Looking better is more faff than it's worth?

[sugarcubess]

I have been feeling rubbish lately . I stopped having a fringe as I couldn't keep up with the fortnightly trims, same with gel nails far too much maintenance for hands and feet every 2/3 weeks. I grew out my natural brown hair colour as fed up of having roots within 4 weeks with a full head of highlights. Eyebrows need doing every 4-6 weeks approx . Wax my chin myself .

I don't have time to keep having these treatments but look/ feel rubbish without .

I have a toddler and pregnant with sickness & nausea still at 6 months . I also work. I will get fed up looking like crap so will book a beauty treatment which then is faff to attend and then I think great needs doing again after 2 weeks 😭

First world problems but what's the solution do I just leave it all and be natural ?

I think you could ditch the nails and toes as it is something you can easily improve at home when the urge takes you. And agree they look pretty but the routine appointment to soak off is a faff.

I no longer have enough eyebrows to worry about but i think them being a nice shape can help. Frame the face and look instantly groomed. There are a lot of places near me do walk ins for threading no appointments. In shopping centres and superdrugs. If you get them done even every 2-3 months you should be able to pluck and maintain the shape.

With your hair. It isn't the right cut and colour for your circumstances if it needs 4 weekly upkeep. Thats a ballache for anyone. So you and your hairdresser need a plan. What colour and style would she recommend for you to push it out to 8 weeks? You could then box dye at home on week 4 to keep tidy if needed. But ideally you would avoid that as well. Ask for her suggestions. It may be going more natural.

I think applying a good moisturiser at night. Drinking enough water. Doing 10,000 steps a day. Mastering a 5 minute make up routine for week days. Taking 10-15 mins on it at the weekend will all give you a huge lift when you look in the mirror.

If you are feeling low about your appearance then spending a little time on yourself each day is a need not a luxury. My toddler sat on the bed in my room whilst i did mine daily. Its not an either or situation. Believe you are worth it. If it gives you self esteem and confidence its not vanity.

Oh, and buy a really lovely lipstick in a colour that makes you happy.

Yes, I’m shallow, but it keeps me going 😊

Do you need your nails doing in pregnancy? Mine wouldn't stop bloody growing. They're so brittle and snap most of the time or I bite them but they were thick and luscious and long from about 20 weeks.

Anyway, I know that wasn't your question. Absolutely drop the upkeep parts of your self care but don't drop all your self care. Only do what actually makes you feel good.

Instead of nails, treat yourself to a nice bracelet or necklace that you really love and it makes you feel beautiful wearing it.

Absolutely look for nice maternity clothes, though full disclosure when I was pregnant everything maternity looked frumpy and now I'm 2 years not-pregnant I keep seeing maternity clothes where I think aw bloody hell that looks gorgeous I wish I had that. They probably did make nice maternity clothes but I had no self confidence when I was pregnant.

Chin hairs- wax, shave, pluck. Do what you need to do. Embrace them. I've always just shaved my beard.

Hair - go get a long straight bob. Barely any layers. It's nice to have down, it's nice to have up, if you braid it you don't end up with pokey little hairs sticking every where. Embrace your natural hair colour.

This is meant to be one of the most precious times in your life and you do not want to spend it being uncomfortable when it seemingly has little benefit to you.

Talk to your hairdresser about how to break up the colour of your hair in a more natural way. After years of blonde highlights I switched to just lifting my naturally mousy brown hair with a few caramel streaks. It looks much classier and regrowth is much less noticeable. Twice a year at the heiresses does me now.

A bob with choppy ends which is long enough to tie back if needed looks good and is very low maintenance.

The media has done a great job persuading women that they need to spend upwards of £1500 a year to 'look good'. It's only happened relatively recently. I'm 60 and I can remember about 25 years ago starting to see professional women at work with painted nails and the occasional nail salon popping up: before that nail varnish, and particularly long nails, was seen as quite vulgar. I've had the occasional head of highlight but have never had them redone every month.

It's sexist. Participating in it is participating in a world where women are judged on their looks. If you have girls, how about showing them that being female doesn't mean you have to be forever competing on the looks front. If you can change your mindset and learn to appreciate yourself for how you are, imagine how much more quickly you'll be able to pay off the mortgage/ reach your pension pot goal.

I think the problem is it just gets worse in that the older and older you get you need to put in more and more effort, so it’s more efficient to come to terms with how you look, or rather that how you look doesn’t define you. Not easy though!

@Shedbuilder I disagree. I enjoy a level of grooming, it makes me happy, and I don’t feel pressure to do it.

I get my brows done every other month. Hair done 2 or 3 months. Nails in a blue moon. It is time consuming if you do these things regularly. I think the answer is to prioritise and do it a bit less frequently. But if you're really not bothered then that's fine too.
Can you get some hair accessories for growing your fringe out?

My grand-mother thinks standards are so much lower than when her mother and her were young women, it's hardly new! Women used to come up with all kind of tricks during WW2 to improve their appearance and nothing was available.

Do whatever is best for you. I i didn't touch my hair during pregnancies and lockdown, and it wasn't flattering. I look so much better with hair professionally done. I prefer a quick booking to get my eyebrows done than having to faff around with them all the time.

Being happy with what you look like and not hiding from photos is important.

Men take care in their appearance too, they just mainly do it differently.

Do what works for you, but focus on whether it's because you really enjoy it and not because you feel pressure to look a certain way.

If you hate the hairdressers and the cost, but want more than your natural colour, then you don't have to have a full head of highlights. You could have a subtle balayage done starting part way down your hair so you have no roots.

WouldBeGood
Not shallow at all. I don't wear much makeup and other than my hair I don't do any beauty treatments, but finding a nice lipstick is still on my to do list.
I can't find one that works well without other makeup on, so for years I've had 2 or 3 different pigmented glosses. They make me happy, but are useless with masks.

I think you should keep up the hair. I went with highlights that meant it was every six weeks maximum. Your eyebrows have been shaped, can't you pluck and tint yourself? Your nails you can do yourself. We have been sucked into thinking natural isn't good enough.

But It's not 'because you are a mum', it's because you've had a switch in priorities. Next time something is said, put a different spin on it. You value family time, don't let someone else's value system doubt yourself. Three years will go quickly and once again you can go back to a beauty routine that suits you.

I wonder what makes us have a different approach to grooming and why some women feel they need it and some don’t. I have never had my nails done. DS GF is an exceptionally pretty teenager and she has just started having her nails done. She likes it so can crack on spending her £30 every few weeks but their just nails. She is just as pretty as she ever was no more no less.

Your on a hiding to nothing Shedbuilder I’m 55 and your contemporary. We grew up when hair and make up were absolutely a thing and they have been for millennia but the level of grooming was not so intense and certainly rarely done professionally. The beauty business is just that a business to make money and it’s booming.

DS GF is an exceptionally pretty teenager and she has just started having her nails done.

Many very young women are passionate about beauty, make-up etc. - when they really don't need them, but it also make them a lot older, but sadly many give up completely when they have a child - and could do with a boost.

Priorities change ,but for many people, the timings are poorly chosen.

good god £120.00 for highlights?. My hairdresser (mobile) charges £50.00 for full head and a cut and blow for my shoulder length hair which i have done every 7-8 weeks or so. Could you find a mobile hairdresser in your area that could do your hair cheaper?. Your nails would look lovely as other have said keeping them short and shiny. Im sure you look lovely just the way you are.

I've also bought a nail lamp and do my own gels. To get the lamp, base/top coat and a few different colours cost about £100 vs £40 each time at the salon. It's been a game changer for me.

I think its worth the effort I put in because I feel much better when I look better. I don't do a lot of the things you mentioned though. My hair is naturally a mousy brown but looks best dark so I dye it chocolate brown myself, pluck and tint my own brows, not bothered about nails and I wear makeup most days. Most time consuming thing is fake tan every 6 days or so but that is definitely worthwhile to me and isn't really a big job at all.

I do a box dye about every 3 weeks which is much easier than commiting to a hairdressers appointment, as i can just fit it in when I have a spare bit of time and feel like doing it.
Eyebrows, I do like going getting them waxed, but I havent been since pre-lockdown-1 and with the occasional plucking or home eyebrow strips they still look ok, especially if i use brow mascara.

I dont think all these things need to be all or nothing. It is easier to not bother about any of it, and thats up to you, but I feel like its taking care of myself a bit and I quite like looking a bit more groomed in my own way

OP there are some great tutorials for colouring hair on youtube. I'm going grey and was spending a fortune on highlighting the T-zone every 6 weeks and it was the cost and the time, but now I bleach my hair then apply a toner and it lasts for ages. There's a guy Brad Mondo if you look at his youtube he goes through everything. I had to order the colour online. I think a good haircut is worth it though unless you have long hair. It's about doing the minimum that will make you feel better :)

I wonder what makes us have a different approach to grooming and why some women feel they need it and some don’t.

Yes, I was thinking that. Of all the things mentioned, I get my hair cut. Sometimes I think to shave under my arms.

No eyebrows or eyelashes. No hair removal. No nails. No Botox or fillers. No makeup. I’m sure some people must think I look washed out or unpolished or some such, but I have lots of friends and I feel very loved. So, I dunno…

I do sympathise about facial hair. Im very fair but I think I’d be self conscious about whiskers.

I agree that there is a halfway option. Since lockdown i colour my own roots (£4.50 every month), have my toe nails cut, filed and painted every 6 weeks (£12), do my own finger nails, pluck and tint my eyebrows (£6 kit lasts for months).

Oh, @LolaSmiles have you found one of those that stays on? I wear full slap every day, but I’ve been searching for something like that for my gym days 😂

My fringe is a pain though as my local hairdressers won’t just just do a fringe trim anymore so I go into town every 6 weeks to get it done and do it a tiny bit in between.

My guiding principle for this sort of thing is that its worth it if it increases your self-confidence and is affordable. If it doesn't fit those critera, its not.

A lot of the aesthetic/grooming stuff you are expected to do is a) barely noticed by others and b) marketed to us as women in order to support industries rather than because we actually need it. A very large amount of it can be disregarded.

That said there are certain things which will make you feel better about yourself and thus improve your confidence. The trick is finding the stuff which actually makes a difference and which you can afford. If you're bankrupting yourself to buy expensive beauty serums etc which no-one will notice its just not money well spent.

I know which things actually have a direct impact on my quality of life: in my case its all about good, regular haircuts and most of the rest of it is discretionary. But everyone will have their comfort levels.

I don't think you have to have a permanent policy on this either. Do as much as you can afford/have time for when you can, let it go when you can't.

I can't be bothered with all the faff. I've stopped dying my hair and haven't ever had my nails done.

I have become newly over invested in my eyebrows since getting sucked into a beauty theatre recently though. Tinting them only takes 5 minutes but the worrying about how bad a job I made of it takes a bit longer.

I felt obliged to go to the hairdressers now they're open but I gave in and trimmed my own hair last night and realised I'm much happier doing it myself than paying to be disappointed! I do have curly hair though so it's quite forgiving.

I think chose what bits you do and try and do things with an easier upkeep. Highlights are a pain, with it without a new baby.