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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP smoked weed - AIBU?

63 replies

unseignorial · 19/06/2021 12:32

I've nced for this.

Me and DP have been together for 2 years as we have a 6 month old together. Last year I found out he smoked weed occasionally and he knew i didn't like it and he agreed to stop especially as I was close to giving birth (he never smoked it around me though but I knew he was smoking it). We then moved in together and I gave birth.

Yesterday, his mum was babysitting and we met up with his friends (some are mine too but others I don't like but there was probably about 9/10 of us in total, we are also young so we are the only friends who have a baby).

We were talking to a few friends and he told me he'd be back in a minute so I assumed he was going to the toilet. He came back about 10-15 minutes later and he tried to kiss me, he smelt of weed and I asked him if he'd been smoking it, he said no and that he walked past his friends who were. I knew he was lying as he was acting strange and he then admitted he did. I didn't say anything then as I didn't want us to argue or anything.

I'm just angry at him especially as he knows I dont like him doing it and we were meant to spend time together not him disappearing to smoke weed! But aibu here?

OP posts:
Original poster
unseignorial · 19/06/2021 12:50

anyone?

OP posts:
DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 19/06/2021 12:51

I really wouldn't bother me.

spaceghett0 · 19/06/2021 12:53

It wouldn't bother me but the lying would. I assume he's lying because he knew you'd give him a hard time. Ultimately it's up to you to decide whether it's something you can cope with or not.

Teenagers2grownups0 · 19/06/2021 12:53

YANBU

Starlightstarbright1 · 19/06/2021 12:54

Yanbu..

The secrecy is making it worse.. He has a far bigger habbit than you know

misssunshine4040 · 19/06/2021 12:55

@Starlightstarbright1

Yanbu..

The secrecy is making it worse.. He has a far bigger habbit than you know

Bit of a leap?! He maybe denied it as he knows she hates it and was caught on the spot. Not cool at all but not indicative that he's a chronic smoker hiding some addiction behind her back
sunshineandshowers40 · 19/06/2021 12:56

Really wouldn't bother me. The lying would annoy me but if he had told you, it probably would have led to an argument.

insancerre · 19/06/2021 12:58

He lied because you are trying to control him
He’s an adult and gets to make his own decisions

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 19/06/2021 12:58

The secrecy is making it worse.. He has a far bigger habbit than you know

WHAT?!

Don't be utterly ridiculous.
My eyes rolled so hard at that comment they birthed out my ears.

peruse · 19/06/2021 12:58

I don’t like it either so I don’t smoke, but it wouldn’t bother me at all if DP did whilst out socialising.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 19/06/2021 13:04

I don't like it and have never smoked it but it wouldn't bother me.

He lied because he knew it would result in you being angry and an argument. You knew he used to smoke it occasionally, he obviously wants too sometimes and he's an adult and can make his own decisions. He didn't do it next to you or near a child so wouldn't bother me.

TheQueef · 19/06/2021 13:06

Was he supposed to stay sober?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/06/2021 13:08

The secrecy is making it worse.. He has a far bigger habbit than you know

That's a big leap. Given how much it stinks for a start its not a habit to easily hide.

ticktockriojaoclock · 19/06/2021 13:11

Couldn't get worked up about this really, you have to decide your own boundaries though OP. I can understand being upset about his lying to you, but I can understand why he did it if he thought you'd give him a hard time.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 19/06/2021 13:13

It wouldn’t bother me if it was occasionally however the lying would.

Grenlei · 19/06/2021 13:16

OP what's your objection to it? Is it the risks of smoking generally to health? Is it the cost? Or something else?

If he's only an occasional weed smoker it's likely not going to cost much, probably about the same as having a few beers over the course of a week, and if it is occasional/ low use he's not going to be stoned, it will be like he's had a couple of beers at most.

I do agree that as an adult he can and should make his own decisions. I think you can absolutely say no smoking around or when he has charge of the baby, quite right, but a night out without the baby is a little different.

TuesdayRuby · 19/06/2021 13:17

It wouldn’t bother me if my OH had the odd puff on a joint. It’s legal in loads of countries anyway.
Crazy how some people would be happy for their DH to be a drinker but a few joints and they’re all up in arms about it! Cannabis (not skunk) far less potent.

BeastforLease · 19/06/2021 13:19

It would bother me but that's because I have seen close friends spiral into very serious mental health problems from "occasional" weed usage, and I cannot tolerate people who lie to me.

spanielstail · 19/06/2021 13:19

The thing is you fell pregnant by a guy you had only known a year so you didn't really know him well. You are now stuck in a no win situation.

I wouldn't want a drug addict as a father for my child and husband to me.

YouShouldLeave · 19/06/2021 13:24

YANBU!

Weed is bad enough (wouldn’t personally want anything to do with someone like that), the lying about it makes it even worse.

Soontobe60 · 19/06/2021 13:27

@spanielstail

The thing is you fell pregnant by a guy you had only known a year so you didn't really know him well. You are now stuck in a no win situation.

I wouldn't want a drug addict as a father for my child and husband to me.

What if he were drinking a couple of pints every now and then? Would you call him an alcoholic? The odd puff of weed does not a drug addict make 🤣
Soontobe60 · 19/06/2021 13:27

@YouShouldLeave

YANBU!

Weed is bad enough (wouldn’t personally want anything to do with someone like that), the lying about it makes it even worse.

Why is it ‘bad enough’ and why wouldn’t you want to have anything to do with someone who smoked it? Do you drink alcohol?
Original poster
unseignorial · 19/06/2021 13:28

I'm not trying to control him. I'm just annoyed because he lied and because it was the first time we went out alone without baby so I thought we'd spend time together instead of him going to smoke weed! I also didn't force him to stop before, I just told him I didn't like it and he agreed to stop.

OP posts:
newnortherner111 · 19/06/2021 13:34

Think of the supply chain and who is harmed as a result. It is not a victimless crime.

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