To wake a 16 year old to brush his teeth

[BattleOfWills]

Name changed as my ex’s wife might recognise this dilemma if DS mentions it to them.

My 16 year old has a habit of snuggling down on his bed in the evenings with a screen. He then often falls asleep. I remind him to brush his teeth when I kiss him goodnight on my way to read in bed at 9pm but he thinks that’s too early for tooth brushing so leaves it for later. Then dozes off.

When I go to brush my own teeth at 11 or 12 I often (once a week, maybe?) realise I haven’t heard his toothbrush and check it to find it dry. I then wake him to brush his teeth. Last night for the first time he flat refused to get up and we got into a battle of wills. He was wide awake but refused to get out of bed. Eventually he agreed to brush if I brought the brush to his bed.

Is it unreasonable to still be policing a 16 year old’s tooth brushing? And is it unreasonable that I’ve told him from now on I’m going to wait in his room until he brushes them at 9pm?

Why is your 16 year old spending all his time in bed?

*all his evening time

He’s 16! He gets a talk on what will happen if he doesn’t brisk his teeth and that’s it!

I don't think you can police this at 16, but maybe suggest to him he keeps his tooth brushing things close by if he's not going to brush at 9pm? And make sure he understands the repercussions if he doesn't brush them.

He loves his bedroom, likes to hang out in there. I can’t argue with that, I go to my own bed at 9pm to read for the evening (I didn’t use to, but since the kids hang out in their rooms I figured I might as well hang out in mine).

Could your dentist have a chat with him? Or any other dental professional you know?

Yabu. This is basic life skill stuff. My 5 year old does it unprompted! He shouldn't need to be dragged out of bed to do it. Tell him once and let him deal with having rank teeth if he cba.

Calm down and stop treating him like a toddler, if he doesn’t brush well he’ll be the one with toothache.
Pick your battles.

YABU. I had my own bathroom at that age and I can't imagine my parents ever going anywhere near my toothbrush.

I'm shocked you go in to kiss him good night, I'm shocked you actually check to see if his toothbrush is wet and I'm even more shocked that you'd even consider this a problem when it happens once a week.

People fall asleep occasionally and don't brush their teeth. It happens.

You can't police this with a 16 year old and getting into a "battle of wills" over it is ridiculous.

Going to bed with brushing your teeth once a week is not going to cause anyone any harm.

@roobicoobi

Why is your 16 year old spending all his time in bed?

Why are you asking unrelated questions instead of responding to the OP?

Why are you policing a 16 year old this much?

@Snoozer11

I'm shocked you go in to kiss him good night, I'm shocked you actually check to see if his toothbrush is wet and I'm even more shocked that you'd even consider this a problem when it happens once a week.

People fall asleep occasionally and don't brush their teeth. It happens.

You can't police this with a 16 year old and getting into a "battle of wills" over it is ridiculous.

Going to bed with brushing your teeth once a week is not going to cause anyone any harm.

I’m shocked that you’re shocked I kiss my kids goodnight. I don’t mind that they like to hang out in their bedrooms, but I like to say hi to them from time to time. Neither he nor his 19 year old sister have any issue with me going in to say goodnight on my way to bed.

Did I misread that he is 16, surely you mean he is 6?

YABU

I think it’s lovely you go in to see them to say goodnight and I think things like that are massively important and bonding. Completely different if they hated you doing it.
Anyway back to the teeth.. my ds is similar and I hassle him to brush his teeth but ultimately they’re his teeth that I don’t really have a huge amount of control over. Maybe you need to tell him that a condition of hanging out in his room early is to brush his teeth?

He is far too old to have his mummy tell him when to brush his teeth. It's up to him.

I don't understand how 9pm is too early unless he is still eating after that time. At 16 he is well old enough to decide for himself though.

Once a week? Meh. Leave him be.

If it’s more often… I would start telling him you can smell his breath.

I’m shocked that you’re shocked I kiss my kids goodnight.

Me too - though not shocked but wondering why going in to say hello to your kids or kiss them goodnight at 16 causes shock to someone. You'd think you said you go in with a knife every night. Not everyone becomes emotionally distant with their kids once they become teenagers.

Anyway...pick your battles, as others have said. I'm not sure how someone can brush their teeth in their room though - what happens to the spit or brush? No rinsing or spitting out? I'd just leave him to it after you've told/shown him what happens to neglected teeth - assuming he neglects his. Or tell him it's okay to brush early and not wait till it's too late and he can't be arsed to get up.

It was a REVELATION to me to realise (on my twenties) that I didn't have to wait until the last minute when I was already tired to brush my teeth and wash my face / skincare stuff.

Now I do it all once I've had dinner and know I won't be drinking anything but water for the rest of the evening.

It's SO NICE to have it out of the way early so I can just floop into bed when I'm ready.

Maybe worth mentioning this option to him / starting it yourself?

Won't comment on the policing of a 16 year old's teeth - that's likely a small snap of a much wider parenting situation to figure out

@kowari

I don't understand how 9pm is too early unless he is still eating after that time. At 16 he is well old enough to decide for himself though.

He isn’t eating after 9pm. I don’t understand either why it’s too early.

I'm not sure how someone can brush their teeth in their room though - what happens to the spit or brush? No rinsing or spitting out?

He swallowed it. This is the first and probably last time he’s brushed them in his room.

Crikey. I’d left home by that age and was cleaning pubs from 5am to pay my rent. And I’d stopped policing anything in my daughters life well before 16, he sounds quite infantilised. You sound like a really lovely parent but I say this kindly, let them grow up, nothing wrong with mentioning bad breath or BO gently to a teen once in a while ( although it’s unusual they are usually obsessed with hygiene and appearance) but you can’t tell them when to brush their teeth anymore than you can tell them what to wear at that age .

@BattleOfWills

I'm not sure how someone can brush their teeth in their room though - what happens to the spit or brush? No rinsing or spitting out?

He swallowed it. This is the first and probably last time he’s brushed them in his room.

Oh god! Teenagers though!🤢

No way is this real 😂