Mine is a specific situation which won’t apply to most but I was in a relationship on and off for years with a man who was a shit to me. We also worked together.
When we finally broke up, I told some of our other colleagues who only knew him professionally rather than personally about some of his bad behaviour. I regretted it almost immediately as it just made me look like a bit of a cow, however ‘wronged’ I was.
After that I just lived my best life as much as possible. He got married and had a child. I was civil and briefly congratulated him on both events. But did absolutely no more. He has been absolutely desperate ever since for me to absolve him of all his sins so he can feel OK about it by being friendly to him and I just won’t. Frankly I am well past caring but I know it will bug him forever and that’s fine with me. I’m not rude to him, I just don’t interact in the way he wants me to. At social events I will reply to a hello and then politely move away to speak to someone else etc.
Since we broke up, I’ve married another colleague (one he was always deeply professionally insecure about), had a happy marriage (I know his has been difficult), left my job, done different things and now work at a far more senior level than him (his career has totally stagnated). I’m no model but I’m quite a bit younger than him and age is not being kind to him whereas I’ve grown far more confident about my looks. He lives a deeply unhealthy lifestyle and I eat well and have found a love of exercise.
I don’t kid myself that I’m on his mind very much, but I feel immense satisfaction every time I do see him and realise that my refusal to grant him performative forgiveness remains a thorn in his side. I’m also aware of various bitter comments to mutual friends over the years that suggest he is very alive to the things that have gone well for me.