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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think teachers should not fuss staff members children publicly

90 replies

Bluebellsinthesnow · 23/06/2021 14:39

I've got a teaching assistant on my Facebook because we go years back. She started in September at the local school my child attends and is definitely brilliant with the children. We had sports day Monday. She has most of the teachers on her Facebook now, So alot of local mums from the school can see her stuff and the teachers interacting with her. Ofcourse they are people outside of work and are allowed to have social media.

But what I thought was a shame was many of us were proud of our kids and that they got some stickers for coming in the top four places. My child got a second place. Many others got various ones for top places.
The ta shared her child came third and fourth. Again she's allowed to share and be proud. But Five teachers wrote comments on her status to tell her daughter how wonderful she is. What a star she was. Lots of kisses and hearts. One of them said she couldn't wait to hear her story about it today when she sees her.

Fair enough. But what about all the other kiddies who didn't get extra praise and now she has had that massive confidence boost and extra fuss all because her mum's working there. She will probably tell some of the other kids what the teachers told her mummy to say and the other kids will wonder why they were not praised.

I don't like it. I just think a part of being a proffesional is to treat everyone equally. I don't think extra messages with kisses is fair or appropriate.

Or am I just being petty. Can't stand to see children favoured because of who their mum is.

OP posts:
loubylou1010 · 23/06/2021 14:40

This isn't something I would even think twice about? How bizarre.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 23/06/2021 14:41

YABU.

peruse · 23/06/2021 14:41

It wouldn’t even occur to me to be annoyed about this.

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 23/06/2021 14:42

It's the mum's facebook though, not the child's. How would the children even know what their parents and teachers are writing on Facebook?

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 23/06/2021 14:42

Surely if it’s on Facebook it’s because the parents are friends not because they teach this child. To me it doesn’t show favouritism towards the TAs child it’s just being nice to a friend’s child.
Think you’re getting annoyed about nothing

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 23/06/2021 14:44

How would the child even know that? What a strange thing to be annoyed about. I'm sure the teachers praised all the kids after sports day and told them how well they did. Sound like you're jealous to be honest.

SionnachRua · 23/06/2021 14:51

Ah would you stop. They're friends, friends chat outside work. If you don't like seeing it then unfriend the TA or hide her posts. Or get a job there yourself if virtual kisses and hearts from class teachers are that important to you. Grin

Etceteraaah · 23/06/2021 14:51

Yes you're being petty. If they're all friends on Facebook then it's just friends talking about friends' children.

Stellaroses · 23/06/2021 14:52

I'm a teacher and I can see your point. Similar situatuons arise for us when there's been some sort of competition and another teacher's child has won and we all congratulate on fb...but the next day, I'll see the parent of the person who won something else, and make a fuss of them congratulating. I mean one I have on fb and one I don't, it doesn't mean we don't make a similar fuss of all the children. It's more about congratulating a friend's child than that she is a teacher's child.

Maryann1975 · 23/06/2021 14:53

Firstly, sports day is a complete PITA. I do not miss it at all now mine are older. All the super competitive parents getting all wound up about a few races amongst 6 year olds.

Did your friends comment on your child’s photos on Facebook? Did you tell your child what was said? I don’t tend to bother tbh. (Although tbf, I very rarely post anything on social media so there wouldn’t be a lot to say).

Are you one of these parents who is always trying to get on first name terms with the staff and now feeling like your child is missing out because the school staff all know the TAs dc and not your dc? I very much doubt she is getting special treatment in school. Bubbles are still a thing round here, so teachers will only see their own class and the majority of teachers I know are so professional, they wouldn’t favour their friends child anyway, they know better than to do so.

BobMortimersPetOwl · 23/06/2021 14:56

Why can a lot of the mums (why not dads?) see what she posts on Facebook and what the teachers comment?

They're friends, having very normal interactions. Do you think teachers should be friends with all parents so they can validate their children on social media? Or do you perhaps think you should stop monitoring other people's social media?

Etceteraaah · 23/06/2021 14:56

Also, the teachers will have made a fuss of all the children anyway, because that's what they do. Or do you think all praise in schools should be removed otherwise it's unfair on everyone if they don't all get equal praise at all times. Honestly, go get yourself a cup of tea and a biscuit and cool off a bit, because a bit of Facebook praise between friends is really not worth this angst.

Librariesmakeshhhhappen · 23/06/2021 14:58

Jesus Christ. Toughen up. And teach your kids toughen up. If they find this upsetting then how the fuck are they going to get through life?

Teach your kids resilience. That's more important than complaining about a teacher telling their friend on social media that their kid did a good job.

JaneTheVirgin · 23/06/2021 14:59

YABU.

They're not commenting as teachers of the child, they're commenting as friends of her mum.

You are massively overthinking it and coming across as very petty and jealous.

TriangularPrism · 23/06/2021 15:00

Oh give over Confused

HollyGarland · 23/06/2021 15:02

Surely the kids aren’t on Facebook so won’t have seen it? I don’t think it’s an issue really - of course people are going to comment on the activities of their friends’ kids more than other people’s children.

rainbowunicorn · 23/06/2021 15:04

Yes you are being petty, ridiculous and frankly very immature. It is no different to any work colleagues being kind about each other's family. I have several people at work who are social media friends. They post the kids / grandkids acheivements and I like them and sometimes comment.
The child is not being favoured. Your post comes across as not very nice.

FluffMagnet · 23/06/2021 15:06

As the daughter of a teacher who has been taught by many of my mum's friends, including my sister's godmother (my poor sister had the misfortune of being taught by my mum for the whole of Yr 2, which was very difficult for both), I can assure you that it was the opposite of favouritism, as people tripped over themselves to ensure we were not being shown advantage. In fact we were often disadvantaged just to be safe. Even as primary aged children, we were well versed in the differentiation between school and private lives, including use of different names, why we couldn't ask for "favours" and why it wouldn't be seemly to get plum roles in the Christmas play etc. I guess we were fortunate in that most of the teachers were a similar age, so there were a small group of us all in the same boat, and so it was easier to see the precedent. Obviously this predated social media, but I presume the reality in school is similar these days.

thatsnotgoingtowork2 · 23/06/2021 15:08

What do you expect the teachers to do - ignore the post because the child goes to their school? Have every parent as a Facebook friend and spend their days 'marking' status updates?

I really doubt that the children in question will hear the comments or repeat them. They are pleasantries.

If your child went to a school where the staff were not supportive of each other it would be very unpleasant.

PurpleDaisies · 23/06/2021 15:08

They were commenting as friends who knew the children, not as professionals.

You are being far too sensitive.

pinkmagnolias · 23/06/2021 15:10

The teachers are doing this out of school. gushing about her daughter because they are friends. You are being very petty to think they can’t/shouldn’t do this.

What irks me A LOT is when teachers gush about other teachers children IN school. In my kids school, the teacher’s children are chosen for everything. Now THAT is unfair!

SorrySoldOut · 23/06/2021 15:14

jesus!! seriously? this is such a non issue

Souther · 23/06/2021 15:16

This is exactly the reason why anyone in a public facing role shouldn't have a public Facebook.

It's not worth the hassle people!

GlencoraP · 23/06/2021 15:17

I am very surprised that the teachers are on Facebook. It’s strongly discouraged at our school or only with very strict privacy protocols. I have quite a few friends with children at school , one of my ds closest friends has a mother who teaches them, we are friends but she would not do this for fear of it appearing as favouritism, having said that why would you boast about your dc on Facebook , very tacky.

SionnachRua · 23/06/2021 15:20

@Souther

This is exactly the reason why anyone in a public facing role shouldn't have a public Facebook.

It's not worth the hassle people!

It won't be a public account. As FB friend with the TA, OP can see every comment other friends of hers leave on her posts. Unless they specifically block OP, that is. And then she'd come crying to MN about that too.
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