To wake a 16 year old to brush his teeth

[BattleOfWills]

Name changed as my ex’s wife might recognise this dilemma if DS mentions it to them.

My 16 year old has a habit of snuggling down on his bed in the evenings with a screen. He then often falls asleep. I remind him to brush his teeth when I kiss him goodnight on my way to read in bed at 9pm but he thinks that’s too early for tooth brushing so leaves it for later. Then dozes off.

When I go to brush my own teeth at 11 or 12 I often (once a week, maybe?) realise I haven’t heard his toothbrush and check it to find it dry. I then wake him to brush his teeth. Last night for the first time he flat refused to get up and we got into a battle of wills. He was wide awake but refused to get out of bed. Eventually he agreed to brush if I brought the brush to his bed.

Is it unreasonable to still be policing a 16 year old’s tooth brushing? And is it unreasonable that I’ve told him from now on I’m going to wait in his room until he brushes them at 9pm?

If it’s once a week I really wouldn’t be worrying about it.

Nothing wrong with a teen being in their room all the time. I used too, my eldest did. As long as he’s brushing his teeth daily is it such a battle. I would make sure he is actually doing it though. A PP said they do everything at once after dinner which is a great idea

YABVU. He's 16 not 6. If he doesn't have a girlfriend or boyfriend yet he soon will have, then you won't be able to get into the bathroom! Really he's old enough to know the consequences of not brushing, leave him alone.

I used to be really lazy about tooth brushing as a teen. Then one day a friend asked me why my breath stank at school. I got a lot better from then on! I am struggling to police my 9 year olds tooth brushing, I dont think I would bother at 16, he'll work it out soon enough.

My son would be livid if I touched his toothbrush to see if it was wet. He is 16 soon and has beautiful teeth, braces though and he knows to look after his teeth, they are brushed well but I don’t police it in the slightest.

He also spends the majority of time in his room, he comes down and eats with us but doesn’t spend much time with his little brothers. Not sure what else he’s supposed to do?...sit bored out of his brain watching kids tv or watching me do housework etc or sit upstairs and study or play games/chat to friends he goes out with friends and to the gym too.

I would.
They may be his teeth but it’s be the parent paying out to have them fixed

@roobicoobi

Why is your 16 year old spending all his time in bed?

Loads of teens sit on their bed in the evening, they like being in their bedrooms?

On the teeth issue - you advise him to do them before he gets comfy, then it doesn;t matter.

My (younger) child often falls asleep while reading so has started cleaning teeth earlier.

But at 16 - it is up to him.

Modern dental guidelines are not to rinse. The toothpaste stays on your teeth and that is good for them. If you use the recommended small amount you don’t need to spit.

@TheGumption

Yabu. This is basic life skill stuff. My 5 year old does it unprompted! He shouldn't need to be dragged out of bed to do it. Tell him once and let him deal with having rank teeth if he cba.

That’s the difference between a five year old and a teen, though… I think it’s quite common for teens to do this. Tell him. But don’t wake him up to make him do his teeth.

I would because 16 is still young really and if his teeth get ruined, you can't undo it.

@Miseryl

I would because 16 is still young really and if his teeth get ruined, you can't undo it.

This was my logic, but it doesn’t seem to be a popular view on this thread. The general consensus is that IABU so I will take that into account going forwards.

Oh my god. If my mum 'reminded' me to brush my teeth every fucking night when I was 16, it would have pissed me off big time.

He's not a baby. Leave him alone.

I get why people are saying leave him to it. But take it from someone whose parents stopped trying/didn’t care - he doesn’t truly understand the long term consequences and you can save him a lot of pain, hassle and money if you keep reminding him.

If you want to do it, then do.

I’ve decided I’m going to stick to what I told him last night and wait in his room while he brushes his teeth at 9.

I will do that for a week, then have a serious chat with him about how unpleasant fillings are/you only get one set of adult teeth etc etc. This will coincide with our booked trip to the dentist.

And then I’ll leave it up to him and hope the 9pm thing becomes a new habit. He went off without a word of complaint this evening.

My 16 year old is the same. During lockdown and now he's left school he's like a tramp. Brushing teeth, showering, wearing deodorant - he can't be arsed.

But he plays football twice a week and those days because he's seeing his mates that's the days he' jumps in the bath, washes his hair, scrubs his teeth etc.

Do I like it - Not really. Do I wish he would be more hygienic - of course. But they're teenagers, they grow out of these lazy habits

Loads of teens sit on their bed in the evening, they like being in their bedrooms?

Mine are a bit more active. Meet up with friends or boyfriends. Go for walks and cycle. Watch movies with us. We also watch a lot of sporting events as a family. Very rarely they will be found in their bed before 9pm.

I know teens like their rooms but it's quite depressing that a 16 year old is in bed before 9pm most nights.

You are not unreasonable in reminding a 16 year old - and telling them the consequences of not cleaning their teeth properly - and make a point that this is their responsibility from the start. If his teeth turn crap - he chose that

@roobicoobi

Loads of teens sit on their bed in the evening, they like being in their bedrooms?

Mine are a bit more active. Meet up with friends or boyfriends. Go for walks and cycle. Watch movies with us. We also watch a lot of sporting events as a family. Very rarely they will be found in their bed before 9pm.

I know teens like their rooms but it's quite depressing that a 16 year old is in bed before 9pm most nights.

He doesn’t see it as being ‘in bed’, he sees it as chilling in his favourite place. He does come out and watch stuff with me sometimes, but he always retreats to his room afterwards.

He can brush his teeth at any time during the evening, there is no law that says you have to do it just before you go to bed.
Current advice ( as a dentist) is you brush twice a day for a minimum of 2 mins. It is a cardinal sin to rinse after brushing since it washes all the toothpaste away. It’s the toothpaste that medicates and protects. Using a mouthwash, unless advised, is a total waste of money and if you insist on doing it rinse before brushing.
Finally get into the habit of flossing. This can be done at any time and anywhere. I do it while watching TV since I can spend as much time as is needed.

He doesn’t see it as being ‘in bed’, he sees it as chilling in his favourite place. He does come out and watch stuff with me sometimes, but he always retreats to his room afterwards.

In bed/in bed. Same thing. Does he never go out? I mean, is he ok? That's what I'm trying to get at. Is he ok or is the withdrawal from the world before 9pm and lack of hygiene indicative of a problem?

Oh and unless you have a 16yr old, particularly during Covid, you have no idea how important their bedroom has become. It is a sanctuary, essential for their mental health. I don’t think I would have coped being 24/7 for 18 months with both my parents and siblings.

@Angrymum22

Oh and unless you have a 16yr old, particularly during Covid, you have no idea how important their bedroom has become. It is a sanctuary, essential for their mental health. I don’t think I would have coped being 24/7 for 18 months with both my parents and siblings.

I have 2, which is why I commented. Neither has stopped going out for 18 months though. This has never been the rules?

Sorry 2 teens not 2 at 16

You're being ridiculous.