To not put DC in nursery just because DH wants to

[IncyWincyFuckingTiredMum]

I'll try to keep it as brief as possible.

On maternity leave at the moment with 4 month old DS.

DH is self employed. I have always worked part time in my own job but have on top of this always done the admin for DHs business. I have continued to do this whilst on maternity, even days after birth I was back to doing what I was before for the business as best I could.

Obviously with a baby it's now impossible to work to a set schedule all of the time and I am trying to do what I can when I can around him. DH is having to take on a little more than he did before of this side of things but it's not a huge amount, I am getting through it just albeit a little slower.

DH keeps saying we should put DS in nursery now whilst I'm on maternity for a couple of days a week so I can focus on the business work those days and things will be more organised.

I really don't want to do this. DS is so little and I don't feel comfortable with it. Also selfishly I feel like this is my maternity leave, the only one I'll ever have because he doesn't want more children and so I don't want to give up precious time.

AIBU to say that we'll need to stick to the original plan which is DS going to nursery nearer the end of this year? This is what we agreed when I was pregnant and he's already signed up for then.

Sorry that should have said I have always worked FULL time not part time.

Stick to your guns.

My dh got like this. I absolutely lost it in the end about how I had just had a baby, I wanted to spend time with the baby and that I was not putting him in nursery so young and that if he pushed it more, things would get ugly! He didn't ask again and also stepped up with extra help!

Does DH need to employ a temp to cover your maternity leave?

I agree with him, the work needs doing in an efficient and professional manner, it doesn't necessarily need to be done by you. How would you feel if he employed someone else?

Maternity leave is for your baby, not to make your husbands day more organised. You said yourself you will never have this time back again

4 months is very young. Is there a local nursery that takes babies that age? I know my nursery will only take babies from 6 months.

Nursery would be extremely distressing for a 4 month old baby. He is being absolutely ridiculous and I would stop doing the admin entirely and tell him he can do it himself or employ someone

Agree with @AutoGroup - use the money that would be spent on nursery to have a temp person to cover the work!

Dh needs to employ a temp. You are on mat leave and the solution is not he decides to get rid of the baby (I work full time, no judgement about childcare and working mums from me). I would be done doing anything for the business (until he apologised anyway) one of you has to be a parent, and one of you is on mat leave. Bit worried you are starting on a long path of fighting with your dh to be able to prioritise your dc….

Nope, you're on maternity leave. Obviously these things are a joint decision but I do feel the woman (who does the pregnancy and childbirth!) gets more say here.

DH needed to have had you on the books as a part time employee and paid you maternity leave for this time off.

YANBU.

Agreed, DH should have hired someone to cover your admin role in his business while you’re on mat leave. Even if you only do that role 5, 10 hours a week, he should still have hired cover for this.

In fact, since you work full-time in your own job, I think he should have hired someone else to do his admin anyway. None of this is fair on you. Or he can take on the extra hours and do his own bloody admin (why are you expected to do it on top of your full-time job..?)

4 months?! Wtf. No.

I thought this was going to be about an older DC, not a tiny baby! Agree he can pay someone else to do it if current situation isn’t working

In UK law, you should not have been back working for your husband’s business days after birth - “An employer is not permitted to allow you to work for a two-week period which starts with the date your baby is born. This is known as compulsory maternity leave.”

Your husband could be in breach of the law- or if he had you on the books properly, he would be….

It's maternity leave not maternity but you might as well do some work leave.

I would go nuclear. Your husband is a selfish arsehole - this is your maternity leave to spend with your very young baby, not free time to fucking organise his business. Tell him to hire a PA if he's not happy with your workload and raising his child.

Outrageous! I would be livid.

And sorry - meant to add: you've grown a baby for 9 months, given birth, and are caring for an infant. Your husband needs to realise that is a major life change and not something to just pop out and farm out to nursery at 4 months old because it would be more convenient for him.

V important question here - he is self employed/running a small business. Are you employed by the business? Are you a director of the business? Or is it just that he wants you as free labour? Obviously, as a family, you all benefit if the business does well, but it does seem to me that if he was actually paying you for this work, there'd be less of an issue with you getting a temp to help. Surely, a better option is to pay someone to do the work rather than paying for nursery? Plus, there would be far more tax benefits to that than to paying for nursery.

@bloodyhell19

I would go nuclear. Your husband is a selfish arsehole - this is your maternity leave to spend with your very young baby, not free time to fucking organise his business. Tell him to hire a PA if he's not happy with your workload and raising his child.

Presumably the business they're all dependent on currently? I agree he (they) needs to find another way to manage this but that's a ridiculous over reaction.

Absolutely stick to your guns. Tell him that putting baby into nursery so young isn't happening and that if he tries once more to stop you spending this precious time with your baby whilst you have the opportunity to do it then you will resent him big time.

Does your husband's business pay you? He should. You would be receiving maternity pay now.

It seems like he likes to make all the decisions. Do you get any say in whether youll have a second child?

Tell him you haven't waited 9 months for your baby to put it in nursery for his convenience.

What a twat.