To be fuming about fucking DH playing golf...

[pasteldreams]

...on his only day off from work (Sundays)?

Every Sunday.

I work from home a few hours each evening, but I'm still co sleeping and bfing our 1 year old to sleep....including nap times. So he doesn't have to do any of that.....

He works in a very physically demanding job 6 days a week and brings home the large majority of our income (we're still skint though). He declares that this entitles him to do what he likes on his only day off. He also said I had the 'luxury' of being at home every day and that's the deal.

His golf membership costs £80 a month too by the way, and we are living hand to mouth.
On the other hand the only thing he ever does for himself is golf - he never goes out with the 'lads' etc, he's not interested in that. We never go out together either.

I told him I'd get a full time job and put DD in childcare if his attitude is that he can do what he wants on a Sunday, because I can't deal with the unfairness anymore and the attitude that I have to look after DD 7 days a week because its easier than his job.

He has swanned off to a golf comp at 7am and won't be back til 2pm. Meanwhile I've been left with the chores and a teething, tantruming DD.

I've also forgotten to get him a father's day card and I've decided I'm not going out of my way to get him one either.

So am I being a bit harsh? YABU
Or is he being a dick? YANBU

@pasteldreams

Sorry to drip feed but getting a full time job for myself would be tricky for our family because I home educate our eldest DD(12) who has severe social anxiety.

Oh. I feel for you

I home educate. One of the ONLY things I dislike about home educating (though the other 1,000,000 things about it I LOVE!!) would be the no working. Fortunately I don’t have to work. But if I did. I’d be stumped.

Why do you need to co-sleep with a 1 year old during nap times? Your DH is off to be out half of Sunday but you are also making yourself an unnecessary martyr.
Get a PT job and take half of Sunday off. Or even better if you got a job maybe you could afford for him to only work 5 days a week and you could spend some family time on the weekend?

OP has said she works in the evening...

OP has the solution in the first post - go to work FT and get childcare, then they can both share two whole days off each at the weekend.

He does one activity a week on his own, it's not like he's off to the pub or gym for hours every night.

@starfro

OP has the solution in the first post - go to work FT and get childcare, then they can both share two whole days off each at the weekend.

He does one activity a week on his own, it's not like he's off to the pub or gym for hours every night.

Did you read she home educates?

(Although how she does with a 1 year old also, not in childcare, and co sleeps with during nap time is… intriguing!)

@starfro

OP has the solution in the first post - go to work FT and get childcare, then they can both share two whole days off each at the weekend.

He does one activity a week on his own, it's not like he's off to the pub or gym for hours every night.

But she later drip-fed that she home-schools her 12yo during the day, so I'm not quite sure how that would work if she decided to work full-time.

Why is anyone commenting negatively about how the OP home educated with a baby in tow. Of course she does. At 12 year old the eldest will be able to sit down and get on with set work surely. I know my 10 year old can easily if the work is set out.

I don’t think him golfing 7-2 on his one day off is too bad if that is all he does for leisure and works the other 6 days. You also say he is a doting dad when he is home. Does he look after the DC while you are home? He can’t feed your 1 yo but my sons dad used to do bathtime and we split story time as he got a little older. I bf until DS was 3.5y.

What happens when he gets back at 2? Could you do something as a family then? This is your time to take a break too so some weeks do something as a family and some weeks meet a friend or do something else for you.

Get him a card.

Sorry OP but I think YABU. He's entitled to spend his day off doing something for him that he enjoys. You are also entitled to spend 'time off' doing things for you. When he gets home on a Sunday can you then go out for a few hours and meet with friends? Can you reach some sort of agreement where you both get time to yourselves?

It doesn't need to be nasty or a competition on who works harder or who doesn't get enough free time. I think you're being childish about the Fathers Day issue - I'd get a card for him. You'd probably be hurt if he didn't make an effort for Mother's Day (assuming he does make an effort!).

DD isn’t likely to get over social anxiety if she doesn’t mix with other kids.

I’d get a job and use some of the income to pay for therapy for her.

I think some golf on a day off is fine. The real problem is that you’ve made a rod for your own back with the homeschooling.

@TatianaBis

I think some golf on a day off is fine. The real problem is that you’ve made a rod for your own back with the homeschooling.

So you think it's acceptable for OP's DH to not spend ANY days with her and the children? Really?

So you think it's acceptable for OP's DH to not spend ANY days with her and the children? Really?

How's that his fault? He has to work He'll see them in the evenings anyway. Can he not at least have a few hours to himself on Sunday?

@UnChatNoir

So you think it's acceptable for OP's DH to not spend ANY days with her and the children? Really?

How's that his fault? He has to work He'll see them in the evenings anyway. Can he not at least have a few hours to himself on Sunday?

🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

Yeah, didn't think you'd have much of a response 😂

@TatianaBis

DD isn’t likely to get over social anxiety if she doesn’t mix with other kids.

I’d get a job and use some of the income to pay for therapy for her.

This.

So many posts on MN are like this. In so many relationships the power is with the earner and the other half (in 99% of cases the woman) is the martyr who does everything/has no free time/hobbies and no disposable income.
Yes often the man behaves like an asshole too but I do wonder why I keep reading a variation of this post all the time.

I wouldn’t be happy with this.

One of the reasons I married dh was because I really enjoyed spending time with him. And one of the reasons I enjoy our marriage is that spending time together, and as a family is a high priority.

The half day for him, half day for me solution that always gets trotted out on these threads is a bit miserable. It’s fair but it’s more of a housemates arrangement than a marriage.

I really hate the way caring for children (in this case home educating a vulnerable child with special needs) gets downgraded to whatever value that the dh places on it, so the solution is always to outsource it and earn more money instead.

So you think it's acceptable for OP's DH to not spend ANY days with her and the children? Really?

He'd have more free time if he didn't have to work six days a week to support them all.

He does have them every evening while OP works, too.

My DH is a golfer. He’s passionate about it and is bloody good at it, so I do understand that it’s a sport that is quite involved and not cheap. But, my DH doesn’t play at my expense. I don’t think you’re being at all unreasonable. Yes, he only has one day off a week, but when do you get your time off?

Bearing in mind it’s summer, most courses are open til about 8pm ish. Could he play a couple of twilight rounds during the week? I know you said he has a physically demanding job, but if he can play 18 holes on a Sunday, why can’t he do 9 holes on a Tuesday & Thursday? Your eldest can entertain herself for a couple of hours while you work and your youngest is asleep. And then Sunday’s, you can take turns. One week he does what he wants, one week you do and one week is family time.

Perhaps he thinks that Father’s Day is no different for him because he spends every Sunday doing exactly what he wants, so there’s no difference for him.