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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Colleague keeps saying I'm posh

65 replies

Drumstick38 · 21/06/2021 10:45

She's early 20s and I'm 30, have only worked together for around a month.

I live in the North and my job is in a town that has quite a distinct accent, most of my colleagues live in the town and have that accent but I don't and live further away.
I haven't got a strong northern accent but it isn't 'posh' either.

Anyway once at work I said something, a slang sort of word and she went "Oh I thought you'd be too posh to say stuff like that."

Another time we had a crazy situation and I let out an "oh shit."
She said "I never thought I'd hear you swear, I thought you were too posh for that."

I've just laughed it off but it's strange she says that, though it doesn't matter at all what she thinks.

Sometimes I've thought she likes me and other times, no. It's a late shift which not everybody wants to do and maybe she just couldn't be bothered that day. But one night she seemed fine then I heard her saying to our colleague, "are you sure you don't want to do my shift for me? I'll do yours tomorrow instead?" It was just me and her on that night.

Then she was quite frosty, only speaking to me if I spoke to her first and giving one word answers. I asked her how her shift had been with a different colleague the day before and she said "It was fantastic."

But then other times she's friendly and chatty so I'm not really sure.

OP posts:

Original poster

Drumstick38 · 21/06/2021 10:47

I don't speak in RP either, it's just a very generic accent, have had someone think I was from North Wales though.

OP posts:

FuckyouCovid21 · 21/06/2021 10:47

She sounds like a bit of a gobshite and pretty immature. Just ignore her

Original poster

Drumstick38 · 21/06/2021 10:48

I guess she's around 8 or 9 years younger, 21 I think. Hope that doesn't sound patronising because not everybody at 21 is immature at all but I will just try to ignore her, thanks.

OP posts:

WimpoleHat · 21/06/2021 10:49

She sounds immature and insecure - probably a bit in awe of you. I wouldn’t worry about her; other people have probably reached the same conclusion.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 21/06/2021 10:51

She sounds both immature and insecure. I'd keep her at arm's length - polite and neutrally-friendly but no more - and let her get on with it.

sallievp · 21/06/2021 10:51

I had a colleague saying i was posh all the time in an unkind way...at first I just ignored it but one day I had enough...she again said I was too posh to do something so I looked her up and down and said back ..well I suppose I am posh compared to you!!! Mean maybe but very satisfying! 😀

Original poster

Drumstick38 · 21/06/2021 10:53

Yeah maybe she's insecure which is a shame, she's no reason to be. Probably just as I'm not from round there and she maybe thinks my accent is 'posher' in comparison to hers.

OP posts:

Original poster

Drumstick38 · 21/06/2021 10:54

@sallievp I can't blame you really for saying it !
My partner gets told this too sometimes as he doesn't have the local accent either.

OP posts:

TurtleBay28 · 21/06/2021 10:57

are you sure you don't want to do my shift for me? I'll do yours tomorrow instead?" It was just me and her on that night.

I think she was just trying to get out of a late shift and not personally trying to avoid you.

Original poster

Drumstick38 · 21/06/2021 11:00

Yeah hopefully it was just that, it's just that I heard her whispering after and then she was really frosty for the first hour or so.

OP posts:

WeAllHaveWings · 21/06/2021 11:08

Don't take it personally, she just sounds very immature. Why does being told you are "posh" seem to sting so much, or at least enough to start a thread about it? I would just laugh it off.

If you feel she is saying it as a criticism turn it around and make it into a joke - tell her if she thinks you are posh she must have very low standards.

ShowOfHands · 21/06/2021 11:15

People call me posh a lot. Mostly it's to do with not having an accent. My family have broad Northern accents but I don't and they are incredibly rude to me. Lots of "ooh Showy and her airs and graces, too posh for us". I did speak to a newish friend recently who I met at the school gates and she admitted she thought I was very posh before she got to know me and was scared to speak to me but she's realised I'm not posh, I'm clever apparently. She says it's the way I speak and the words I use.

I'm entirely working class!

Labradooodle · 21/06/2021 11:17

She's onsecure about something and projecting it on to you!

Original poster

Drumstick38 · 21/06/2021 11:21

Yeah it's maybe not meant as an insult. We have probably had different lives, I think she had a child at 17, hasn't been to uni or travelled etc. And says she never gets any time to herself, but it's just differences it doesn't mean one is superior to the other.
I'll try to just not overthink it anyway

OP posts:

RealisticSketch · 21/06/2021 11:30

Sorry to hear the chip in her shoulder is causing you friction at work. Make sure you don't humour it, stand up for yourself in a professionally way, but meanwhile park her in a mental box labelled "never going to be friends, work colleague only" and just let it slide off you (without tolerating rudeness, you don't want to be the work doormat) maintaining polite nothingness.

IntermittentParps · 21/06/2021 11:43

I hate this inverse snobbery thing. I get it sometimes too. I grew up common as muck but, while I do have a bit of the accent from my region, it's not the strongest possible one.

Imagine if someone said 'Oh I thought you'd be too common to say stuff like that.'?

Response: 'That's a very personal comment.'

Frauhubert · 21/06/2021 11:47

In my old work all my colleagues were calling me posh, expensive, queen, high maintenance, luxurious (😹), queen of life, high life etc etc. All because i had a rich boyfriend at a time and was going away on expensive holidays and had some designer stuff. I was laughing with them about it, and they didn’t mean it in a mean way. I was the work ‘princess’, despite not being posh, rich, high maintenance at all. So it depends how you want to look at it- if you take it as a compliment instead of a dig you’ll feel less annoyed about it and it’ll stop irritating you

Branleuse · 21/06/2021 11:48

Could you tell her to stop calling you posh just because you have a different accent as its beginning to do your head in as you are neither posh, nor rough

Frauhubert · 21/06/2021 11:50

When we were going for drinks everybody was poking fun, not to let me order as i would for sure order Montrachet as table wine and make everybody else pay for it. I just laughed

FinallyHere · 21/06/2021 11:52

It comes from a place of insecurity.

Can you think of anything about her work to really, sincerely, praise? It might help her to settle down in her new role.

Crimeismymiddlename · 21/06/2021 11:57

I have had this with colleagues in the past. I too just speak normally, but have more of a middle class background than a lot of people in my industry. They have all been the insecure types who like to ‘label’ the people they work with. It just makes them look thick, just ignore her or just do a weak smile and an ‘oh right’ then move on.

thepeopleversuswork · 21/06/2021 12:00

It just makes them look thick, just ignore her or just do a weak smile and an ‘oh right’ then move on.

This. Rise above it and be grateful you aren't small-minded and petty.

bananamonkey · 21/06/2021 12:14

I used to have this at school, how pathetic she’s doing it at work! I went to a grotty comprehensive and was probably one of the least posh ones there but I don’t have much of an accent, even compared to the rest of my family, so I guess that’s where it comes from. I don’t sound “posh” in the slightest. I used to get upset as they wouldn’t listen to my protestations but these days I’d just eye roll them.

2bazookas · 21/06/2021 12:16

I think you're over- invested in her opinions of you and should learn to let water run off your duck's back.

If you can't just ignore it, just bounce her social comments back at her.

Her "You' re posh"
You " You are badly brought up/have bad manners".

NoContact12 · 21/06/2021 12:17

She sounds like a total idiot. Ignore.

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