To hire a nanny while on maternity leave?

[UncleBunclesHouse]

10 week old baby and hyper 2 year old and I’m really struggling. DC1 has kept nursery place but has cut down to 3 short days a week. We had a fantastic PT nanny - part of the plan being she would continue to support PT through my leave from work. However she sadly had to leave for family reasons. I thought there was no need to look again at this stage with me being at home, but I’m finding it very difficult to manage as I have a lot of responsibilities at home which don’t work too well with kids in tow and no real family help (once every few months at best and act more as visiting guests) and a husband who works very long hours, soon to be 7 days a week for a period of time. To manage at the moment I have to get up at 5am, which is just wiping me out if I’ve not had a great night with the baby or if I’ve done 10-11 dream feed. DH does the late feed when he can and 1-2 of the night shifts a week but this uninterrupted night barely scratches the surface of the tiredness! This will also go away soon when he’s on 7 days a week. I’ll be on my own.

AIBU to get a proper nanny set up now, when I don’t actually go back to work until early next year? I’m torn between guilt for wanting to spend time with my small children while I can and exhaustion/frustration for myself. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to get someone to cover what I want as nannies not easy to come by round here...

Why do you care whether anyone might think you are being reasonable? If you can afford it, with money left over to feed your family, why wouldn't you?

Happy mummy -> happy child.

Start trusting your instincts and arrange all the help you can.

If you can afford it, do it. Please don’t feel guilty! You need time to look after yourself too. Best of luck OP.

Go for it, I did and didn’t have half of the responsibilities you have.
Helper took care of DS1, cleaned the house, took the dogs out, looked after the baby when I was hanging out with my older one, bathed them etc.

Despite what a PP has stated, you can outsource whatever you wish. You won’t regret it!

I sent my eldest to a childminder & family when I had 2nd dc. Don't see the issue personally.

Well it's not exactly a restful maternity leave for you. Is it horses? Could you get an all round mother's help. When I used to work with horses there were frequently these sorts of positions where you were part nanny, part groom, part housekeeper/admin. Often smaller animals are included too but if it's cows/sheep in large herds I guess that might be a bit harder to fill. That way you could divert them to wherever you need the help most at the time be that one or more dc or anything else.

I kept my nanny on through my mat leave with #2. She was a member of the family and absolutely no way I was letting her go. It was great - I got time with the baby and every now and then I would leave the baby with her and spend some focused time with DC1. Plus when I did go back to work, there was zero settling time, as my nanny had first held DC2 at three days old.

You have the money - do it.

Yanbu

Would a night nanny be better than a day nanny? So that you can function during the day and still get the time with your kids? Or a night nanny some nights, and a day nanny as well/ part time? I’m not sure exactly what you can afford!

But I agree that throwing money at the problems seems like your best answer if you can.

Also is there anything non baby related that you can outsource? I’m just thinking that you might want to keep the baby stuff as, if not exhausted or over run with other things, it could be the bit you enjoy!

And yes to keeping nursery place for the eldest.

If I could afford it, I'd do it. It's a great way to allow you some one on one time with both DCs as well as some time to yourself.

Also - let’s not set the US system up as something to aspire to!

Please do not listen to people giving you the "they're only little for a short time" bollocks. You're not planning to ditch your child 23 hours a day.

Get help. A good nanny who is willing to much in generally, especially if your DH is barely around (incidentally, I see no one is commenting on your DH losing out on this opportunity to spend time with the baby...)

I'd agree with a night nanny as an option too - or ask your nanny to work hours that allow you get a nap occasionally eg starting early one day a week or working late one day a week.

Sounds like an excellent idea you are clearly still working and this will enable you to carry on safely.
Congratulations op x

*I am very much of the opinion that if you have the option to throw money at a problem, do it.

Everybody wins..
*
^^ exactly this.

yes, if you can afford it get all the help you need.

My oldest stayed in nursery all the way through maternity leave with no2. It gave her a consistent routine & then I was pleased to see her at the end of the day.

Great idea to have a nanny through your maternity leave. Especially in these uncertain covid days. Although most adults are able to be vaccinated against the latest varient there is no option for children at the moment so there could be spikes and nursery closures to gone. A nanny, even part time, will provide some continuity for your dc1 if this happens. In this situation the nanny could provide activities for eldest so no regression leaving you free to manage one at a time. Win win situation. Just wish I could have afforded this option when dd was little. Get all the help you can and you will enjoy dc far more.

Do it! Get good help with whatever you can and stay sane and healthy.

I’m not over-impressed with a dad who thinks 10 weeks after having a new baby is the right time to start working 7 days a week. Doesn’t he care about you at all?

You’re basically still working (in a role where children can’t safely tag along), why would you not have childcare? Ignore any sanctimummies.

@HeddaGarbled if in farming, he might have little alternative.

I know Brexit has caused problems with this (assuming farming), but is there any way the money for temporary employees could be spent on freeing up your husband to spend more time with you and the children?

@cocoloco987

Well it's not exactly a restful maternity leave for you. Is it horses? Could you get an all round mother's help. When I used to work with horses there were frequently these sorts of positions where you were part nanny, part groom, part housekeeper/admin. Often smaller animals are included too but if it's cows/sheep in large herds I guess that might be a bit harder to fill. That way you could divert them to wherever you need the help most at the time be that one or more dc or anything else.

@cocoloco987 yes horses are very much part of the menagerie! I usually have a brilliant freelance groom who comes to help, does holiday cover and sorts them out if I’m late/away with work etc. However with life’s usual brilliant timing she is injured at the moment and off work for several months. I did have it all well planned with PT nanny and groom help, thinking then I’d be ok with a bit of time on the holiday let plus the other animals. Best laid plans and all…

PPs suggesting to outsource the other responsibilities - I feel like it would be a challenge to get someone up to speed with the horses and other assorted animals and actually I really enjoy keeping up this side of things too. Not that I don’t enjoy time with my baby and toddler of course, they are both brilliant little people- but it’s hard and loud and monotonous and actually spending some time to myself with the animals (even at 5am) in the peace and quiet is very therapeutic.

Some kind of all round groom/housekeeper/nanny would be amazing, I’m not sure how easy to find though and I definitely can’t afford a full time person. Live in would also be tricky which again makes it a bit more difficult to recruit.

I wasn’t born into this lifestyle and only had immediate family look after me as a child so I suppose this is a different kettle of fish and I shouldn’t compare and feel guilty. I do though! Especially with subtle hints from DM that I should do it. It’s hard to understand how much there is to do and something always seems to crop up just when you think you’ve got it under control.

I suppose at least I didn’t lose the help from both areas when I was working and pregnant and should be grateful for that - that really would have been a disaster!

Really good to hear that I don’t seem to be BU and thanks for the support.

[quote EmiliaAirheart]@HeddaGarbled if in farming, he might have little alternative.[/quote]
@EmiliaAirheart correct!! He is a partner, they have staff already, harvest time it’s 24/7 for all of them

Do it. Anything that keeps you sane. And don't feel bad. You're working at least a part time job on top of having the usual house stuff all in your shoulders.

Do whatever it takes and you can afford to free you up enough to enjoy your children. There is no need to make motherhood a chore unnecessarily.

Yep, do it. It's the norm where I live and one of the reasons I am reluctant to move back to the UK! I just hired one to help with my 23 month old and baby due in a few weeks. It's been an absolute relief to put my feet up and hear her giggling away next door or be taken to the playground.