To wake a 16 year old to brush his teeth

[BattleOfWills]

Name changed as my ex’s wife might recognise this dilemma if DS mentions it to them.

My 16 year old has a habit of snuggling down on his bed in the evenings with a screen. He then often falls asleep. I remind him to brush his teeth when I kiss him goodnight on my way to read in bed at 9pm but he thinks that’s too early for tooth brushing so leaves it for later. Then dozes off.

When I go to brush my own teeth at 11 or 12 I often (once a week, maybe?) realise I haven’t heard his toothbrush and check it to find it dry. I then wake him to brush his teeth. Last night for the first time he flat refused to get up and we got into a battle of wills. He was wide awake but refused to get out of bed. Eventually he agreed to brush if I brought the brush to his bed.

Is it unreasonable to still be policing a 16 year old’s tooth brushing? And is it unreasonable that I’ve told him from now on I’m going to wait in his room until he brushes them at 9pm?

@roobicoobi

He doesn’t see it as being ‘in bed’, he sees it as chilling in his favourite place. He does come out and watch stuff with me sometimes, but he always retreats to his room afterwards.

In bed/in bed. Same thing. Does he never go out? I mean, is he ok? That's what I'm trying to get at. Is he ok or is the withdrawal from the world before 9pm and lack of hygiene indicative of a problem?

He’s ok. He’s not a very sociable person, doesn’t like to go out and see people face to face very often, but he’s often chatting to his friends in there or sending videos back and forth.

And he doesn’t lack hygiene, he just dozes off sometimes before he’s brushed his teeth. Big difference.

I wasn't trying to be accusatory, just offering a possible angle. I'm glad he is ok. I would still encourage teeth brushing but it can easily be before 9pm

OP YABVU he is 16

Does he brush his teeth in the morning as well? If so it's really not an issue.

😂😂😂 you’re crackers and ridiculously unreasonable. He’ll not be forgetting when he starts winching. And pretty sure his mates would let him
Know if he was minging

This has got to be a wind up! 😂😂😂

I have problems getting Ds2 to brush his. I just don't get how I've missed the instilling this basic skill into him.

He's nearly an adult so he knows what happens to his teeth if he doesn’t brush them, I can’t imagine getting into an argument or “battle of wills” about this. I’m a strong believer in picking your battles wisely.

Ah MN schrodingers children, both babies that can’t be left at 16 and also adults and you shouldn’t kiss them good night or tell them to brush your teeth.

OP I think it’s really important to impress on him the need to brush teeth before bed. Does he have an electric tooth brush? I’m not sure it’s worth turning into a huge battle but hell thank you for it later.

He could try brushing his teeth earlier in the evening, long before he dozes off, if that’s easier. An hour after having eaten? Suggest that.

I wouldn't wake him to brush them but if you're popping in to say goodnight at 9pm, just say you might as well brush your teeth now so you don't forget.

wait in his room while he brushes his teeth at 9
Poor lad, very controlling behaviour.
God help him when he fancies going out for a drink 🤣

@lemonsyellow

He could try brushing his teeth earlier in the evening, long before he dozes off, if that’s easier. An hour after having eaten? Suggest that.

This is what I’ve been suggesting for months. He isn’t keen.

@HerMammy

wait in his room while he brushes his teeth at 9 Poor lad, very controlling behaviour. God help him when he fancies going out for a drink 🤣

I’ve let him take cider to parties. I’m not that controlling, honest. I just worry about his teeth.

@Snoozer11

I'm shocked you go in to kiss him good night, I'm shocked you actually check to see if his toothbrush is wet and I'm even more shocked that you'd even consider this a problem when it happens once a week.

People fall asleep occasionally and don't brush their teeth. It happens.

You can't police this with a 16 year old and getting into a "battle of wills" over it is ridiculous.

Going to bed with brushing your teeth once a week is not going to cause anyone any harm.

This

I’ve let him take cider to parties. I’m not that controlling, honest. I just worry about his teeth.

🙄

I sometimes fall asleep (or am so knackered that I just think 'sod it' and fall into bed) without brushing my teeth.

Obviously I shouldn't have any teeth now, yet somehow I've got to my 60s with very healthy dentition.

Leave the kid alone. Checking his toothbrush at 16 is awful.

I would be reminding him at this age. And pointing out that very soon his dental care will no longer be free and telling him that if he doesn't look after his teeth he will be responsible for paying for it. Does he have fillings already? Does he know how unpleasant it is?

@YellowFish12

Ah MN schrodingers children, both babies that can’t be left at 16 and also adults and you shouldn’t kiss them good night or tell them to brush your teeth.

OP I think it’s really important to impress on him the need to brush teeth before bed. Does he have an electric tooth brush? I’m not sure it’s worth turning into a huge battle but hell thank you for it later.

Exactly! On Mumsnet everyone thinks 16 year olds are adults and you shouldn't have to do anything for them or take any parental interest in keeping them safe or setting boundaries. But you shouldn't leave a 9 year old in a car in case it spontaneously blows up 🙄. And you should NEVER stop cutting grapes for children. But you shouldn't try to stop your 16 year old doing anything dangerous because"they are practically an adult." Ffs

Nothing wrong with encouraging kids to brush their teeth. My 30 year old son has just left home, I always kissed him goodnight when he was here and he was fine with it. Some people are just being judgmental.

He’s 16 so free to be a smelly minger if he wants, I’m afraid.

Have one talk about the benefits of clean teeth. Tell him clearly that you won't be paying his dentist bills if he doesn't want to look after his teeth.

Then leave him to it.

His mates will be the first to tell him when his breath smells rancid. They won't hold back.

Yanbu. It’s nice you’re trying to look after his teeth, he’s being randomly rebellious.

Tell him either

• he brushes his teeth after dinner before screentime, or
• there will be no screentime

Also consider taking the screen away / changing the wifi code and not telling him the new one until he learns to look after his body.

Shocked by how many ppl telling you to leave him to it. I wouldn’t let my son go to skeep every night with dirty teeth and I wouldn’t let him shit in the bed either. Basic hygiene is not a personal choice.

@Skysblue you do realise the DS is 16 not 6?