To expect sons dad to have some kind of comfy sleeping place for DS.

[Kab129]

DS used to sleep at his dads quite often in his dads old place but now not so much at all in their new place. Dd doesn't want to go.

There's been talks of starting overnights more regular again.

But there's nowhere for him to comfortably sleep at his dads new place. My ex and his partner have 2 very small children. I know houses are expensive. I don't expect DS to have his own bedroom there seeing as his little he actually goes over there these days BUT they've arranged nothing.

He's stayed in the new house a handful of times in the last few months but DS doesn't want to go due to lack of comfort. . DS either sleeps on the floor with a quilt or maybe on the sofa which doesn't seem too bad but DS says the sofa isn't comfy. It's like one with a wood arm he says 😂

I mean there's other options right? They could buy a sofa bed? Or a camp bed? Air mattress?!

Aibu to think they should sort something? Even just a fold out camp bed?! Then maybe he will want to go again!

Of course his dad should have an appropriate place for him to sleep. Relegating your children children the floor or an uncomfortable sofa sends the message that dad doesn't really care.
No wonder your DD doesn't want to go as it sounds like your ex has a case of new-family-itis.

No ynbu at all. I'd expect our children to have their own room or bed at least and feel not like a last minute visitor.

@LolaSmiles

Of course his dad should have an appropriate place for him to sleep. Relegating your children children the floor or an uncomfortable sofa sends the message that dad doesn't really care. No wonder your DD doesn't want to go as it sounds like your ex has a case of new-family-itis.

You're right. This is just part of it. My ex had his own place alone before lockdown 1 and DS used to stay sometimes. He's since moved in to a place with partner! But it hasn't been an issue in a while. Sons dad used covid as a perfect excuse not to see him, he's barely seen him until recently!

I won't start on the girlfriend. I think she is a big part of it, only because sons dad used to see him a lot more before they moved in to a house together and had kids together!

To add ds is 10 nearing 11!

I won't start on the girlfriend. I think she is a big part of it, only because sons dad used to see him a lot more before they moved in to a house together and had kids together!

No. Don’t start on the girlfriend. This is on your utter arsehole of an ex. It’s his decision to treat his children as if they don’t matter. And only his. Poor kids.

I would expect an actual bed. Not necessarily his own bedroom, but he absolutely should have his own bed and his own space in his father’s home. If dad didn’t bother setting that up, he might as well have said that your son doesn’t exist.

YANBU at all, my son has a proper bed at my partners house and he’s not his child, just visits a few times a month when we both stay over there.

Yes I would expect them to have a bed, own room no but own bed is a must.

Could he get a roll out bed under one of the other kid’s beds or a comfy camp bed in that room. Or a sofa bed downstairs for ex and his partner and your son have their bed when he stays. Is there a DD as well or was that a typo?

He needs a proper bed! They need to get bunk beds or something

You can buy blow up kids airbeds in Aldi for about £12 so really no excuse. Shit dad

None of this is your exes partners fault or doing.

She isn't responsible for your DC. Your ex is while they are there.

He needs to sort a sofa bed or something. That might even make it more "fun".

But please don't start slating his partner for his shit behaviour

Always blame the woman. Be sure never to hold the man accountable.

Is it a 2 bed place that they have? How old are the children he lives with? Saying that a blow up mattress at a bare minimum!

Frankola to be fair, the OP has only said the partner is part of it, and that's not entirely unbelievable. The number of threads on here where women are making it clear that they'd rather their DP focuses on them and their children and their new family, and that his existing kids are something of an inconvenience is upsetting. It's depressing how many men are willing to play happy families whilst neglecting their existing children though.
I've no idea what women see in men who happily ignore their children.

The responsibility for being a decent dad lies with the ex. It's entirely possible that his new partner is equally unreasonable in her conduct.

I won't start on the girlfriend. I think she is a big part of it, only because sons dad used to see him a lot more before they moved in to a house together and had kids together!

Why would you try and blame her and not your childs' actual parent?

@nimbuscloud

I won't start on the girlfriend. I think she is a big part of it, only because sons dad used to see him a lot more before they moved in to a house together and had kids together!

No. Don’t start on the girlfriend. This is on your utter arsehole of an ex. It’s his decision to treat his children as if they don’t matter. And only his. Poor kids.

I wish this was true. This is just part of it! She doesn't like DS at all! He has sen and doesn't like him around her younger children sadly and won't allow DS any toys over there. My ex used to see ds a lot more until he moved in with her then it just dwindled out 😭 I'm not saying it's entirely her fault at all but she is a part of it! My sons dad needs to buck up. But this is a while different story and I don't really want to go into full details! DS always asked me why he isn't allowed to daddy's house very often. DS isn't allowed much of a relationship with his siblings. If he stays there he isn't allowed over until they are are asleep and he comes home really early.

Im not a bitter ex jealous of his new girlfriend or anything which is causing me to say these things. I split up with DS's dad when I was pregnant so 11 years ago!! I've been with dh since ds was one year old and we have children too!

It's just one big mess!

Are the two young children already sharing? If they will stay regularly then I would expect a proper single mattress at least. They cost less than £100 and can be stored under another bed or behind a sofa.

Your poor DS. Your ex's new partner sounds horrible and your ex is treating his son awfully and accepting his son being treated like something yo be kept out the way.

It's not a mess OP. You're doing what you can. He has a mum and a stepfather who love him. In time he will probably come to the same conclusion about his father as your daughter already has.

@Kab129 it’s STILL not her fault, it’s still your Ex’s fault.
Any decent man/dad would always put his child first.
It’s easier to blame her, but it’s not her. It’s his fault for not putting his child first.

Insist that the dad purchase an appropriate sleeping solution prior to your son going for another visit. Camp bed, fold-away cots (called roll-away beds here in the US) with a decent mattress, a decent air bed...anything.

Yes absolutely he should have somewhere comfy to sleep. As LolaSmiles said it’s about the message it’s sending too not just comfort.
If they’ve only just recently moved in then I’d give them the benefit of the doubt but if they’ve lived there for a few weeks or more then there’s no reason they can’t get a fold up camp bed.

YANBU. I’m a step mum and I’m not with my sons dad either.

DS has a bed in his dads house, it’s in his dads room, not ideal but he’s little so it works fine for the time being. His dad only has a one bed place, frankly they make an adventure of it and end up bed sharing a lot, they’re both happy with it. Fine by me.

My DSD has a bedroom here, she chooses not to sleep over, which we would like her to change her mind on, but she’s almost a teen and it’s a bit delicate, so we wait it out with an open door.

Your child should have a bed. Bare minimum.

YANBU. Bloody hell, his dad couldn't even bother to arrange a sofa bed or fold out bed for his son to sleep on when he visits? How unwelcome must he feel if his dad can't be bothered to even find something for him to sleep on?

Just a thought.
If they have 2 children and live in a small 2 bed house..maybe they are struggling to afford a bed for DS?