Struggling. Opinions pleass

[Annie2317]

I'm a 30 Yr old single mom. I work full time (basic wage) and I'm living with my parents. My child is only a toddler & goes to nursery 4 days a week.
My mom gets them ready as I start work very early in the morning (2 hours before nursery starts) and picks them up as they finish at the same time as I do, she then looks after them on a Friday for 5 hours while I'm at work. They never look after them over night or weekends.

My parents and now asking that I pay 500pm for living at home and looking after my child, I was originally paying 300.
500 is just under half of my wage a month and after paying nursery fees swimming lessons phone bill and doing a shop for the month I'm left with next to nothing.

Does anyone else think this is wrong?

I'm not in the UK but is your full time wage just over a grand? That is shockingly low! Honestly I would move out and claim top up benefits. Its ridiculous as a 30yr old mum of 2 to still be living with and depending on your parents. Perhaps they have upped it to try and light a fire under your ass? It must be very imposing for them having to do so much childcare and living with their grown daughter and grandkids 24/7.

£500 for a home and live-in help with the DC is a good deal. And it's the deal they're offering so your only real option if you don't like it is to rent and top up your income with benefits (which you must be entitled to if you're earning so little). This is an expensive time for all parents, especially lone parents, when DC are in nursery, and most people are not left with much at the end of the month. That's the cost of living and having young DC, unless you're very lucky you work at a loss and make the savings when they start school and you've kept your career.

Are you actually saving? Do you put £500 away every month?
I wonder if they see you are getting used to living well beyond your means and this is effectively enforced saving? You do need to get used to living with realistic figures or you will be there forever.
Who knows, one day they might be planning to give it all back to you but don't rely on that

I agree they are doing a lot for you but I can't actually imagine asking my daughter, a lone parent working full time, for any rent! Let alone £500.
Can you explain that you are saving up and that amount means you can't save a penny?

I don’t think they are wrong and it seems fair but I can’t see my dad ever charging me to do what your parents are doing. But maybe your parents can’t afford you all living there?

Are you in the UK, because if you are, you aren't being paid even minimum wage based on what you have described! That should be looked at, plus you'd certainly be entitled to benefits at those numbers.

I was wondering along the same lines as @Calmdown14 - do your parents think you aren't saving? It seems a big jump from £300 to £500 all of a sudden. I think if I were you I'd see what my options were, eg, if they evict you could you seek help. This doesn't sound workable. Of course the childcare is a bargain but it's not helpful if you can't save towards bettering your situation!

Have you talked to your parents about this - what do they say about your situation ?

The alternative is that you get up 2 hours earlier to get your child ready for nursery, and pay a child minder to collect on Fridays. That would cost you far more then what your mums proposing. I think 500 is fair, that's rent, heating, electricity, water, council tax, broadband and looking after your child in the week.

Well, I must say, as a fellow single mum to a toddler, who's dad has stopped seeing her and paying for her with no notice, I really wish I had your luxuries.

My child has been away from me for 2 nights since birth, and I mean literally from bedtime til wake up. My parents do not come and get her ready for me, they don't take her overnight or cook for her etc. To be fair, why should they, they reared me and my sibling, it's not their job to rear my child. But I think maybe you should be a tad more grateful for what they do.

Check using the benefits calculator online, to see if you're better off moving out.

I cannot imagine their motive if they do not have a mortgage to pay and wouldn't charge my children more than they could afford, especially if I was also encouraging them not to rent but to save for (presumably a deposit for a house?).

I second people suggesting checking the benefits calculator and seeing if you would actually be in a better situation moving.

The amount is reasonable and you are an adult, responsible for your own living costs and for your child.
Do you know what your parents motivation is for asking for the 500? Are they trying to make you stand on your own feet? Would they really prefer you to own your own home? Might they be stashing away some of the money to help you onto the housing ladder in a couple of years time? Or do you think they are short of cash themselves?

@Annie2317

First of all. I have no issue paying money, the issue is, I'm trying to save every penny I can but how can I save when I have no money to save. I moved out (rented) and due to the area I lived in it was to expensive (hence why I moved back wifh parents). They also told me that renting is the worse thing I could do because it's dead money. So I couldn't win. I work unsociable hours. Yes I know I should look for another job but it's a lot easier said then done to walk into another job with hours I can work around my child. I've been told I'm not entitled to any benefits. My money is solely what I earn. We have a bedroom between us. Yes I buy a monthly food shop to help towards that. They own there house so no there isn't a mortgage to pay for. Also I'm not using my parents at all. They offered to look after my child while I worked, because in their words 'Its better then being on benefits' when in reality I'd probably be better off working a lesser paid job and claiming benefits.

You'd be better off on benefits in a council house and working

I also think it’s a reasonable amount.

There will be other ways you can save - food bill, cheaper phone etc.

does your DC dad pay maintenance? If not, get that sorted. Also you must be entitled to child benefit.

I’d see this request by your parents as a sign that they can’t do this forever and they would like you to focus on finding a job with better hours that earns more. Are you doing that?

£500 for rent, bills and childcare is a bargain! They are doing a huge amount to support you.

Your wages seem very low, which is why I imagine you are struggling. It seems like you would be entitled to some benefits, are you sure you aren't?

Having been the child living at home with my own child, I can see both sides of this.

My parents didn’t charge us rent or childcare costs and DH and I were very grateful for that. It meant we could save up to move out. We have now but my parents still help us out with childcare. My mum picked up DD1 from school every day and she stayed over at theirs a couple of nights a week. The sleepovers were because they loved having her and DD1 loved staying with them.

I’m now on mat leave with DD2 and my mum said whilst I was pregnant that she assumed she would be having DD2 when I’m back at work. Again, we’re very grateful. She said she would rather DD2 was with her because she got to spend time with her, we would have more money for family time and DD2 wouldn’t need to go to nursery. She considered it a win win and is looking forward to it. They’ve helped us out financially during my mat leave too (car insurance is a multi-car cover and they don’t want the money for our cars until I’m being paid again and our washing machine broke so they lent us the money for a new one).

I know that I’m incredibly lucky to have very generous parents who can afford to support us. That’s not the same for everyone though. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for your parents to charge you rent but, if they want you to move out, allowing you to save would speed up that process. Have you been saving up to now?

So for £500 you'll be getting daily childcare, a roof over your head and your bills covered?

That's more then reasonable! You could always move out if you think you'd do better on your own

why have they upped the cost?

I know my own parents would not charge me a penny if I was in your situation. But I also don't think your parents are wrong to ask for the money.

You would probably be better off moving out and claiming universal credit.

Also this working pattern you describe is so hard to find cover for, and it will effect how your mum lives her life for most of the week, needing to be up with your toddler in the morning, do drop-offs, and picks-ups four days a week, plus the chunk of every Friday. That's a lot and in tricky slots for any other form of childcare. Even if they don't need the rent, they might well want compensating for having to do all of that. You can only do your job because of their help, and unless you live in a very cheap area, the rent is not a lot for presumably a nice family home. You call it a room but no doubt you use the whole of the house rather than sit in your room with your toddler all the time. Sure they've paid off the mortgage, but that's because they lived their life a certain way and they presumably believe in adults paying their way in life. If you can't move out, I'd suck it up/be grateful for the help until DC is in school then start to save up for my own place.

£500/month for rent, bills and childcare is an absolute bargain.

You are an adult, you should not expect your parents to support you financially. Get some advice about benefits and think about moving out.

It sounds like now you’re 30, they expect you to start being able to take some additional responsibility. This seems fair to me although it is a personal decision for parents. I don’t think 500 is a huge amount given the support they provide (rent in many places is much higher). I agree with them that renting doesn’t give much back but have you spoken to them about what your financial plans are? Are you saving a set percentage of your wage every month? Is it in a LISA with the intention of buying your own home? These aren’t questions I expect you to answer on a forum but a conversation I would be having with my parents in your situation. Perhaps they would let you put the extra into a LISA for example if they knew it was moving towards you gaining a bit more independence. Or perhaps they need the money for something but you don’t know as you haven’t chatted it through

@Beautiful3

The alternative is that you get up 2 hours earlier to get your child ready for nursery, and pay a child minder to collect on Fridays. That would cost you far more then what your mums proposing. I think 500 is fair, that's rent, heating, electricity, water, council tax, broadband and looking after your child in the week.

A childminder for 5 hours every Friday isn't going to cost more than £500 (or even the increase of £200) a month. Don't be ridiculous.

I don't know much about the benefit system, but I had a quick go at an online calculator, which suggested someone living with relatives (maybe paying money informally, but not a formal lodger) and working full time on minimum wage is eligible for ~£200/week in Universal Credit. That jumped a bit if you rented in the private sector.

I'm pretty sure a single income family on minimum wage is entitled to benefits, so get some better advice asap!