To think a lie in doesn't count as my "me time"

[Kinsters]

I had a lie in this morning while DH got up with our daughter (7:30am so not unreasonably early and he was awake anyway). Later in the day I entertained her for an hour or so while DH played video games.

AIBU to think that these two are not equal? For context I do all the night wake ups for our daughter (blessedly a lot less now but I still find myself waking often) I am also tired because I'm pregnant hence the lie in.

We are not tit for tat about these things so it doesn't really matter, I'm just curious what others think.

I would say they’re the same

But I also think your husband should be doing more night wakenings and cut you some slack cos you’re carrying his offspring

I agree that they’re equivalent.

Why do you think it’s not equivalent? You chose to sleep during your “me” time and he chose to play computer games. If he’d gone for a nap would that not have counted “me” time?

There’s a separate discussion whether he should be doing more of the night wakings. Does he refuse to get up in the night?

They are the same in my opinion

We had a similar situation this morning. DS woke at 5.30am. We both got up initially but at 6.00am DH took him downstairs so I could try and get some sleep. 2 hours later I got up and said I'd give him the 2 hours back cause I was feeling much better - he didn't use it for anything exciting but it would've been perfectly reasonable to use it for gaming (or napping) so I do see them as equal.

Admittedly there's no way I'd be doing all the night wakings though. I did the Monday-Friday ones whilst on maternity leave but we've always shared weekends. Once I was back at work we just took it in turns each day.

For context I'm just over 6 months pregnant, so if I'd been really struggling this morning even after my lie-in then DH wouldn't have begrudged having to shoulder a greater % of childcare to allow me to rest. So in our house it's more than it's equal when it can be, but if it can't (if someone is unwell etc) then the other parent just has to get on with it.

I agree they're the same, you chose to sleep with your time and he chose something else. Though just seen you're pregnant, so actually in that specific scenario then you need extra sleep rather than chose it

Yes they are the same

I would say they are the same, as you both chose how to use your "me time" (although I can see why you would use yours to catch up on some sleep as a priority). If he had used his time to go for a sleep rather then play computer games would that have not counted as "me time"?

If you’re up in the night then it’s not the equivalent but when children are sleeping though then I’d see it as the same

I think they are the same.

It’s the same. I stay in bed late on a Saturday or Sunday, wake up late and read in bed. That’s my me time.

Me doing the night wakings works better for us.

I didn't exactly choose to sleep, I really rely on that extra hour due to the disturbed sleep and pregnancy. Those saying it's equivalent I assume you'd think the time I spend awake with DD at night while DH sleeps is his me time?

Why does everyone need so much “me time” nowadays? DS is only 12 but when he was little you just got on with life and did what needed to be done!

No way are they the same. Sleep is an essential for life. He gets his fill of sleep while you're on duty waking in the night. You got your fill of sleep while he was on duty this morning.

He then got an hour of fun me time, while you've had NO fun me time. Bollocks to that!!

Those saying it's equivalent I assume you'd think the time I spend awake with DD at night while DH sleeps is his me time?

Of course not. Night wakings are different. You were asking about a lie in vs an hour in the evening.

You should be negotiating a better split if that’s bothering you. It sounds like he needs to do more.

Under normal circumstances yes they are the same. But because you are doing night wakings the lie in is to compensate for that!! Disclaimer I always did the night wakings (worked better) but then I got the vast majority of lie ins (practically all except when my husband was ill or had a particularly bad run of early wakes). Now pregnant and I get a nap most afternoons, and he gets some me time as well at another time.

It's definitely not equivalent - it's you catching up on sleep you missed because you're the only one doing nights.

I think they are equivalent, but it all sounds very transactional. We don't keep tally.

I don’t think they are the same. Catching up on sleep due to night waking is essential (and rare) and you are pregnant. There would come a point where if you were still languishing in bed after an hour or whatever it would start to tip into consciously decided ‘me time’. Lie in is a lie in - you need it !

Having sufficient sleep is a necessity, Playing video games isn't. Also who normaly gets up first?

I think YANBU because you’re doing the night wakings. In my opinion the night wakings and the lie in cancel each other out.

If it weren’t for the night wakings I’d say they’re the same.

YABU; they’re the same.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, at all - particularly given you're up every night as well...

the time I spend awake with DD at night while DH sleeps is his me time

I think this is really relevant.. letting your exhausted, pregnant wife sleep in for an hour is just not the same as having an hour playing video games and am surprised at the responses on here, tbh.

It depends on whether your lie in was for you to have enough sleep (having been up at night), it whether it was additional free time where you chose a lie in and he has chosen a game

They're absolutely not the same in this situation. Ours is similar, because I'm up a lot in the night feeding DS, so I have an "extra" hour or so in bed at the weekend but I'm still down on sleep compared to DH. It's not me time, it's just trying to combat the chronic bloody exhaustion from not having had a full nights sleep in a year and a half.