To think special needs schools need to stay open

[Defeatedbylife]

Im talking about during holidays,summer holidays are coming up and parents like me who are single or home while partners work and have no help in terms of families or friends utterly dread these times.Chilldren attending these schools need routine constantly and most of them arent learning a normal curriculum, instead they are learning basic life skills.
Im.talking from experience.
Ive lost all joy for living,every single day is the same as today,so bloody hard.im a stay at home mum as i have a severly mentally disabled child.he attends a special needs school but the holidays are fast approaching and im filled with utter dread,he makes so much mess ,like smearing food,his feaces,screaming,and its near impossible to go anywhere without someone tutting or complaining at his screaming.i dont blame them. I myself cant bear it.theres no clubs he can attend and family wont have him,every year i have a breakdown and no one knows.in terms of social care help its very minimal,a few hours a week.
Tonight im sitting here contemplating that its better not being here,i have no life,i dont forsee a future with any happiness.im not going to do anything,i know this.

I am so sorry you’re struggling so much My 4 year old son has SEN and as much as I love him he is so draining and so hard work and I often feel I can’t cope even though he’s in nursery 4 days a week! He’s starting school this year at an amazing SEN school but I’m already dreading the holidays and how tough the break in routine will be for him (and therefore me too). It’s awful that there isn’t more funding to offer more help and support through the holidays.
Does your son have a social worker? Are there any local charities / support groups you can go to for advice on how to get more support? Is there anyone at your sons school you can ask for advice? I don’t have experience in it directly, but I know there are respite and care services which can help so please reach out to someone to get the support you need.
It’s not easy being a mum, even harder being a mum with a child with additional needs. It might not feel like it but you’re doing an amazing job.
I hope you are ok xxx

I'm so sorry I can't imagine how hard things are for you. Have you got support? Please see your GP too (if you can).

Do you get respite at all? You need regular breaks, not just in school hours.

Yes they do. Staying here is your absolute right and you need other people to take that fight up for you so you are not battling through the holidays. I am hoping other much better people than me can answer you but I hear you.X

I am so so sorry to hear how you are feeling. I have no experience or practical advice as I am not in the same situation as you, but I know others are and will hopefully come along soon.

I just wish there was a place for these kids during holidays to occupy and tire them out with special needs teachers looking after them.theres nothing where I live ,ive scoured the net,asked everyone and anyone, social worker cant offer further help.my son needs 2 to 1 care to keep him safe so even our already paltry allowance is severed by two staff funding .its so dire

The issue is that the dedicated staff at these schools need and deserve a break over the holidays. Whilst I disagree that schools should remain open, I agree that respite care should be much better funded.

YANBU.
I can't offer any advice, but hopefully someone can. Definitely there should be some provisional over long holidays for respite, at least.

The teachers are entitled to their holidays. I’m not sure who else would be available to offer such specialised care during the holidays? I presume social services would be responsible, perhaps you could look into respite care? Or even long term residential care if the situation is too much to cope with?

So sorry to hear things are so hard in the holidays, OP. You might have tried this already but we found some info on respite care on the Scope website. Don't know if it might be of some use? www.scope.org.uk/advice-and-support/finding-respite-care-short-breaks/ . There's some info on access to short breaks in there.

Itsa shock when you realise how little support there is. With social service help you might be able to get some sort of regular respite but you might not. In my area there are some charities but you literally bid for time at them so parents get 2 days in the summer and half a day at easter..

It really needs to be much better funded.

That sounds so hard for you.

I think there are residential schools for children with special needs that are open all year round. Would you want your son/would he qualify to go to one of those? Or is it more that you don't want him to board but want something for him in daytime hours year round? Maybe some of those schools have day places?

Sorry, I don't have solutions really. But I sympathise.

Would your son be too tired by being at school for the whole year with no holidays?

@Tuberoses

The teachers are entitled to their holidays. I’m not sure who else would be available to offer such specialised care during the holidays? I presume social services would be responsible, perhaps you could look into respite care? Or even long term residential care if the situation is too much to cope with?

Nobody is saying that those working in special schools shouldn't have holidays. However, the OPs point is that many special schools are not schools in the traditional sense, and would benefit from being treated differently - so that the stafd could, for example, take leave over the year like care workers or nursery staff. Or at least that there should be better, more consistent and skilled respite in place.

There is no lovely summer break for a child who is traumatised by the change in routine and is stuck inside his bedroom, because his single parent mum can't manage taking him out of the house safely, while his little sister hides away, afraid of his outbursts and unable to invite friends over or to go out, and his mum is distraught and in poor mental health.

Consistent longer term support would be far more helpful for children, for families, and often beneficial for the wider community, in terms of better outcomes for the entire family including siblings, and reduced benefits and increased taxes from parents.

The current system is horrendous for carers.

Its so difficult and I am sorry you are having a difficult time.

I don't think schools should be open year round, but there definitely should be some sort of support and think its really letting families down, that there isn't

Sorry to hear you're struggling. Your childs EHCP should have in it that your child needs respite care, the council needs to provide, contact the school they should be pushing for respite- carers, respite, after school and summer clubs etc. CAHMS involvement?
I disagree that schools need to stay open but you do need a support network in place. What do all the other parents do?

No advice but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are in this situation with no decent help. It’s shocking.

Please tell your social worker that this is how you’re feeling and ask for extra support.

I voted YANBU, but in another way you are, and that is why the voting is fairly evenly split I should imagine.

YABU to think it should be that the staff who work so hard in special schools should have to work 52 weeks a year. (which is where I suspect the YABU vote is coming from)
However

You are obviously NOT BU to think there should be support and respite for families throughout the holidays, and also for the occasional weekend and there should also be provision for people with complex needs once they leave school.
It is horrendous the parity of respite care for families whose loved ones need so much care.

Speak to social services, there are dedicated holiday clubs offering respite care. It's not always easy to find them yourself. Contact a family, mencap and scope can help too. You're not alone there is help out there but you need to knock hard to be heard! X

I'm so sorry that you and your family are so poorly supported. It sounds relentless.

Do you get any respite funding?

Do you have the support of any charity?

YANBU. Holidays completely suck. It’s appalling that there’s no holiday provision of any sort in your area. I’m sure I’m teaching you to suck eggs but did you check your LA’s local offer page for Short Breaks providers?
For those who say it’s unreasonable to expect special schools to stay open, actually in our area several of them run holiday clubs for their students because they realise the children need the familiar environment and the parents need the respite.

Would you be willing to say whereabouts you are OP? Maybe a MNer knows of some local support you might not have heard of.

I think it depends from council to council what you might be entitled to. In Norfolk for example you can qualify for short breaks funding which gives you a budget every year which you can use to personally fund any type of respite care - so you can hire a PA to take your child out for the day, or for overnight care. You can even use it towards a short break with a foster family if you so wish - I have a friend that does this. My son attends complex needs school and his school offers 2-3 weeks of day time holiday activities. Please approach your council and see what they can offer.

I've got two who are high functioning additional needs in mainstream school but rely heavily on the routine and structure. One is a screamer, the other needs total supervision all the time. Neither sleep and have sensory needs. The holidays are hell. I'm a stay at home mum too with no help and I feel exactly the same as you. It's hard when everyone around you is whooping for the holidays and all I feel is dread.
Sorry I'm no help but just wanted you to know you're not alone

It’s awful, I’ve seen loads of adverts for playschemes for nt kids which are around 20 to £30 but Sen schemes are around £150 and are only usually 9 to 3 so don’t cover the day. Then you get loads of things that claim to be inclusive but don’t actually have a clue in practise

@Bagelsandbrie

I think it depends from council to council what you might be entitled to. In Norfolk for example you can qualify for short breaks funding which gives you a budget every year which you can use to personally fund any type of respite care - so you can hire a PA to take your child out for the day, or for overnight care. You can even use it towards a short break with a foster family if you so wish - I have a friend that does this. My son attends complex needs school and his school offers 2-3 weeks of day time holiday activities. Please approach your council and see what they can offer.

I got turned down today after applying in March I’m so upset and don’t know how we’ll make it through the summer.

I completely agree with you. My son is an adult and in a residential school. I’m dreading the summer holidays. It’s hell on earth.