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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hire a nanny while on maternity leave?

67 replies

UncleBunclesHouse · 24/06/2021 20:50

10 week old baby and hyper 2 year old and I’m really struggling. DC1 has kept nursery place but has cut down to 3 short days a week. We had a fantastic PT nanny - part of the plan being she would continue to support PT through my leave from work. However she sadly had to leave for family reasons. I thought there was no need to look again at this stage with me being at home, but I’m finding it very difficult to manage as I have a lot of responsibilities at home which don’t work too well with kids in tow and no real family help (once every few months at best and act more as visiting guests) and a husband who works very long hours, soon to be 7 days a week for a period of time. To manage at the moment I have to get up at 5am, which is just wiping me out if I’ve not had a great night with the baby or if I’ve done 10-11 dream feed. DH does the late feed when he can and 1-2 of the night shifts a week but this uninterrupted night barely scratches the surface of the tiredness! This will also go away soon when he’s on 7 days a week. I’ll be on my own.

AIBU to get a proper nanny set up now, when I don’t actually go back to work until early next year? I’m torn between guilt for wanting to spend time with my small children while I can and exhaustion/frustration for myself. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to get someone to cover what I want as nannies not easy to come by round here...

OP posts:
Original poster
UncleBunclesHouse · 24/06/2021 20:53

Should have said - the family help is from mine who are a long way away, they help a huge amount when here but are visitors for the weekend, rather than odd days/taking them to their house etc

OP posts:
Mysterylovingboy · 24/06/2021 20:53

Many people leave their older child in nursery (if they're already there) if they can afford it. Looking after one small baby is exhausting.

In your circumstances, husband away a lot etc, I'd go for it. Just make sure the nanny doesn't just look after the older child, but does some time caring for both (to give you a rest) and some time looking after the baby. This allows you to spend quality 121 time with the older child, who might otherwise feel palmed off onto the nanny if it's not handled carefully.

Claireyskillz · 24/06/2021 20:54

Seems entirely reasonable to me!! Life sounds pretty hectic for you right now

pigglepot · 24/06/2021 21:02

It's not in the least bit unreasonable to get the support you need with two small children whatever that looks like. You're not talking about getting someone to whisk them off all day and bring them down for 5 minutes before bedtime. I think most women would love to have a nanny to help with childcare and housework and cooking if they could afford it.

Stop worrying and go for it if you want to and can afford it.

ivfgottwins · 24/06/2021 21:03

difficult to manage as I have a lot of responsibilities at home

I suppose it depends on what these are? Is the nanny for the baby? In which case I have to be honest and say depending on the "responsibilities" then YABU......this early time with them is precious and not something you'd ever be able to have with them again

TayceOnToast · 24/06/2021 21:06

If you can afford it, do it. I would.

Mustbemagic · 24/06/2021 21:07

Do you have space for a live in au pair to help with hyper 2 year old? May be a good option for help around the house and in the mornings/evenings when your husband is working long hours.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/06/2021 21:09

Could you outsource some of your other responsibilities? I guess it depends on what they are. Animals? Have you a cleaner? Are you ordering meals in?

If you think a nanny will help then go for it. But look at what other help you can pay for if you can afford it.

cadburyegg · 24/06/2021 21:11

YANBU or you could look at increasing your eldest’s nursery hours?

Congratulations on your new baby Flowers

Nannylp · 24/06/2021 21:11

Omg if you can afford it then just do it!
A great nanny will compliment your household, not take anything away from you and your children.

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 24/06/2021 21:13

If you can afford it I don't see why not. That way you can still get plenty of time with both kids but an extra pair of hands and some breathing space to have a shower in peace. It's definitely a luxury but if it's a luxury that's a possibility for you why not?

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 24/06/2021 21:35

No judgement from me. Looking after two is exhausting. I have a nearly 3 year old and a 4 month old and I'm on my knees most days. I don't know how other people do it. If you need the help and can afford it then do. I'm battling with low mood and anxiety and am only managing because I have a supportive husband and help from my mum. If he worked 7 days and mum wasn't around, I don't know what I would do.

Original poster
UncleBunclesHouse · 24/06/2021 21:38

Thanks really appreciate views so far, the guilt is hard though.

Home responsibilities are lots of animals and livestock - the baby can’t be around for some of it as it would be unsafe. Plus large house that is also part of a business with lots of comings and going’s, big garden bordering on wild at the moment, holiday lets...all very lovely indeed and we are incredibly lucky, also very time consuming too! We already have help from a cleaner and gardener although would like more hours from both if we could have it.

Nanny would be for either/both children depending on what’s happening. The original idea with previous nanny was that they would sometimes have one at home so I could take the other out 121 and also have them both to give me time to do stuff/to myself.

OP posts:
Teacupsandtoast · 24/06/2021 21:40

Is it possible to enlist help with the home responsiblities (is it animals, a holiday let or other?)

Teacupsandtoast · 24/06/2021 21:41

Cross post, but yes, if it's horses/farm animals, could you enlist help that way to free you up from the more dangerous aspects of your home business?

babbi · 24/06/2021 21:42

If you can afford it definitely do it .
You’ll enjoy these early days better if you’re not exhausted.
If there’s more money get a cleaner …
Seriously go for it !!
Congratulations on your baby

Crunchiedelight · 24/06/2021 21:42

If you can afford it I would say definitely go for it. Although technically you aren’t working it sounds like you have a lot on your plate and could really do with the help. Do it with zero guilt.

Bottleup · 24/06/2021 21:44

Do it and don't feel guilty.

Dishwashersaurous · 24/06/2021 21:45

Could you hire an administrator to deal with the holiday lettings and the animals for a few hours a day. Seems like you are basically trying to do a job whilst also being on mat leave which is impossible

motogogo · 24/06/2021 21:46

If you can afford it fine, but really it would be better to pay for help with your other responsibilities and spend time with your children. Many of us didn't have the luxury of pt nursery or maternity leave (USA, you get 2 weeks!)

BoomChicka · 24/06/2021 21:47

Go for it, it sounds hectic!

LadyJaye · 24/06/2021 21:48

I am very much of the opinion that if you have the option to throw money at a problem, do it.

Everybody wins.

Yamaya · 24/06/2021 21:50

I'm very jealous. I had 2 under 3 and absolutely no help. My second has only just started sleeping through the night at nearly 3 so I have been very tired. Would have died for a nanny at the beginning.

PearlJamButties · 24/06/2021 21:54

Go for it.

Being exhausted is no fun. A nanny/mother's help would be perfect to support you if you get the right person.

It will mean you can catch up on precious sleep, and have better quality time with each of them in turn.

You ARE actually working with the live stock and holiday let's, so it is completely reasonable to have childcare and support, especially as your DH won't be able to take part of the burden.

Elbie79 · 24/06/2021 21:54

@motogogo

If you can afford it fine, but really it would be better to pay for help with your other responsibilities and spend time with your children. Many of us didn't have the luxury of pt nursery or maternity leave (USA, you get 2 weeks!)
Better according to whom? OP is on her knees, bog off with such sanctimony.
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