decide if I really want it.

For example: if you think you want to retrain as a teacher, talk to teachers, spend time in a school. Find out realistic starting salaries. Find out if any jobs ever actually come up in your area.

Don't marry someone you've never lived with. Don't buy a house that doesn't have the things on your 'must have' list just because it feels right. Always test drive the car. That sort of thing.

I ask myself if I'll regret doing it/not doing it on my deathbed. Morbid, but seems to work pretty well!

Toss a coil and if you immediately say best out of three, you know what you actually want.

My wise aunt said that the only decision you cannot reverse is the decision to have children. Anything else can be reversed, even if expensive / you lose money / not convenient eg if you move overseas, you can come home. If you buy a house, you can move on again

I think that if you make the best decision you can, on the basis of the best info available, then you run with that decision. And if in future, you change your mind again, so be it, but don't beat yourself up

Our big decision 15 years ago was whether or not to move continent. It was really difficult. I found out all the information I could, but I had to accept that there would be a lot I just did not know until the move had happened.

What swung it for me was that DH was so unhappy where we were, and as we had to make a change anyway, we might as well make the most of the fact that we were overcoming inertia and make the really big change.

Have never regretted it but it was terrifying to decide at the time, and it has had long term effects on my entire family. All good, but not necessarily effects I thought through at the time.

I also have learnt that sometimes we make the wrong decisions but it's generally not the end of the world.

I'd never consider moving because I know already that I don't want to. I did retrain at 35 and did it because I wanted to challenge myself and get a degree - bit also the risks were small.

I guess you could say I know what I want already, mostly already have it and I don't like taking massive risks !!

I've currently been looking at new cars. I have the money for one. My thought process is this:

Ooo that's nice - you don't need it, too much waste in the world and you like your current car - yeah but look at this nice shiny car - it's so much money, keep it for a rainy day.

= no new car (yet).

I made a huge decision on a whim and have regretted it at times in the decades since. These days I make decisions over a really long time or pretty quick when I'm more sure.

That doesn't help does it.

I'm trying to make a big decision at the moment and am finding it really difficult. This thread is giving me different perspectives already.

I'd add that I'd never even visited the town we ended up moving to, although I had visited a few other bits of the state.

Also, since the big intercontinental move, we have been offered 3 moves within the continent. Each time I visited the area, checked out the schools, looked at houses and talked to realtors, and after several days decided that we should stay where we are.

As it turns out, it was a good thing we didn't make the most recent offered move, as Covid meant that the company experienced massive problems and DH would have lost his job early on. But it's very hard to plan for that sort of thing.

I'm not particularly motivated by making big dramatic changes. I try to do the small things well. I'm moving house soon and it feels like a big leap as I'm moving to new area but it's based on carefully weighing up the prison and cons.

I’ve spent about 18 months thinking about pros and cons, and to be honest I don’t think there’s any more research I could do. It’s just a question of choosing and making my peace with it, and then heading down whichever path it is.

My biggest life change was walking away from career but it kind of just happened. I did agonise over it for a few months but it was the best decision ever.

I’m a bit reluctant to say…. I try to find an adult in the first instance.

Family motto is... regret what you did over what you didn't..., take the chance !

This is a bit unlike me but after weeks of torturing myself with indecision recently I set myself time aside, did some mindfulness exercises from my phone in an attempt to clear my head, then got pen and paper and wrote everything from my head onto it. All my jumbled thoughts and feelings in no order. When I was done went for a long walk cried and the decision felt clearer after that. I'd done pros and cons and research and bored everyone I knew to death with conversations this helped unstick me.

I'm an obsessive planner so I know what I want my life to look like at certain stages in the future . That way, I can see quite quickly whether a decision will move me closer to what I want or further away. Obviously there's lots of scope for change of plan/heart in this, but generally, I know in advance whether something is on the right lines for me.

I didn't wait for the fear of making what might be a wrong decision to go away. I decided and it fundamentally changed my life. New career, new city, new house, new husband within 18 months. Was the best thing I ever did.

I have always had the mentality of if something isn't working, then you need to try something else as doing the same thing won't change the result.

Ended up doing this rather early on in life, about 18 months after graduating University. My first job was in property but I realised early on it wasn't a career as such as unless the person above left, you couldn't really be promoted. Realised it was a dead end (had a mini meltdown on how miserable that thought was) and ended up changing career completely.

Never regretted it. I absolutely love my job and have additional qualifications and a decent salary to boot.

This is probabaly easier to do when you are less established though, as I imagine financials can have an impact later on in life, for example if retraining would result in a large paycut.

My life has just happened. I’ve never planned anything. So far, I seem to have landed on my feet every time a change has been forced.

Just hoping my luck doesn’t run out.

Gut instinct... sometimes it may not be clear for a bit. But it should come to you.

Are you talking about road less travelled poem? Some people think it's about choosing the more adventurous / less travelled route. But I read it as, you only live once and you will never know what happened if you took the other path anyway.

I moved country and I can't move back now

Trust yourself

Deep down you know what to choose

Just listen to your true self

I moved country and I can't move back now

Is your name Shamima Begum?

I tend to listen to my feelings and what would make me happy or more satisfied.
So when it’s a decision like move to a different part of the country because I felt I belong there (luckily my now DH agreed at the time) we just did it. I couldn’t picture being anywhere else and it was a rash move at the time but my heart was set.
I think it’s harder when it’s a decision that isn’t so big and you don’t feel a huge pull either way. So I’m unhappy in my job now but I wouldn’t just leave I have to factor in money children bills etc.
However if it got to a point where I was really miserable I would make a change.
I think I am believer of when you know you know sounds silly but if you just ask yourself and give a truly honest answer it’s usually right.
However when it’s not just about you that’s really hard.

I tend to just go for it but I'm pretty resilient. I'm not too scared of failure or looking like a failure so the few times things haven't worked out I got back on my feet ok. A big part of it is that I'm good with saving money so I've always had a cushion and, in my mind, a point when I know it's time to change direction while I still have the money to do so. I'm not talking tens of thousands but more a few thousand which is enough to stay afloat for a few months when things go to pot.