To miss being young…a lot

[Lippykids]

Thinking about it a lot recently, for some reason..midlife crisis? 🤷🏻‍♀️
I’m 43, with a toddler Dd I adore (years of fertility treatments etc resulted in miracle pregnancy and birth at 40)
I had years to have adventures and build my career, I lived a lot (aside from I wish I’d slept with more men/had more relationships) my life hasn’t been dull..I live abroad and life is..’Nice’ I have a nice car, nice house, take my Dd to the supermarket, on play dates..it’s all great, so why do I miss my youth so much? That wild, crazy time, that amazing skin and flat stomach. The feeling anything was possible, the road trips, nights out and just..fun.
Is this it now?
Anyone else feel like this?

You will never again be as young as you are today so don’t waste another second looking back.

You are still young now!!

Youth is wasted on the young.

I am nearly forty...I really miss being in my twenties. I was so pretty and thin and didn't even realise it!

I felt like this during 5 years of ivf. It finally worked but ended in a miscarriage. So DH and I rented our house out and moved into a campervan. Now we're touring around Europe for a year. I'm currently eating a strawberry tart under a tree in rural France youtube.com/c/RunningOffGrid

Loads of traveling families with kids. Just shows its doable. We may well take our child with us on another adventure if ivf works in the future.
I guess I just think never say never. My life was going from one fertility trauma to another and I never dreamt I'd end up doing this.
But then hopefully in 5 years time I'll be dreaming of this time while looking after my child... It feels like it all equals out in the end.

@Comedycook

Youth is wasted on the young.

I am nearly forty...I really miss being in my twenties. I was so pretty and thin and didn't even realise it!

When you're turning 60 you'll look at how fresh faced and energetic you are now and regret not enjoying it, if you don't embrace your life as it is now.

Yeah I feel like this too and I'm "only" 32, but also with a toddler. I was just thinking yesterday that my 20s went by so fast, but at the time it felt like they'd last forever. I think it's having children that does it. When I was child free I never planned much further than the next few months and just pleased myself, did things spontaneously, bought whatever I fancied. Now I plan everything to the nth degree - household budget, long-term budget, savings, what to take when leaving the house (usually huge bag of snacks, nappies, water bottles, sippy cups, toys), social calendar (mainly play dates/toddler groups/days out to zoo or pool). I feel so much pressure to "provide" and earn more so that we can get a bigger house in a good school area, bigger car, activities for DD etc. Whereas when I was younger I was happy to live in a flat in a crappy area and spend my money on clothes and nights out. I do miss that but then again I wouldn't actually like to go back to it, if that makes sense?

I miss the flat stomach for sure.

Apart from that? God no. I am very much glass half full about these things. Now I'm older I'm confident, don't give a shit about what other people think/do so get on and live how I want to.

I'm not a "wild/crazy" kind of person, never really was one for spontaneity etc so nothing to miss there.

I love love love life with my kids so much more than the childfree existence I had before. Horses for courses!

In my forties, had my children young, ended up a single parent with no prospect of buying a house, and can't afford to learn to drive. I do wish that I had given myself more time to build a career and financial security, though I do love the freedom of having late teens/ young adults rather than small children.

I do think one element of it is money though.

When you are in your twenties/childfree all of the money you earn is a) for you and only you and b) generally not ear marked for the mortgage or replacing the boiler, even on a low ish income you tend to have more "fun money".

When you have kids you have to dedicated a bigger amount to having a decent roof over their head, feeding & clothing them etc.

I think it's easier to not miss the childfree 20s if you have a relatively high income and still get enough "fun money" from the family budget.

I like the confidence I have gained through age and the fact I really don't care about other people's opinions so much now. It would be lovely to combine the fun of my youth with my current self confidence.

I enjoyed my teens and twenties a lot. Having young children was hard work but I look back on it with nostalgia.

I now have a very moody teen (SEN makes the situation more complicated and stressful). I'm pretty sure this is my least favourite stage of life so far.

I'm mid fifties and had daughter at 40 like you.

I'm sure also that pandemic hasn't helped.

I don't regret that I didn't do enough when I was younger.

What is still hard, as you have described OP is that feeling for always needing to be there for someone whether they are physically presetn or not.

But even that has a flip side. Meaning it is nice to know that someone values me that much.

This thread is everything I have been feeling! I had quite a wild youth then had a baby at almost 41 (after several miscarriages) quickly followed by a cancer diagnosis and of course the pandemic. I emerged feeling like I had suddenly become middle aged. I would be thrilled if this was just a phase and I might get my mojo back!

It's a weird thing isn't it. I look at my teen DS and part of me envies all he has ahead - all the excitement of new experiences, the choices, the travel, the friendships, relationships and so on. Then another part of me thinks Thank goodness I don't have to go through all that again - all that uncertainty, scary decisions, painful relationship endings, and all those nights out - I'd hate that now!!
But yes, I sometimes catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and miss the younger prettier slimmer me.

I remember when my children were growing up a bit, I sobbed to a counsellor that I felt the best bit of my life was over as I loved being young and being a mum to little ones. (She said 'Oh how sad' which really really didn't fucking help.)

Since that day, some of the best things that have ever happened to me have happened to me. I can't believe all the joy that I've experienced since then.

It's given me faith anytime I feel the same way.

I’m late 30s but married at 20 and have felt like this for YEARS. Why did I marry so young?! To a man ten years older. He’d had his freedom. Me - not so much.
Now I’m poor as well because of having some time out with the dc so essentially I’m doomed to forever be poor and depressed.
My mother told me yesterday that she was super fed up and wishes we’d all caught covid and died. This is somewhat over the top but I hear the sentiment.
It’s one long slow slide to the inevitable conclusion and precious little joy along the way.

If it helps, I'm young (26) and my stomach is not flat and my 20s are neither wild nor free nor crazy because of Covid 😂 It's shit being young right now. All we do is hang out in the house or the park and nobody has any money because half my mates are on furlough and the other half being made redundant.

There is nothing, nothing like the freedom of being 20. You just have absolutely no idea at the time, or just how much life changes. It is the most incredible age and I would relive it in a heart beat. I remember it like it was yesterday and cannot believe it was so long ago.

There is also nothing like the stress and worry of having children and I think that plays a huge part of feeling 'old' even when you're not.

I’m the sane age as you but my eldest is 19, youngest 8. I only miss the physical side, clear skin, youthful glow, slim body etc. I do wish I’d travelled at some point.

And my body was incredible. It's lumpy and stretchy now. What the fuck is that about.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I do think one element of it is money though.

When you are in your twenties/childfree all of the money you earn is a) for you and only you and b) generally not ear marked for the mortgage or replacing the boiler, even on a low ish income you tend to have more "fun money".

When you have kids you have to dedicated a bigger amount to having a decent roof over their head, feeding & clothing them etc.

I think it's easier to not miss the childfree 20s if you have a relatively high income and still get enough "fun money" from the family budget.

See I had no money in my twenties. Worked low wage, ate crap food, always behind on bills.

I have loads of money now. Very comfortable. But I spent my time in college bars drinking cheap beer and not really caring

@Babdoc

Take heart, OP. Surveys show that middle age is the most depressed part of life. Once you get out the other side of it, life improves again. That middle section is when you have maximum responsibility and minimum fun - dealing with children, elderly parents, career, mortgage, etc. I retired four years ago, and (apart from Covid) have been having a ball. As have my retired friends. We are entirely free to do what the hell we like, and unlike our teenage years, have the money to pursue our dreams! Our DC have grown up and are our great friends, not dependents. Our parents are dead. Our mortgages are paid off. The world will be your oyster again. Just hang on in there.

I like the sound of this.

I'm 29 and I already feel this way. I lived in 2 different countries from early 20s to 27 and came back to the UK shortly before pandemic.

All of a sudden people are settling down and Im single again. I just bought my first home & while I now have the security I craved, I also feel a bit trapped. Secure job, secure career & silent pressure to reproduce in the near future or forget about it.

I think the age in my head is 24. I'd happily back do it all again.

I feel like this too, although my kids are much bigger. I try to take it as a reminder to make the most of life now, as I know for sure if I'm still alive in 20 years I'll look back on me now just as I now look back on myself at 24.

I'm obviously unusual, I guess I just don't feel like having my kids restricts my freedom. I was never very wild anyway

@billy1966

There is nothing quite as fun as roughing it inter railing across Europe and Asia with only a backpack

There really isn't. Which is why I'm going to do exactly that when kids are bigger and I can. Yeah the kids in the hostels will think I'm a weird old crusty, but there were s few weird old crusties in the hostels when I did my "gap yaaaaah" and I didn't bother them and they didn't bother me 😁

OP do you miss your youth or your child free self?