Is it my fault my DS isn't as advanced as some toddlers ?

[anewpost]

My DS is 18 months. I would say he's very good at certain skills - his balance is amazing, his dexterity is very good. He can stack a lot of blocks for example ( 9 ). He seems happy, I would say. I try to teach him as much as I can- the colours, the numbers, animals etc.

He knows some words and is being raised bilingual.

He doesn't wave or point a lot, but he has done it. It's just not something he does regularly. He used to wave all the time, now he just doesn't want to as much. He says bye though when people leave etc.

Recently I've met some other 18 month olds and noticed that they're advanced in some areas and not as advanced in others. Waving more and knowing more words etc. But maybe not as good at balance and dexterity ( doing hand stuff ).

I'm just a bit concerned. I've tried very hard to teach him animal noises and colours and he does repeat some animal noises. If you ask him though ' where is the cow ? ' he won't point at it.

The women who's children may be are more ' advanced ' have been more stay at home mums. I went back to work when he was 7 months. I feel stressed about it. I hope he's OK and normal.

I'm basically waiting for him to point things out on a page when I ask him ' where is the cow? ' for example. He does go and get me certain stuffed animals when I ask him. I guess I just worry that I am not doing a good job. Or maybe I'm expecting too much ?

Look, no-one makes it to adulthood not knowing what sound a cow makes. It’ll come in time, just enjoy spending time together and don’t worry about actively teaching him all the time

Honestly, he sounds fine

They are all different and do things at different stages.

When my son was 18 months, he didn't have many words and I thought he would never have 50 by age 2. He got to 2 and I was unable to count how many he had. It clicked all at once.

When he was in Y1, I thought he would never join his handwriting- that clicked in January of Y2.

On the other hand, he's absolutely great at Maths! No doubt, there will be children in his class who aren't as confident in maths but that doesn't mean my son is any better than them, he just gets it quickly. They'll all get there eventually.

Mine didn't point or wave much. Eye contact was poor. Poor dexterity. Just about knew the whole alphabet at 4. Didn't read anything until end of reception year. Couldn't write cursive until 8. Now in all top sets for GCSE. You really don't need to worry. These things are not signs of particular intelligence. Read to him 20 minutes every night before bed with something he's interested in. Read with him once school give him books. Keep talking to him. Ask him questions. Provide the time and space to study. He'll be just fine.

My 3 DC didn’t point, 2 avoided eye contact, they’ve all turned out to be fine young adults.

he's 18m ffs, stop with the pressure on yourself & him.

he seems fine.
and pointing is rude🤣

@anewpost

I saw a video online of an 18 month old baby repeating about 10 animal sounds when the mother asked. That set me off ....

I would think she shared the video because she thought it was remarkable! Not because it was average!

I bet your ds does lots that the others his age don't that you aren't thinking of. My ds could make loads of animal sounds at 18 months and build huge towers of blocks but wasn't e.g. walking. It will even out!

@KitchenWarrior I don't know if other toddlers do it at his age, but he loves buckles and is really skilled at opening and closing them. He also loves building towers, very tall ones. His balance is the most remarkable thing. He doesn't fall much and manages to stand up and climb into tiny spaces and keep his balance somehow.

He probably says around 25 - 30 words in context at the moment ( not clearly ). He also jumbles up the words in the languages he's exposed to. So he'll say half the word in one and half the word in the other language. Like ciai - a mix of ciao and bye. Hahah.

Main concerns are that he just doesn't point loads. Sometimes. But when you ask him : where is the banana? He'll turn around to look at the fruit basket. Or if I say ' where is the water ' he'll grab his water bottle and say ' water '. He says BYE when people say bye to him, but he doesn't wave at them anymore. He used to though. Sometimes he does half a wave when they've left. Not sure how to get him to do it again !

Honestly for a child growing up bilingual he sounds quite advanced compared to many his age.

My DS is 18 months. He learnt to walk in the past week and knows about 15 words. I really do think you need to reframe your mindset. You're focusing on what he can't do instead of all the things he's excelling at.

Main concerns are that he just doesn't point loads. Sometimes. But when you ask him : where is the banana? He'll turn around to look at the fruit basket. Or if I say ' where is the water ' he'll grab his water bottle and say ' water '.

Why are you worried about this? Would you point if someone asked you? He's showing he understands the question you're asking, he just doesn't see the need to point when there are other ways to show you.

Just like the waving goodbye, he doesn't need to wave as he can say the word bye.

Like others I think you need to relax and appreciate what he can do. You sound so stressed about this, and he's bound to be picking up on your anxieties.

He sounds great to me. Let go of that mothers’ guilt. It won’t serve you!

Thank you both. It's just everywhere you read, makes a massive deal about pointing and waving.

But you're right, he does understand both things, but doesn't always do them.

You’re doing nothing wrong. He’s 18 months old, still tiny. I understand the feeling, my DS2 didn’t walk until he was 22 months, he was delayed due to his hyper mobility. I got comments such as “you should put shoes on him so he’ll walk” 🙄 they all progress at their own pace

I have an 18 month old.

I am a 'stay at home' mum (sort of, I WFH at nap times, evenings and weekends).

I am worried that DD is not as advanced as other 18 month olds too.

However, I am certain it's because she DOESN'T go to nursery and is with me 24/7 so she's not stimulated enough.

Basically, as parents, we'll always find something to beat ourselves up about.

@strawberrymilkshakeisdelicious

I have an 18 month old.

I am a 'stay at home' mum (sort of, I WFH at nap times, evenings and weekends).

I am worried that DD is not as advanced as other 18 month olds too.

However, I am certain it's because she DOESN'T go to nursery and is with me 24/7 so she's not stimulated enough.

Basically, as parents, we'll always find something to beat ourselves up about.

Well that's another thing. People keep telling me he'll ' really take off ' when he goes to nursery etc. So I do understand how you feel. I've heard it both ways. Stay at home mums work harder on teaching their kids stuff because they give undivided attention. So the children are more advanced. And then I have heard that nursery is the way for them to progress and that's why my DS is not ' taking off ' in his development.

We can't win!

He sounds fine. Please try not to compare with other children, although I know that is easier said than done. Run your own race (and if you have Disney+ watch The Baby Race episode of the cartoon Bluey, it perfectly sums up what you’re going through).

[quote anewpost]@KitchenWarrior I don't know if other toddlers do it at his age, but he loves buckles and is really skilled at opening and closing them. He also loves building towers, very tall ones. His balance is the most remarkable thing. He doesn't fall much and manages to stand up and climb into tiny spaces and keep his balance somehow.

He probably says around 25 - 30 words in context at the moment ( not clearly ). He also jumbles up the words in the languages he's exposed to. So he'll say half the word in one and half the word in the other language. Like ciai - a mix of ciao and bye. Hahah.

Main concerns are that he just doesn't point loads. Sometimes. But when you ask him : where is the banana? He'll turn around to look at the fruit basket. Or if I say ' where is the water ' he'll grab his water bottle and say ' water '. He says BYE when people say bye to him, but he doesn't wave at them anymore. He used to though. Sometimes he does half a wave when they've left. Not sure how to get him to do it again ! [/quote]
But why does he HAVE to? Why are you so focused on this?

DD only pointed when she wanted to show me something or to pick between two thing. Even the picking she did rarely, as she'd just grab what she wanted instead. She was also quite mobile so she'd just go /get what /where she wanted rather than point. She'd go sit near her shoes and try to put them on or dangle my keys if she wanted to go out for example.

The constant questioning sounds tedious and exhausting, not just for you but for him too. Pointless too, it doesn't really teach him anything. Actual conversations and involvement in his daily life is how they learn. So instead of asking where is the banana over and over again just ask "would you like some fruit? Let's go to the fruit bowl" let him lead. Then pick two fruits and ask "would you like the banana or the apple?" and show them to him/you point at them. And so on.

How well would you learn a new language if someone just constantly asked you questions and expected you to point things out regardless what you're doing?

My 18 month old does some animal sounds but they don't always match up 😂 the cat says moo sometimes 😂 only started doing any in the last couple of weeks.

I wouldn't worry at all. My boys favourite word is daddy and he never says mummy. Will attempt gruffalo alot tho!

It will all come in time.

@anewpost

Thank you both. It's just everywhere you read, makes a massive deal about pointing and waving.

But you're right, he does understand both things, but doesn't always do them.

@anewpost

chances are you read about other things too but it's a sore point you notice it more or pay more attention to it.
it's like a negative bias.

try to ignore it.

and a little tip: if people say their kid can do it but you never see the child actually doing it the parents might be lying exaggerating.
so take enthusiastic commentary about offsprings' achievement with a pinch of salt

I don't think your post mentions if your son is your first child, but I'm guessing he is. I was exactly the same with my first and she wasn't raised bilingual! And then I kept comparing what my second child could do with what my first could do at his age.
I never ever worried about my third. It was easier because he's a lot younger than the other two and none of my friends had children his age. But I just let him be him and develop at his rate. It was far less stressful. You sound like you're doing an amazing job.
And don't ever be thinking that you've done anything detrimental to him by going back to work!

@ObviousNameChage you're definitely right ! I think I've read too many websites that say that not pointing and waving is bad. But it's out of context.

The asking him things is tiring and I don't think he likes it either. I'll just take it easy and it will come.

Some "advanced" children have effectively rote learned things. We knew someone who's 3 year old could apparently read. His mum would get a book out and he'd be word perfect. Except he couldn't read those words elsewhere so had just memorised the story after his mum telling him it every day. There's no shame in that, he had a great memory. But it could be the same with other things. Do the parents of the advanced children ever mix up the order in which they ask animal sounds? Use pictures from different books? Ask for random numbers of objects rather than just counting 1-10 or whatever? If not I'd be suspicious of any slightly outlandish claims. But regardless of all that every child develops at their own pace and unless they are seriously delayed it's fine.

Spew h and language therapist here. He sounds like a totally normal healthy kid. Yes some kids will be talking in sentences at that age y eldest did. My younger one was more like your boy. Both about the same now. If he isn't moving on by 2 seek a referral but for now carry on and enjoy him x

Aw he sounds fab.

Do you point at things? Do other people wave bye bye? These are learned behaviours so he needs to see them in action to learn them! This was where I went wrong, once we started pointing (Yes how rude) so did ds

@KitchenWarrior

Aw he sounds fab.

Do you point at things? Do other people wave bye bye? These are learned behaviours so he needs to see them in action to learn them! This was where I went wrong, once we started pointing (Yes how rude) so did ds

I must admit I don't point that much. But OMG do I wave Hahahaahah. Seriously he used to wave constantly ! Just can't be bothered anymore.

People wave at him so much. I think he's just a rebellious little toddler !