To expect sons dad to have some kind of comfy sleeping place for DS.

[Kab129]

DS used to sleep at his dads quite often in his dads old place but now not so much at all in their new place. Dd doesn't want to go.

There's been talks of starting overnights more regular again.

But there's nowhere for him to comfortably sleep at his dads new place. My ex and his partner have 2 very small children. I know houses are expensive. I don't expect DS to have his own bedroom there seeing as his little he actually goes over there these days BUT they've arranged nothing.

He's stayed in the new house a handful of times in the last few months but DS doesn't want to go due to lack of comfort. . DS either sleeps on the floor with a quilt or maybe on the sofa which doesn't seem too bad but DS says the sofa isn't comfy. It's like one with a wood arm he says 😂

I mean there's other options right? They could buy a sofa bed? Or a camp bed? Air mattress?!

Aibu to think they should sort something? Even just a fold out camp bed?! Then maybe he will want to go again!

The least they should do is swap the uncomfortable sofa for a sofa bed. Poor DS.

@LolaSmiles

Frankola to be fair, the OP has only said the partner is part of it, and that's not entirely unbelievable. The number of threads on here where women are making it clear that they'd rather their DP focuses on them and their children and their new family, and that his existing kids are something of an inconvenience is upsetting. It's depressing how many men are willing to play happy families whilst neglecting their existing children though. I've no idea what women see in men who happily ignore their children.

The responsibility for being a decent dad lies with the ex. It's entirely possible that his new partner is equally unreasonable in her conduct.

People like that deserve each other though don't they? Why inflict that kind of scum on other people?

Like take this situation. The ex isn't bothered about his own kid from a previous relationship, uses excuses to not see his child, god knows if he provides for him in other ways (I hope so but the facts so far suggest otherwise), and he can't even be assed to spend £10 on an air bed. He no doubt expects op to do that. So there's father of the year right there.

Then the new partner. Doesn't like her partners kid, but stays with him anyway and gets pregnant twice, while knowing that he isn't that bothered about seeing his child. Makes it obvious she doesn't like his son at all and would probably prefer he didn't exist.

Both are scum, and both deserve each other. No decent human being should have to put up with people like that. Better off you stick scum with scum.

I would just stop bothering op. Your son is better off without that in his life.

@Bookaholic73

No idea why I can’t quote, but in reply to *@SaltAndVinegarSandwiches*

So you’d turf yourself AND your OH out of bed?
There is no way that I’d give up my bed for my DH’s child. Our bed is for us.

And you are just like the ex and the partner. You got together with a man who has kids, you don't treat as inferior to you. If you don't like that, divorce him. But treating them like that is horrible.

www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/hemnes-day-bed-frame-with-3-drawers-white-90349326/

This sofa bed from IKEA is great value (£215) and looks wonderful.

If I was the NRP, I wouldn’t be moving in with a partner who didn’t make my child welcome, and I wouldn’t have a partner in my house who wasn’t good to my child. Yes the girlfriend might not be very nice, but this is all on the father, because his father is the one who is choosing to live with a woman who won’t tolerate his child. I mean seriously, what kind of a man is he if he won’t stand up to her over the welfare of his own child?

I’d either be insisting that your ex provides suitable sleeping arrangements for your DS or he wouldn’t be going. I certainly wouldn’t be allowing my DS to be treated like a second-class citizen, not in anybody’s house, whether I’m around or not. The fact that you even have to address this though says a lot about your sons father, and if that were me it would be a situation I’d have to think about very carefully indeed.

When my step daughter was little we had a fold out chair. Takes hardly any space and was comfy. Yanbu

Has everyone missed the part where hes not allowed to be with his siblings and is turfed out before they get up

you shouldnt be allowing visits on this basis

Has everyone missed the part where hes not allowed to be with his siblings and is turfed out before they get up
That bit stood out to me. It's such a horrible attitude. The father is letting his kids down and prioritising his new family.

@Justcallmebebes

You can buy blow up kids airbeds in Aldi for about £12 so really no excuse. Shit dad

Yes, I was going to say this. I got an air mattress for £10 and it's actually really comfortable! He should definitely have his own bed, pillow, pillow case, bed sheets, duvet etc and bed space and maybe somewhere for all of his stuff. You can even buy those little open air rails or a little cabinet to fold clothes to put into. Little things like that make a difference. He shouldn't be sleeping on the floor (unless he wants to and it's a Japanese sleeping mat or something like that!).

@LolaSmiles

Has everyone missed the part where hes not allowed to be with his siblings and is turfed out before they get up That bit stood out to me. It's such a horrible attitude. The father is letting his kids down and prioritising his new family.

I mentioned it a few posts up, and came back to see if anyone had followed up. But people still seemed to be focusing on where to buy a fold-out bed. Which seems to be the least of the problems, frankly.

It seems that the partner doesn't want this child with additional needs to even be seen by her own children. And his DD is facilitating that by sneaking him into the house when they're asleep, and booting him out again when they wake.

If that's the case, it's absolutely appalling.