Is it my fault my DS isn't as advanced as some toddlers ?

[anewpost]

My DS is 18 months. I would say he's very good at certain skills - his balance is amazing, his dexterity is very good. He can stack a lot of blocks for example ( 9 ). He seems happy, I would say. I try to teach him as much as I can- the colours, the numbers, animals etc.

He knows some words and is being raised bilingual.

He doesn't wave or point a lot, but he has done it. It's just not something he does regularly. He used to wave all the time, now he just doesn't want to as much. He says bye though when people leave etc.

Recently I've met some other 18 month olds and noticed that they're advanced in some areas and not as advanced in others. Waving more and knowing more words etc. But maybe not as good at balance and dexterity ( doing hand stuff ).

I'm just a bit concerned. I've tried very hard to teach him animal noises and colours and he does repeat some animal noises. If you ask him though ' where is the cow ? ' he won't point at it.

The women who's children may be are more ' advanced ' have been more stay at home mums. I went back to work when he was 7 months. I feel stressed about it. I hope he's OK and normal.

I'm basically waiting for him to point things out on a page when I ask him ' where is the cow? ' for example. He does go and get me certain stuffed animals when I ask him. I guess I just worry that I am not doing a good job. Or maybe I'm expecting too much ?

You sound quite anxious OP. Has he actually seen or heard any of these animals in real life. 18 months is a lovely age, just enjoy it. As long as you talk to him and read to him he'll be fine. I used to do a lot of 'thinking aloud': 'who's at the door, oh it's Nanny, come on in Nanny' ; 'what a sunny day it is shall we go to the park?' etc etc . You'll sound like a cbeebies presenter but it works.

@Spanglemum

You sound quite anxious OP. Has he actually seen or heard any of these animals in real life. 18 months is a lovely age, just enjoy it. As long as you talk to him and read to him he'll be fine. I used to do a lot of 'thinking aloud': 'who's at the door, oh it's Nanny, come on in Nanny' ; 'what a sunny day it is shall we go to the park?' etc etc . You'll sound like a cbeebies presenter but it works.

Yes narrating is the best. My nanny does it beautifully !

I am super anxious, well spotted.

And NO he has not really seen these animals in real life ! He has little wooden figurines of them. He only knows a dog, as he has one ! And he always says dog and woof woof !

Absolutely nothing to do with being a stay-at-home mum or working mum. At all. They all develop at different rates.

He sounds very physically dexterous for his age, to be able to do buckles and build towers like that. They really can’t be good at everything. At 18 months my DD was very good at speech (and I’m a working mum!) but had only just learned to walk, and wasn’t very physically dexterous at all. Try not to compare yourself to others, as they all catch up in the end.

Also he will be leaps and bounds ahead in life by being bilingual, that is fantastic

He's sounds great op.

Are your languages Italian/English? (I wasnt sure if ciai was just an example)
Ours are too

@Tangled22

Absolutely nothing to do with being a stay-at-home mum or working mum. At all. They all develop at different rates.

He sounds very physically dexterous for his age, to be able to do buckles and build towers like that. They really can’t be good at everything. At 18 months my DD was very good at speech (and I’m a working mum!) but had only just learned to walk, and wasn’t very physically dexterous at all. Try not to compare yourself to others, as they all catch up in the end.

Also he will be leaps and bounds ahead in life by being bilingual, that is fantastic

Aw thank you. We are actually trying for trilingual.

I'm not sure that's such a good idea. But we have three spoken languages within our family.

He's mainly speaking English right now though I would say. We just kind of expose him to the other two. It's actually all a bit tricky with the languages thing, which could be why the words aren't as clear as they may otherwise be.

He also has recently put the correct shapes in the correct holes of those types of toys. He really enjoys concentrating with his hands and trying to work out how to open and close bottles / creams with lids etc.

Maybe language and animal noises just aren't up there on his list of priorities right now ! But when I see other toddlers pointing at a cat and saying cat, which is something he doesn't do, I worry.

But you're all right. It's a big picture thing. Every child is unique.

Honestly the more you put pressure on formal learning the less he is likely to enjoy it so it will be very counterproductive! Kids learn all the time, through everything they do, and especially through play. Trying to teach kids in a formal way is never good really, especially at 18 months! If you take him out for a walk and splash in puddles he is learning, if you sing songs with him he is learning, if you build blocks and try different foods he is learning. Please don't put pressure on yourself as you will take all the joy out of things for both of you

@Camomila

Are your languages Italian/English? (I wasnt sure if ciai was just an example) Ours are too

Yes! And French !

But when I see other toddlers pointing at a cat and saying cat, which is something he doesn't do, I worry.

And when others see your child doing buckles and building tall towers they may also feel the same. Children have different interests and abilities, they will never be exaclty the same so please stop worrying about what he isn't doing and focus on what he can do.

I was a SAHM to both mine and they're bilingual too. I didn't actively teach them anything. However I talked to them all the time. They both developed at very different rates. Honestly don't worry, enjoy your son whilst he's small. It goes so fast. He sounds like he's doing really well. As pp said, it doesn't matter what you do, you'll always beat yourself up about something. Then you'll realise it's making no one happy. Just be you.

Does he make vehicle noises? My DC had no interest in animals but loved all the vehicle noises. One was interested in diggers, one emergency vehicles and the other anything to do with trains. We had a lot of choo choo and ni not ni nor going on!

I’m a SAHM and my PFB was honestly like a child prodigy (in my eyes!) at 18 months she could count to 10 and had tons of words, and by the time she was 2 she could have a full normal conversation with her. I couldn’t help but think that (maybe!) it was all the time I spent reading with her and teaching her etc. My second-born has just turned 2 and she only has a small handful of real words, a bunch of made-up words and is NOTHING like my first born, even though I’ve stayed a SAHM and we constantly read/learn/do flashcards etc. My second-born though is so physically able, strong, great balance, no fear! She will happily climb/jump/slide down things that my now 4yo PFB is still too scared to try! She’s also so in tune to peoples’ emotions and will offer a ‘hug’ (one of her only words) to anyone who is sad/hurts themselves. My mum (who has 6 DGCs) always says about children ‘they’re all different’ and it’s so simple but so, so true. Try not to compare. Also my cousins’ kids are bilingual and were both later to talk which I think is pretty standard!

Waving is a baby skill, the novelty of which tends to wear off when the words come as has happened with your dc . It's absolutely normal for bilingual dc to be a bit slower when they are talking as they have twice the amount to process. Your DC sounds absolutely fine and comparing is always a mistake anyway as all children develop differently

@SwimBaby

Does he make vehicle noises? My DC had no interest in animals but loved all the vehicle noises. One was interested in diggers, one emergency vehicles and the other anything to do with trains. We had a lot of choo choo and ni not ni nor going on!

Hahah yes be loves choo choo. He does that all the time when he sees a train. He does brum brum when he sees a car or his little bike.. he's not yet onto emergency vehicles

Haha my 22 month old wouldn’t point to a cow and, when you ask him a question to which he doesn’t know the answer, just responds, quite definitively “Ada” - I suspect, just for something to say. I just let stuff take its course.

@Phrowzunn like your younger wee one, he’s physically very very strong and able and scared of nothing! He’s a total thrill-seeker!

Don't worry about asking him to do things, even little kids can sense when they are being 'tested' just play with the animals and make the noises or say 'cow goes moo' but don't ask him to copy. Modelling language makes learning seamless and fun for the child. Your little one sounds fine by the way!

Honestly you are really really over thinking it.

I have a 19 month old. She's been walking and running and pointing and waving for ages, but can only say about about 8 words maybe? She can't stack blocks and mainly just throws things around. She's 'normal'.

I have a five year old who had over two hundred words by the time he was two. But he couldn't jump until he was about three and literally couldn't hold a pen until he went to school. He's also 'normal'.

I have a four year old who could speak in complex sentences really early, rode a bike without stabilisers on the first try at three but didn't know his colours until literally a months ago. He's also 'normal'.

See where I'm going with this? All children, even those raised by the same parents in the same house are different. Don't compare your child to others because you can always find things to worry about. There are some things that yes, can indicate that a child may have an issue - my middle son, the colours thing had him referred to the hospital and my eldest was referred for the jumping thing, but both are fine although the eldest does have some autistic traits but we are waiting on a referral about that.

Anyway your baby sounds absolutely fine! My 19 month old has recently upped her babbling so I'm hoping she might get some more words soon, you'll find developments can come really quickly once the start. But don't worry at all, you baby and you are doing great.

They all develop differently and I’ve found mine tend to focus on one thing at a time so there is never even progress. My first did everything early physically, she knew all her colours before 18m but wasn’t really a talker. My second has been much slower to reach all of her early milestones but her personality is quite different. First would just give everything a go- she’s quite creative but hasn’t got the patience to do anything carefully. The second is much more reflective. She likes to observe and watch. I suspect she’ll be just as bright but have quite different strengths.

DS barely said anything until about 2.5years. Turns out he was quietly taking everything in. I now get long explanations about specific football formations and pokemon.

DS barely said anything until about 2.5years. Turns out he was quietly taking everything in. I now get long explanations about specific football formations and pokemon.

DD was even later - well in to 3 before she was saying anything that could be understood outside the home. Yesterday she informed that she 'plans to use different strategies to apply the dye on individual items' (tie dying) she's 7!

[quote anewpost]@ObviousNameChage you're definitely right ! I think I've read too many websites that say that not pointing and waving is bad. But it's out of context.

The asking him things is tiring and I don't think he likes it either. I'll just take it easy and it will come.[/quote]
Context is everything though. And it's not bad as such but that it can (emphasis on can) be a sign alongside many many others that it could point to a child that's neuro diverse .

Also, the focus is always on what the child can't or won't do , completely ignoring the various things they do and how wonderfully they do manage to navigate and learn about their world even at such a small age.

I'll use my daughter again as an example.
-very shy
-hated loud noises (couldn't use public toilets because of the sound of hand dryers , so she was in pull ups for much longer than needed)
-hated men as a baby
-didn't sleep
-didn't eat(this was regression and had to reintroduce everything including toast)
-didn't speak much or very clearly and that lasted until start of y1.

This is what focusing on the negatives /what she can't do paints as a picture.

The truth is she outgrew most of these,she is NT, excels academically, is very sociable,has loads of friends , adults and children love her ,active, great fine and gross motor skills and she's described as lovely,polite and kind(and a pain the ass by me ) .

Imo what you and nanny together want to be doing is giving him a range of experiences. So reading to him every day, messy play, starting off with crayons and stickers (although my DC didn't get into these until they were well over 2), trips out to places (park, beach, woods, zoo etc.), music groups, interaction with other children so he can begin to learn some social skills, walks, playground trips and lots of time just playing with his toys or 'helping' with cooking and cleaning.

Please don't compare him to other children at this age. Your role is to expose him to different situations and activities and let him build his skills at his own pace. They all develop things like speech and fine and gross motor skills at different paces and you're just going to stress him and you out by pushing things too early.

I mean this in the kindest way possible but you really are overthinking things. I’m guessing this is your first child, it seems like the sort of worry that only crops up with a first child. I have 5 DC now and I really wouldn’t think twice about this at 18 months, your DS sounds fine.

My eldest didn’t speak until he was three, he didn’t even say mama. I was so worried he has autism but he’s 11 now and absolutely fine. Honestly, your DS is doing great.

@anewpost. What happens if you are sitting with him and a book and his favourite teddy and you ask the teddy to point at the cow and the teddy ‘points’ at the sheep? Would he correct the teddy?