To be fuming about fucking DH playing golf...

[pasteldreams]

...on his only day off from work (Sundays)?

Every Sunday.

I work from home a few hours each evening, but I'm still co sleeping and bfing our 1 year old to sleep....including nap times. So he doesn't have to do any of that.....

He works in a very physically demanding job 6 days a week and brings home the large majority of our income (we're still skint though). He declares that this entitles him to do what he likes on his only day off. He also said I had the 'luxury' of being at home every day and that's the deal.

His golf membership costs £80 a month too by the way, and we are living hand to mouth.
On the other hand the only thing he ever does for himself is golf - he never goes out with the 'lads' etc, he's not interested in that. We never go out together either.

I told him I'd get a full time job and put DD in childcare if his attitude is that he can do what he wants on a Sunday, because I can't deal with the unfairness anymore and the attitude that I have to look after DD 7 days a week because its easier than his job.

He has swanned off to a golf comp at 7am and won't be back til 2pm. Meanwhile I've been left with the chores and a teething, tantruming DD.

I've also forgotten to get him a father's day card and I've decided I'm not going out of my way to get him one either.

So am I being a bit harsh? YABU
Or is he being a dick? YANBU

£80 per month is significant money. Do you get to spend an equivalent amount on yourself?

@ineedaholidaynow

Why does he work 6 days a week?

Because they need the money? That’s why most people work. Presumably if OP worked full time he wouldn’t need to.

* I told him I'd get a full time job and put DD in childcare if his attitude is that he can do what he wants on a Sunday, because I can't deal with the unfairness anymore and the attitude that I have to look after DD 7 days a week because its easier than his job. *

You don’t say this response

6bday full on working week. This is tough.

I’d say how about every other Sunday.

@Jellybabiesforbreakfast

Would it be OK for a woman who worked 6 days a week to spend a large chunk of her only day off away from her family? Or would she be criticised for never seeing them?

If a woman came on here and said she worked full-time to support her SAH husband and step-son, she would no doubt be told to make her husband step-up and get a job and pay for his own kid.

I assume he's looking after the kids when you work a few hours each night? It doesn't sound unreasonable to go to golf if you can then be free from 2pm.

@Inthemuckheap

He works 6 days a week to support the family. Your daughter who requires home ed isn't his. Your choice to co-sleep and bf a one year old. He gets half a day and if you want the other half day then take it. YABU.

Totally agree

Any hobby that takes a parent away For hours when you have small children is not ok. Also, you are HE, caring completley fie a 1 year old and all the chores? He needs to give hi head a wobble.

* I've also forgotten to get him a father's day card and I've decided I'm not going out of my way to get him one either. *

And this is a marriage?

Sounds grim. Tit for tat.

@pasteldreams

Isn't fathers day supposed to be about time with your kids anyway?

Yep

So he’s the doting dad after work, doesn’t go out with the lads etc plays golf on a Sunday but only until 2pm?

I think maybe your issue is you haven’t got something for you. If you had a hobby or met a friend every week for lunch maybe things would feel more balanced? I do think since he works 6 days a week the majority of household stuff would fall on you.

@Inthemuckheap

He works 6 days a week to support the family. Your daughter who requires home ed isn't his. Your choice to co-sleep and bf a one year old. He gets half a day and if you want the other half day then take it. YABU.

I agree with this. The best way is to split the day up between you.

How do you home educate with a 1 year old not in childcare?

@Womendohavevaginasnick

He must be a really bad player if a round takes him all day. DH gets round in about 3 hours including a pint at the end and even when he was a 24 handicapper it was never more than 4 hours. What else is he doing there ?

Depends who else is on the course, if the course is fully booked with four balls with high handicaps (which it will be on a Sunday) DHs group will be stuck behind them. And he's only just started playing so probably a duffer himself.

Do everyone a favour and leave him.

Well lets hope he gets his dinner while he's out as its your day off...

I love how this has turned into OP's fault for daring to have a child before he came onto the scene!
I'm assuming he knew all about the older DD before committing to the relationship and having another child? Of course he did!

He needs to fuck off with his weekly sport and spending money you don't have.
Either speak to each other like a team and a couple about the children and finance and equal time off or you need to call it a day. You don't sound like you like him very much (and I don't blame you tbh!) you also sound ground down and fed up of life.
Maybe this is a turning point to get it sorted or make the jump. Good luck whatever you do, it sounds tough.

I told him I'd get a full time job and put DD in childcare if his attitude is that he can do what he wants on a Sunday, because I can't deal with the unfairness anymore and the attitude that I have to look after DD 7 days a week because its easier than his job.
So do it. Sounds better for everyone.

Both my parents (working FT) would play sport several times a week when I was growing up. The idea that one would stop the other doing so is absolutely disgusting.

The attitude toward sport on here is horrific, but does explain our obesity crisis.

YABVU

@starfro. When does the OP get to go out and exercise? She cares for 1yo and homeschools during the day and works from home during the evening.

I'm quite captured by how he considers being at him a luxury, yet when he can be at home he choses not to be.

Also do like how on MN partners don't have to do anything for the mother their children because she's not his mother. Yet a partner not doing something for the father is wrong, grim and not a marriage. Weird.

Yabu
I don’t think 7-2 is too much to ask assuming you can do stuff together afterwards and agree with other posters, staying at home is a luxury, my life was much calmer when I did.
Sport is important for both physical and mental wellbeing.

@starfro

Both my parents (working FT) would play sport several times a week when I was growing up. The idea that one would stop the other doing so is absolutely disgusting.

The attitude toward sport on here is horrific, but does explain our obesity crisis.

YABVU

To be fair, in this instance it’s golf followed by beers!

I think the problem here is that you don’t have much of a relationship/friendship between you two . It doesn’t sound like you spend much time together which is what happens when a baby arrives. Maybe a new attitude towards your relationship is required first & foremost. Perhaps talk to him in a calm way without attacking him. If you explain to him what your days look like while he’s away he may reconsider how he is on weekends?

@ineedaholidaynow

Why does he work 6 days a week?

Presumably because OP doesn’t work and they are skint.