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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Colleague keeps saying I'm posh

65 replies

Drumstick38 · 21/06/2021 10:45

She's early 20s and I'm 30, have only worked together for around a month.

I live in the North and my job is in a town that has quite a distinct accent, most of my colleagues live in the town and have that accent but I don't and live further away.
I haven't got a strong northern accent but it isn't 'posh' either.

Anyway once at work I said something, a slang sort of word and she went "Oh I thought you'd be too posh to say stuff like that."

Another time we had a crazy situation and I let out an "oh shit."
She said "I never thought I'd hear you swear, I thought you were too posh for that."

I've just laughed it off but it's strange she says that, though it doesn't matter at all what she thinks.

Sometimes I've thought she likes me and other times, no. It's a late shift which not everybody wants to do and maybe she just couldn't be bothered that day. But one night she seemed fine then I heard her saying to our colleague, "are you sure you don't want to do my shift for me? I'll do yours tomorrow instead?" It was just me and her on that night.

Then she was quite frosty, only speaking to me if I spoke to her first and giving one word answers. I asked her how her shift had been with a different colleague the day before and she said "It was fantastic."

But then other times she's friendly and chatty so I'm not really sure.

OP posts:

Novelusername · 21/06/2021 12:35

I've had this before, working class and Northern but don't have a strong accent. Some people are just easily intimidated, the same kind of people who tell you off for using 'big words'. I think they feel inferior and so want to 'other' you, getting the boot in before you do 'she thinks she's too good for us, she's a right snotty cow', etc afraid that you're looking down on them. What these people need to realise is you're not looking down, up or at them AT ALL. Not sure how to handle it though, maybe just laugh it off 'you thought I was posh? Hahahaha!'

VickyEadieofThigh · 21/06/2021 12:36

I don't think she understands what 'posh' means if she's under the illusion that 'posh' people don't swear!

NotTheCatsWhiskers · 21/06/2021 12:57

Throw it back

‘Why would you think that’ keep doing it ‘why’ ‘why’. The more she has to try and explain herself the more she might realise she’s being a twat.

Novelusername · 21/06/2021 13:32

It's a weird phenomenon, though. I had another colleague, when he found out what part of town I grew up in, keep calling me posh after that, even though I'd told him I definitely wasn't. I grew up in an area that had a lot of factory workers in my day, but has since become more gentrified. It's aggravating, actually, as I was poorer than most of the kids I was at school with, really struggled. Perhaps that's why they do it, just to get a rise out of you, it's particularly irritating to be told you're privileged when your life has been difficult. I agree with asking her 'Why' all the time too, and why she thinks 'posh' people don't swear.

Nonmaquillee · 21/06/2021 13:33

She sounds really insecure.

Embrace your poshness and do it even more just to piss her off.

SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge · 21/06/2021 13:36

Basically nothing much happened and you have the hump. Six of one half dozen of the other.

Devonsunset · 21/06/2021 14:19

I have a co-worker who does this too.

Its so weird! I'm tidy but not what you would consider groomed & - live a steady frugal existence. We have the same accent, background and even went to the same school.

She is a very glamorous blonde with a high flying exec boyfriend who spends money on her, destination holidays and glam clothes - and actually lives in what I would call a mansion. (all stuff i would consider actually posh)

I just know its meant as an insult in some way, as that's her MO, but I just don't get it. I'm in no way posh, never pretended to be posh but on the flip side I'm not low rent either so it doesn't work as a insult by implying the reverse.

It's just such an odd thing to say and maybe that's the point of the whole thing - it is so weird that you overthink it and they get a thrill for knowing they rattled your cage?

FuckyouCovid21 · 21/06/2021 14:25

@Drumstick38

Yeah it's maybe not meant as an insult. We have probably had different lives, I think she had a child at 17, hasn't been to uni or travelled etc. And says she never gets any time to herself, but it's just differences it doesn't mean one is superior to the other. I'll try to just not overthink it anyway

I was on your side until this comment, you now sound a bit judgey and looking down your nose at her

HerBigChance · 21/06/2021 14:39

@Novelusername

This. In spades. She's trying to put you in your place, even if her method suggests otherwise.

As PPs have said, ignore the comments, be neutrally polite and just mentally box her off.

Seesawmummadaw · 21/06/2021 14:56

Maybe she’s just not that into you.

Cowbells · 21/06/2021 15:00

Replies to 'I thought you'd be too posh to...' which aren't rude or dismissive but don't put up with her nonsense:

'You thought wrong then.'
'Did you? How weird.'
'I know. You've told me before.'

ForkedIt · 21/06/2021 15:06

Meh, I’ve been called posh in every job I’ve had. I’m not, I just have a ‘posh’ accent - whatever that is. I can’t even describe it, it’s just my normal speaking voice but I’ve moved around a lot so I don’t have any sort of regional accent and my mum was hot on things like ‘dropping my t’s’ as a child.

I’m used to it now, but it was rich coming from one of my bosses who grew up with a nanny, went to private school and drove a Range Rover. I was driving a battered micra at the time, went to many different state schools and was passed around family members for childcare whilst my single mum worked. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Original poster

Drumstick38 · 21/06/2021 15:07

Im not looking down my nose at her at all, I said we have had different experiences so far, which she has commented on, and maybe she thinks I'm 'posh' as I went to uni etc. Even though that isn't posh at all.

OP posts:

newnortherner111 · 21/06/2021 15:09

One does not agree at one's immature colleague and her views. Nor should you.

OverByYer · 21/06/2021 15:09

I used to have this at school and sometimes even now at work.
When anyone says that I’m posh I just agree with them and say yes I am

I’m not really but went to a crappy comp and was from the nice side of town. It wasn’t until I went away to uni that I met properly posh people

Original poster

Drumstick38 · 21/06/2021 15:15

That was in reply to a PP btw.
Thanks for the replies though I'll just try to not take her too seriously and maybe challenge her on it.
I may be wrong but I can't imagine her saying that to somebody much older or in a senior position to her.

OP posts:

Melitza · 21/06/2021 15:20

I used to get called posh at work.
I assumed it was my lack of Northern accent.
I've since retired and made some new friends who also think I'm posh.
My dd gets the same.
We are not posh.
I don't think it's just accent, it's also saying thank you so much or 'that's so kind, thank you.'
A bit more flowery than just thanks.
Both my dc can charm the birds from the trees with their good manners.

notanothertakeaway · 21/06/2021 15:23

"Are you sure you don't want to do my shift for me? I'll do yours tomorrow instead?"

Well, it COULD be that she hates you and didn't want to work with you. Or, it could be that she had been invited to a friend's house, wanted to go, and hoped the colleague would be willing to swap

It's easy to take these comments personally, but I try to think "What would a person with confidence and self esteem think about that comment?" That can give a helpful sense of perspective

maddening · 21/06/2021 15:30

I would advise her that snobbery, whether reverse or otherwise was not a pleasant trait.

FinallyHere · 21/06/2021 15:36

Im not looking down my nose at her at all

The thing to remember is that it says a lot more about her than about you.

Who cares about which side of the ship your cabin is on, in these days of air conditioning

There was a time when it was important to secure a cabin on the right side, Port Out Starboard Home

Seesawmummadaw · 21/06/2021 15:45

@FinallyHere

Im not looking down my nose at her at all

The thing to remember is that it says a lot more about her than about you.

Who cares about which side of the ship your cabin is on, in these days of air conditioning

There was a time when it was important to secure a cabin on the right side, Port Out Starboard Home

I like that @FinallyHere

quizqueen · 21/06/2021 16:17

I think her attitude and comments should be reported to your supervisor, as they are unacceptable, and it needs to be mentioned to her so she can learn to adapt her behaviour, otherwise she will be rubbing other staff up the wrong way.

Marndomer · 21/06/2021 16:23

@Drumstick38 Don't concern yourself with whether she likes you or not - that's not relevant. She is making comments about your accent and it's rude - just as rude as if you told her she.sounds common.

I work for a university and we have a "Dignity and Respect" policy which has provision for this sort of thing. It encourages staff to send a polite, constructive "Please stop" email to nip unwanted behaviours in the bud and prevent them from escalating into anything more serious. Personally I'd be more inclined to just say something verbally at first - such as "please don't say that - I don't like it because ...". I've done that to someone who kept making remarks about me being part time, and it did the trick.

FinallyFluid · 21/06/2021 16:37

I had this at work, from the accountant no less, but not so much the posh bit as I am from another country and she couldn't quantify that, so every so often she would throw into the conversation well no you wouldn't be broke on what Mr Fluid earns. I having said nothing to bring that comment on me.

She was correct he was/is earning a ton of money by her standards, but I never ever alluded to it, I buy all my clothes from Matalan and my handbags from the looky looky on the beach on holidays, she just presumed that a job in the city made us millionaires.

I always ignored her, just once I came very close to cracking and giving her our monthly retirement income and how much we had in a savings pot, but very quicky realised that it would just give her actual fuel for her fire as opposed to what she thought she knew.

It is all based on other peoples insecurities.

Lesartisansetlessansculottes · 21/06/2021 16:38

Say "I'm not posh just polite" and if she says anything back say, "well I don't comment on the way people speak".

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