Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU to cut her off for this?

91 replies

crazymicrowave123 · 21/06/2021 09:13

I have a friend that I have known for close to 10 years. I would consider her my best friend (I'm sure she has other's that she would consider her best friend before me but anyway..) and we face time maybe once a week and text often to find out how the other is doing.

She invited me to a BBQ for her birthday party almost 2 weeks ago by sending out a mass invite on WhatsApp. Then she sent another mass message a few days later announcing that the BBQ had been cancelled for unspecified reasons. I replied telling her that it was fine and asked her how her day was.

Yesterday I wake up and go on Instagram to wish her a happy birthday (as did many others) and see that she has posted snippets of her birthday BBQ party and see that other's (some mutual people we follow, mostly her friend's) have also posted videos of the party and her blowing out her candles.

I feel really stupid and hurt. So I message her asking whether she still went ahead with the party and asking what happened. She responds saying she is 'sorry and forgot to tell me that it was back on'. I feel so hurt that she didn't even think to remind me which clearly meant I am not that important to her.

I was even more hurt as she had just given birth two months ago and I'd been asking to come over and visit her and meet her baby and she's had a lot of excuses saying because of Covid it isn't safe (we've both had the vaccine) and that she couldn't at the moment, but brought her baby to the party.

My AIBU I guess would be am I being unreasonable for being upset and wanting to cut her off as a friend?

OP posts:

TheNoodlesIncident · 21/06/2021 14:34

It's not just the birthday barbecue though is it, remember this?

I think your plan to take a step back and let her do the legwork is sensible.

2bazookas · 21/06/2021 14:34

Face it, you were dumped.

musthavebeenlove · 21/06/2021 14:41

She doesn’t sound like a friend tbh.
I’m sorry, this must be very hurtful to you.

Not out of spite, but to protect myself, I would cut her off. Unfollow her on SM, delete her number and any conversations on what’s app etc, photos, basically treat it like a break up (which it is, the break up of a friendship) and don’t respond if she contacts you. Yes it’s ghosting and not very kind but if someone had treated me like this, it’d be very obvious that they don’t give a shit about my feelings anyway so I wouldn’t bother to do anything for them anymore and that includes ‘properly’ ending the friendship.

Aprilx · 21/06/2021 14:50

[quote crazymicrowave123]@PurpleyBlue but that's the thing, we are very close. We went to college together and have known each other for almost 10 years. I have stayed over with her many times, and was there during her pregnancy and she and I have been pretty much best friends. She admittedly is a lot more popular than I and might have more people she would invite but I didn't expect her to not remind me about her birthday after weirdly inviting me in the first place.[/quote]
The length of time you have known someone is not related to the closeness of the friendship. She doesn’t think the same as you, she doesn’t see you as anything like a close friend. I don’t know what went on with the BBQ, it is even possible she invited you by accident and then made up the cancellation story, but even if that really did happen, she still didn’t think of you when re-inviting people.

You do need to take a step back and ideally, as you say, not in a dramatic way. Unfortunately, no you are not being unreasonable in wondering if you should cut her off, your “friend” wants you to do this. This is one of those times when you need to develop a thinner skin not a ticker one.

Theballoonsinthesky · 21/06/2021 14:57

Is it even possible on WhatsApp to send a mass message without creating a group first? Pretty sure it isn't. Sorry if I missed that the comms was actually sent on another platform but I dont believe she is telling you the truth here

Maddison12 · 21/06/2021 15:15

@iminthegarden

She didn't forget to remind you. She didn't want you there as she had to keep numbers lower and you didn't make the cut.

Yes this^ sorry.

Sounds like she's already cutting you off. I wouldn't speak to her again

NameChange456789 · 21/06/2021 15:19

I wouldn't contact her again, OP, but that's just me. I don't have time for people that play really childish games. Inviting you and then uninviting you then "forgetting" to tell you it was back on. It sounds really exhausting.

NameChange456789 · 21/06/2021 15:22

@2bazookas

Face it, you were dumped.

Are you just being nasty for the fun of it?

Bizawit · 21/06/2021 15:26

I think it’s a covid thing. She had to reduce numbers when the restrictions were extended. You didn’t make the cut 😞. Given that 30 people can attend outside I’d say that puts you v low on the list, not to mention she lied about it and was really insensitive re social media. Given this is definitely drop her. :( sorry op she doesn’t sound nice.

QueenBee52 · 21/06/2021 15:27

that was really cruel of her not to tell you it was back on 😳

drpet49 · 21/06/2021 15:28

It is quite clear that she doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore. She hasn’t invited you to see her baby. Without a doubt I think she accidentally I invited you to the BBQ and never meant to invite you in the first place.

Sorry to be harsh but take the hint OP and don’t embarrass yourself but trying to maintain this one sided friendship.

Original poster

crazymicrowave123 · 21/06/2021 15:58

@Theballoonsinthesky it is possible to send a mass message, as I have done it myself in the past. That I believe. It's just upsetting that she didn't think to make sure I was on the list. But hey I'm over it and shall move on and not think too deeply as most posters have said, it's quite a one sided friendship.

OP posts:

hardboiledeggs · 21/06/2021 16:30

Life is too short to have a “friend” like that. Sorry this happened to you, I would be upset too.

Sloth66 · 21/06/2021 17:15

No need for drama. She hasn’t acted like a friend, so I wouldn’t consider her one.
Downgrade her to acquaintance, step back and see if she bothers to make an effort.
I suspect she won’t.
Hopefully you have nicer people to meet and develop friendships with.

Walkingthedog46 · 21/06/2021 17:22

Mumsnet has a good saying - “never make someone a priority, when to them you are just an option”. Maybe something to bear in mind with this ‘friend’ going forwards.

Gemma2019 · 21/06/2021 19:48

Sorry OP, that must be really hurtful. But you know deep down that her excuses are rubbish, and she hasn't wanted you to meet her new baby after two months so she's not really a friend of yours. Don't waste your time and energy on her from now on.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread