Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming about fucking DH playing golf...

95 replies

pasteldreams · 20/06/2021 11:29

...on his only day off from work (Sundays)?

Every Sunday.

I work from home a few hours each evening, but I'm still co sleeping and bfing our 1 year old to sleep....including nap times. So he doesn't have to do any of that.....

He works in a very physically demanding job 6 days a week and brings home the large majority of our income (we're still skint though). He declares that this entitles him to do what he likes on his only day off. He also said I had the 'luxury' of being at home every day and that's the deal.

His golf membership costs £80 a month too by the way, and we are living hand to mouth.
On the other hand the only thing he ever does for himself is golf - he never goes out with the 'lads' etc, he's not interested in that. We never go out together either.

I told him I'd get a full time job and put DD in childcare if his attitude is that he can do what he wants on a Sunday, because I can't deal with the unfairness anymore and the attitude that I have to look after DD 7 days a week because its easier than his job.

He has swanned off to a golf comp at 7am and won't be back til 2pm. Meanwhile I've been left with the chores and a teething, tantruming DD.

I've also forgotten to get him a father's day card and I've decided I'm not going out of my way to get him one either.

So am I being a bit harsh? YABU
Or is he being a dick? YANBU

OP posts:
Kittenbittenmitten · 20/06/2021 14:31

YANBU. Totally fucking selfish. So what that he works hard? You work hard too, just in a different way. He is saying you don't matter. With only one day off you'd think he'd want to be with the family. Maybe once a month but EVERY Sunday? Some men take a very long time to grasp that life changes after kids, the trouble is by the time they've got, the damage to the marriage is done.

Kittenbittenmitten · 20/06/2021 14:32

"Got it"

Majorfluff · 20/06/2021 14:38

He obviously works hard and needs a break.

newnortherner111 · 20/06/2021 14:40

YANBU even if you both worked, had good childcare arrangements and did not live hand to mouth.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/06/2021 14:41

@Majorfluff

He obviously works hard and needs a break.
And OP crochets unicorns?
Inthemuckheap · 20/06/2021 14:50

He works 6 days a week to support the family. Your daughter who requires home ed isn't his. Your choice to co-sleep and bf a one year old.
He gets half a day and if you want the other half day then take it.
YABU.

Kittenbittenmitten · 20/06/2021 14:59

^He works 6 days a week to support the family. Your daughter who requires home ed isn't his. Your choice to co-sleep and bf a one year old.
He gets half a day and if you want the other half day then take it.^
YABU.

So when do they spend time as a family? As for breastfeeding why should OP stop because she has an unsupportive husband?

justasking111 · 20/06/2021 15:00

You say you home school, does that mean you could not work before the baby came along?

justasking111 · 20/06/2021 15:01

The eldest presumably has a father could he step up at weekends and help out?

Mary46 · 20/06/2021 15:01

Her partner next door plays golf. He gone most Sundays. Fair is fair you should have some rest or time off. Feel for you. Can you get a Saturday to yourself?

Vallmo47 · 20/06/2021 15:06

I had a similar situation years ago and got a part time job just so he could do full time parenting. Needless to say he soon changed his tune and realised how much work was actually involved in doing it.

I would get him a card though, today is not the day to fight the battle. I’d absolutely have words other times. Totally your choice though. Good luck 💗

GreenWillow · 20/06/2021 15:13

In fairness, being at home all day is a luxury. I was a sahp too and this was part of the deal, I had plenty of downtime and got all the chores done in the week so DH could have the weekends as his downtime.

You have made choices here that are making your life more difficult. HE is untimately a choice, and it’s not actually his DC.

Co sleeping and Bfing to sleep is a terrible strategy and I’m not surprised it is causing you issues.

I’d suggest you rethink your lifestyle choices and see if that makes you feel better about the situation.

7-2 on his only day off is perfectly reasonable IMO.

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 20/06/2021 15:16

Don't bother with the chores. Book a babysitter for the LO from 7 until 2 and go out yourself.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 20/06/2021 15:16

@Inthemuckheap

He works 6 days a week to support the family. Your daughter who requires home ed isn't his. Your choice to co-sleep and bf a one year old. He gets half a day and if you want the other half day then take it. YABU.
I’m afraid I agree with this.
Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 20/06/2021 15:21

Would it be OK for a woman who worked 6 days a week to spend a large chunk of her only day off away from her family? Or would she be criticised for never seeing them?

GreenWillow · 20/06/2021 15:23

@Jellybabiesforbreakfast

Would it be OK for a woman who worked 6 days a week to spend a large chunk of her only day off away from her family? Or would she be criticised for never seeing them?
If that’s what she wanted to do, yes of course it would be.

What an odd question

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 20/06/2021 15:26

I just don't think we live in a world where we would say to a mother who worked 6 days a week that it's fine for her to spend most of her day off away from her children. Instead, she'd be slammed for never seeing them.

bargelights · 20/06/2021 15:31

Yep, go back to work full time. Your DH sounds like a selfish idiot.

Womendohavevaginasnick · 20/06/2021 15:33

He must be a really bad player if a round takes him all day. DH gets round in about 3 hours including a pint at the end and even when he was a 24 handicapper it was never more than 4 hours. What else is he doing there ?

ineedaholidaynow · 20/06/2021 15:38

Why does he work 6 days a week?

Aprilx · 20/06/2021 15:39

@pasteldreams

But yes he's always played sport on his day off. It used to be football but recently switched to golf...which is worse because it takes most of the day.
It doesn’t take most of the day, there would be a lot of pissed off golfers behind him if it did. I used to have a boyfriend that did golf on a Sunday and he would be finished by 10:30-11:00am.

I do think you are making life harder for yourself in some ways. But he works six days and chooses not to spend the other day with you. I can’t see any point in being married to him.

ineedaholidaynow · 20/06/2021 15:40

I assume most of these dads playing golf on Sunday aren't having anytime with their own Dads as well as not spending time with their own children

forinborin · 20/06/2021 15:40

I would not begrudge him some personal time in this circumstance (and 7 to 2 is hardly excessive). He is supporting a child who isn't his and has much higher than average needs (homeschooling). That's decent, and it is in interests of everyone in your family that he does not burn out. So the priority for the oxygen mask here goes to him, in my opinion.

LateAtTate · 20/06/2021 15:42

You said he’s gone from 7 a.m - 2p.m for a comp - how is that all day or does he normally play longer ?
YANBU if he spends the entire day on his one day off at the golf course (say until 5 p.m) but I don’t see why spending time until the afternoon is wrong? Provided that you also get to take a break when he comes home.

And why isn’t he keeping the kids from hassling you when you’re trying to take a break?

You knew he was a sporty person when you married him - did you think he’d just give it up the moment you had children... most people reduce the amount of sport they do with a family, not give it up completely.

roobicoobi · 20/06/2021 15:48

@pasteldreams

But yes he's always played sport on his day off. It used to be football but recently switched to golf...which is worse because it takes most of the day.

Did you not discuss your expectations of each other prior to TTC?