To miss being young…a lot

[Lippykids]

Thinking about it a lot recently, for some reason..midlife crisis? 🤷🏻‍♀️
I’m 43, with a toddler Dd I adore (years of fertility treatments etc resulted in miracle pregnancy and birth at 40)
I had years to have adventures and build my career, I lived a lot (aside from I wish I’d slept with more men/had more relationships) my life hasn’t been dull..I live abroad and life is..’Nice’ I have a nice car, nice house, take my Dd to the supermarket, on play dates..it’s all great, so why do I miss my youth so much? That wild, crazy time, that amazing skin and flat stomach. The feeling anything was possible, the road trips, nights out and just..fun.
Is this it now?
Anyone else feel like this?

I also remind myself how shy, awkward snd people-pleasey I was in my 20s. I’m 100000% more confident now.

@Draineddraineddrained

Chin up OP, life is long and full of glorious possibility, even at 43 with a toddler 😁

Having reread this, I am hearing the voice of Tom Hiddleston declaring "I am Loki of Asgard, and I am burdened with glorious purpose!" Perhaps all we middle aged women should declare this dramatically as we leap out of bed with a toddler wrapped round our heads every morning, to set the right tone for the day 😂

That would probably stop DS yapping in my ear about dinosaurs for two seconds, I'm willing to give it a go!

Take heart, OP. Surveys show that middle age is the most depressed part of life. Once you get out the other side of it, life improves again.
That middle section is when you have maximum responsibility and minimum fun - dealing with children, elderly parents, career, mortgage, etc.
I retired four years ago, and (apart from Covid) have been having a ball. As have my retired friends. We are entirely free to do what the hell we like, and unlike our teenage years, have the money to pursue our dreams! Our DC have grown up and are our great friends, not dependents. Our parents are dead. Our mortgages are paid off.
The world will be your oyster again. Just hang on in there.

@Loyaultemelie

I often wish I had followed the dreams/plans I had in my late teens early 20s. I would be in a different part of the world and probably closer to living as the true "me" but events/life got in the way. I love my Dcs and DH but I would also love some freedom, not so much away from them but away from everything

Oh god I hear this!!

I’m 42 and I regret so many things I should have done. I’d like to have a go again and feel homesick for my youth.

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal

I'm the same age and I get you completely. There seems so little to look forward to, just a slow march to the grave, interspersed with the hell of the DC's adolescence (mine are older and puberty is fast approaching); declining health (both my own and more likely DH's, as he's overweight, unfit and stressed), and increased care requirements of parents.

I want my youth back. I want more adventures.

Jesus thats a depressing outlook on life! I am the same age as well and I don't feel remotely like this. There are so many more adventures to be had, but they don't just fall into your lap. IF you want to plan for a slow depressing march to your grave with nothing but trouble and woe, you have at it, but I'll be having a fuck ton of fun and new experiences and travel.

I don't want to feel like this, FFS. The reality is I'm needed, by an awful lot of people. There's no time or space for me to have adventures. And by the time the DC have stopped depending on me, the parents will. And then DH will.

I want to be young again but only if it could be beach in the early 70s. First Love, moving to London, all those beautiful long haired boys 😊😊.

I’d swap five years of that for the rest of my life slowly sinking into old age 🤷🏻‍♀️

Beach = back

Honestly I was starting to feel like this, then a uni friend dropped dead unexpectedly at 38 leaving behind a spouse and young children. Now I think, ok I'm 40 and a bit fat but I'm not dead. Try to think young. My granny still sees new places and travels (albeit slowly with assistance now) at 88. There are always new books to read, new places to discover, new foods to try.

I feel like this OP and I’m early thirties! I just had such a good time in my mid-twenties I feel like I’m always yearning for that period in my life again. I tried to hang out with some of my colleagues in their 20s recently and it made me feel so old! We had little in common and I got tired around 10pm whereas I would previously been out partying with them until 1am!

A couple of things help me: my grandma is mid-80s and until the pandemic she was very young at heart and still having lots of fun and adventures. Children - once they’re a bit older you get your life back!

@MyFloorIsLava that certainly brings some perspective!

I think it’s common to yearn for times past when we could just say fuck it and go off and do what we wanted I miss those times. I love life now but enjoyed my free life and my misdemeanours. Would like to have travelled more and worked a bit harder but such is life I can pass that advice to my kids.

I’d like to go back to age 21 and start again I have a bit more insight now

For me it was when the kids were very little that I felt sad that my youth had gone. But now they are a bit older, I can do so much more; in fact, I was out both nights this last weekend and although dancing still isn't allowed, still had a cracking time. Like pp, dh and I are planning things for when they are even older and can be left alone or have moved out.

I miss my health which I lost just before I was 50.

I think when you have toddlers and young dc, covid aside it’s the spontaneity that’s missed. I remember when young chucking stuff in a rucksack and deciding to go to Notting Hill carnival last minute as I had managed to book a day off work. Taking DH to Dublin for his 30th as a surprise. Booking a last minute holiday in the sun, it was really cheap because you had no idea which hotel you were given till you got there, no way would I do that with a child.

The one thing we should ALL watch out for is trying to have a do-over via our kids. I can totally see me doing that and have to not, because my girls are their own people and may make their own mistakes, or even worse make the same mistakes as me!! But that's their right and their journey. I will be open with them about the downsides of my choices, I'll make sure they have lots of exposure to multiple opportunies, but I won't try to correct my errors via them or funnell them off down one of my roads not taken. It will be hard to stand back but I couldn't bear for them to (a) get the impression that I feel like I'm a failed effort that they have to make up for, (b) that I "gave it all up for them", or (c) that they had to pursue a life that didn't suit them to please me/get my approval.

I will remind myself of this frequently I imagine, especially around GCSE/A level options choosing time!

I'm relieved to read people saying it's the toddler, because I feel this too. I'm 39 with a two year old, and god I miss being young. I miss the feeling of the 90s! I don't actually want to go out drinking and snogging unsuitable men, but I miss that feeling of freedom. I'm literally never on my own at the moment - DP and I both WFH because of Covid, toddler is at nursery four days then Fridays and weekends are spent parenting him and doing toddler-friendly outdoor activities. I'm either in my house or in a park, all the fucking time. I suspect it will get better when I feel safer to go to things like museums and cafes, but it doesn't feel like that will be until next year now.

All my friends have young kids too, so opportunities to go out on our own are rare. I do try to get some time on my own at the weekend, but a couple of hours really isn't the same as knowing you have a whole day to yourself.

I'm the same age, but my children are 10yrs older than yours. I felt the same when they were little. I loved them but felt my wings had been clipped. Nothing was fun or spontaneous and everything need to take account of them. It still does, but the 'end' is in sight. I'm now looking at what I need to put in place for me once the focus of them goes. They'll be off to uni/work/apprenticeship before I know it.

I miss my younger body and looks but I LOVE not caring what others think. 40s are great for that

OP I Just wanted to pop by and say.... Are you me??? Although I don't have a career unfortunately but that's another story,

Sometimes I feel like I miss being young but increasingly I realise I have more than half my life ahead of me. I'm focussing on getting fit & strong & healthy so I can enjoy it as much as possible

And dream you just made me cry! I have book marked your comment to read when feeling low. I agree with all of it (and am still a festival goer even in my early forties with a 4yr old - when CV buggers back off!)

Drained you are right about ensuring that the kids feel like they are living their own lives and making their own mistakes. Need to realign things there for sure

I think with covid and we currently have financial probs that aren’t going to be solved quickly it just feels like life is pretty fucking joyless at the moment.
I am overweight - verging on obese and on a pretty restricted diet to correct it (it is working)
I know this is positive and I am pleased that I am in theory moving things in a good direction but just feel like everything is a drudge

I think about being younger (mostly fondly) a fair bit, but I don't miss it. I enjoyed it at the time, but in reality life could still be pretty stressful, I certainly had less money, less knowledge, less competence and a lot less confidence.

Focus on you now, you are in your prime of life. Lose weight, get fit, change jobs, change partners or become single if that's what it takes - get rid of anything that doesn't serve you. Live for today, not in the past or worrying about the future. I have recently got down to normal BMI at 45 and while I didn't feel particularly unhealthy before, I had got used to feeling a certain way and everything is easier now. Feel like I've reset myself to how I felt nearly 12 years or more ago.

Also look at yourself now - what are you really good at? I'm good at my job and a really good driver now, whereas I was nervous when I was younger. I'm a good parent or at least better than I was when DDs were younger, I have learned so much. I'm also pretty good at yoga now- doing something you can learn and improve at is great for self-esteem. I'm a good cook, and much more confident and experienced than when I was younger.

The other evening husband and I were in bed with the window up, top of the house, t and could hear the conversation of our oldest and his friends that are early 20's chatting about their summer plans, and all they are looking forward to.

I felt such a brief intense longing to be back at that age.

The fun, the opportunity, the selfishness, the shallowness, the singularity of purpose AKA to have the best life experiences via education, work and travel.

I did.
So did my husband.
Loads of fantastic travel, expatriate lifestyle, great work opportunities, wonderful friends we made, the lot.

Infact our children are in awe of how much we got to experience.

Fleetingly I felt a longing but it passed quickly.
I generally don't feel like that as we got to do so much but perhaps the past year has had an effect.

Life got very small very quickly when we had children after so many years of such freedom to indulge ourselves.

But I never regretted our decisions really.

I hope my children's generation get to enjoy travel too, it is so different to travelling as you are older.

There is nothing quite as fun as roughing it inter railing across Europe and Asia with only a backpack.

I had a pretty happy time growing up but I do remember feeling insecure and a few friendship issues so no I wouldn't want to go back to that.

I'm 44 and my kids are teenagers so I'm excited about the future and what it has in store both for me and my kids.

Yes I feel the same way as you and my kids are older and I am younger.

The biggest one for me is how I look. I’m fat and ugly, and while this shouldn’t bother me, it really really does. I want to feel attractive in my own skin. I should also say I’m married and my husband does find me attractive - but I’m really not. I’ve turned into the sort of person that at 16 I would have looked at and said ‘I really don’t want to turn into her’.

Make up makes me feel worse at the moment as well as my skin is so textured it just never looks good. I don’t know what to do anymore!