She seems older for her age

[Justsawagecko]

My toddler Dd. She’s almost 3 but has crazy vocabulary..using words like ‘Absolutely’ ‘Broadcasting’ ‘Besides’ etc. She hears something and it just seems to stick in her mind, she knows what it means too. Ever since she was around 1.5, her language just took off and we’ve had normal conversations ever since. She crawled & walked fairly late, but just seems so attuned to things and like an older child in a toddlers body in many ways. It worries me for the future, is this normal?

My eldest DS was very articulate and precise from an early age. He's still the same at almost 13 and is currently being assessed for autism. He does well at school (with a bit of a kick up the arse). To be honest, when he was small I was concerned about autism, but he met all his milestones and flew under the radar.

She used to come home from nursery and complain that the other children talked over each other and didn't take turns with the toys etc. She was always like a little grown up and was disappointed that they they didn't chat with her like I guess we did at home. It got better as the other children got older.

I thought 2 years olds still played mostly alongside each other and playing together was expected a bit later? Small children often seem to be really good at some things and poorer at others and over time it all evens out and you wouldn’t know who walked first or who talked first. Sounds like she has great vocabulary but maybe social skills are less developed. Being able to talk to interact with adults comes way before doing the same with peers as it’s much more difficult. Often easier for younger siblings as they have children around 24/7 from birth! Have you got any child development books? They may put your mind at rest that she’s very much within normal limits. Even within a family children can be so very different in terms of personality, extroversion, energy levels, social ability, maturity etc

Thing is that when you think how quickly they go from no language to long complete sentences it seems amazing.
I spent 5 years learning French and could just about reply to the standard questions. 🤣

But a lot if it is what you expose them to. My oldest we told that if she was cross she had to say "woe, woe and thrice woe" or we wouldn't know she was upset. So she did.
My middle one's first sentence was "am being careful" said normally as she climbed something she shouldn't.
My youngest could have told you age 3 about the engine of the Spitfire with great enthusiasm.

Didn't mean they were brilliant, simply that was something that was applicable to them all, they'd heard lots etc.

So if you talk about a "broadcast" for example at home. They'll use it. They don't know it's a long word for a little one. It's as normal to them as referring to "dolly" in another house.

On the playing with older people and adults, it can be a sign of social immaturity because they find their own age don't make allowances in the way older ones do.
But not at 3yo, it's normal for them to want to follow older ones at that age. Older ones are more fun and may be able to reach the chocolate biscuits too. 😋

My oldest was just like this and still is, he's 12 but sounds like a mini boffin next to other kids his age. He has a kind of antiquated turn of phrase as well as a stonking vocabulary. He has just been diagnosed with ASD at 12. Probably worth keeping an eye on, but there are also loads of posters here who had similar and their kids don't have ASD so it's probably a bit soon to tell.

I think some children are just like this. I thought my older 2 were pretty advanced with their vocabulary until my 3rd came along. Now 3 and the things she says amaze me every day. Lots of people say it’s because she’s a 3rd but I don’t think it is as my older 2 act like they have forgotten to talk over the last 18 months and she’s not had as much socialising with covid as my older ones. She is definitely way ahead of her peers in so much, I know as I was told this yesterday at nursery. I put it down to her taking after my DH, he’s like a sponge with knowledge, it just come naturally to him and I think it will just come naturally to her where my other 2 are going to have to put in some effort.

Why would it worry you? Seems like a pointless stealth boast, but it's quite common. My daughter had (and still has) a very advanced vocabulary but she can't write a word of it down as she's severely dyslexic.

My 10 year old was like this. Didn't walk until he was 2 but his vocabulary was brilliant. He was also small for his age so looked a lot younger which made his talking appear even more impressive.

[quote Justsawagecko]@33feethighandrising Thanks so much, your post made me feel a bit emotional, what is the wandering off thing do you think? She fire it less now, but can still go off exploring where she’s not supposed to and when younger, would just walk for miles with me following her! She’s amazing, but I’m exhausted pretty much all the time. Her peers seem more chilled or something. She doesn’t seem to have any problems with socialising though and will just walk up to anyone and say hello, which I was pleased about as I was very shy as a child.[/quote]
I'm not sure, we never really sussed it! He did love to run off though, and he loved to explore. I had friends who could take their toddlers with them for a Sunday lunch in a pub and they'd happily sit in a chair

DS? No way! He'd want to run behind the bar, get in every room (in a pub there are often lots of rooms you're not allowed in!) It was like he wasn't happy till he'd explored everywhere. (We gave up on the idea of Sunday lunch in pubs).

Or, if we were outside, he'd just run and run all over the place, he didn't seem to be heading for anywhere specific. And he didn't look back!

I was exhausted all the time when he was little. I remember when he was small talking about how tiring a day was, and how hard it was to get stuff done and getting roasted by other posters here as they were like "WTF are you on about, you've hardly done anything, that's a normal day", but keeping up with DS was exhausting! I didn't know he had ASD then.

DS calming down coincided with him having enough complex language to have a conversation with us that he found interesting. Mostly about imaginary worlds. And I wonder if these things are connected. It was like he suddenly noticed we could actually be of interest to him! He must have been about 4 I think.

DS is unfazed by other children. Some DC have tried to bully him in secondary and it's like water off a duck's back, it just doesn't get to him because his logical brain says they're being ridiculous, so why should he pay any attention to them? I wish I could be so matter of fact about it!

But he does find large groups difficult. We've not done any parties since his 8th birthday, which was something he looked forward to for weeks, then spent most of the party hiding under the table or outside, crying. It was just all too overwhelming I think.

He found it hard to make friends in primary, he had one DC he saw as a friend - although his teachers told me he did spend time with other DC too. In secondary, he's started finding his "tribe" (other geeks!) and he's making friends which is great to see. I've always said to him that the interests he has are ones that older DC tend to like, and his age group will catch up eventually, and it looks like it's starting to happen.

My daughter was like that when she was that age- extensive vocabulary and bright as a button. Never occurred to me to worry about it. In fact my other child didn’t learn to speak properly until he was nearer 5 due to SEN. My daughter was very lucky in comparison to him that she could communicate her thoughts and feelings from a young age, whereas her brother really suffered and still does at times, being unable to.

Apparently I was like this. Exceedingly bright in primary school but now at 44 I am pretty dozy

Either everyone caught me up or I went steadily downhill.

I'm a psychologist! It's perfectly normal. It's the normal distribution curve. Some kids learn language quickly, usually because they've been spoken to a lot. Some kids are much slower but overtake others. It's just life and we love then as they come, don't we?

I posted something similar about my 18 month old. Talks in sentences, knows over 200 words, walked at ten months and recognises number up to 15 and the alphabet.

Not a stealth brag but more of a genuine worry than none of the other toddlers seemed to be that way and maybe that was a sign of ASD as he is very different. Being a first time mum you worry about all sorts.

But previous posters are right about everyone catching up in the end. Don't let them feel bad about asking a question, there is loads online for if your child is behind their milestones but not really anything if they're in front. And ANYTHING that isn't normal is a worry for some first time mums!

My son is the same. Lots of comments, I secretly thought he might be some kind of word genius 😂 but nope, average in all other subjects- just loves words and using new ones /trying out phrases. I wouldn’t worry OP!

Do you have other children? Maybe your expectations of a 3yo are too low? Im always worrying about my 3yo because she's so far behind where my others were at this age, but even she knows some big words 🤷‍♀️

@LunaAndHer3Stars

FWIW all our DC are Autistic. They're all smart and each has an area they're very good at. Youngest is also well ahead of his class in a couple of areas. It's all a bit meh to me, they're who they are. They're quirky and smart, not 2E or gifted. 2E is twice exceptional a term for neuro diverse children who are also gifted.

‘Exceptional’ lmaoo they couldn’t have come up with a better term? Clearly the genius part is exceptional but the neurodiversity isn’t I guess a neurotypical would be ‘single exceptional’

@33feethighandrising I recognise so much in your post. She also has to explore (nosy!) into everything and everywhere and also the running for miles thing and never feeling the need to look back. She’s very independent and particular in what she wants to do. But then I think, these could be just general toddler traits 🤷🏻‍♀️

DS (now 23) Complained in Yr1 about his patronising and condescending teacher

He still does not suffer fool gladly

OP re socialising, please read up on autism in girls.
ASC presents very much differently socially to the mostly male presentation that's common knowledge.

Have you done the MChat-R test, if not, see how she scores.

If she's autistic, she's autistic and if she's not, she's not. The only way you'll know is by having a full assessment.

You're getting a mixed bag of replies because people are relating what you've said about her to their own experiences. Parents of NT kids are saying yes, all's ordinary. Parents of kids with ASC are saying there's a possibility because you've mentioned a few things which could be traits.

Bottom line, if the differences you see in her are causing her problems, then consider going for assessment.
If she's happy, her caregivers are happy and any differences aren't being remarked upon by her caregivers and in a negative way by her peers, then watch and wait awhile.

@ViceLikeBlip No, I don’t have any other children, she’s an only, I can’t have more. Perhaps I have no idea

I have a video of DD aged 3 or 4, at the time of anticipated Grexit (remember that? 2012 it was), doing a little skit explaining how Greece had run out of money, and Germany wanted their money back, etc. It was hilarious.

She’s grown into a clever but thankfully normal kid. She is doing very well at school, but also has lots of friends and is happy.

As an aside, toddlers’ brains are like sponges, they learn a new word every few minutes between the ages of 18 months and 6 years old.

Oh, and DD still has a very strong interest in world politics!

But then I think, these could be just general toddler traits

Yes, indeed they could!

You're doing the right thing, asking questions, finding out info, keeping an open mind, being her brilliant mum. You'll both be grand, whether she's on the spectrum or not, is my guess

[quote Justsawagecko]@ViceLikeBlip No, I don’t have any other children, she’s an only, I can’t have more. Perhaps I have no idea[/quote]
I'm also a teacher, and I think sometimes our own children can seem really "different" because we just care so much more about them! Like, I thought I really cared about the kids in my class, but once you've got your own it's just a completely different thing.

I mean, of course it may well be that your dd is on the autism spectrum (I don't know her!) but equally, you might just be really in tune with her, so you see her in much greater depth than any other child you know.

(even my kinda-behind-her-milestones dd sometimes says /asks something that I'll think is super profound, and I convince myself that she's a secret genius, still waters run deep etc etc. But in truth, I just don't notice all those tiny moments with other children)

@BlankTimes Thank you for that, I’ve just completed the test and it was scored as a medium risk 🤷🏻‍♀️But I don’t understand how as most of the answers I assume are ‘Normal’ not sure how else to say it