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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP smoked weed - AIBU?

63 replies

unseignorial · 19/06/2021 12:32

I've nced for this.

Me and DP have been together for 2 years as we have a 6 month old together. Last year I found out he smoked weed occasionally and he knew i didn't like it and he agreed to stop especially as I was close to giving birth (he never smoked it around me though but I knew he was smoking it). We then moved in together and I gave birth.

Yesterday, his mum was babysitting and we met up with his friends (some are mine too but others I don't like but there was probably about 9/10 of us in total, we are also young so we are the only friends who have a baby).

We were talking to a few friends and he told me he'd be back in a minute so I assumed he was going to the toilet. He came back about 10-15 minutes later and he tried to kiss me, he smelt of weed and I asked him if he'd been smoking it, he said no and that he walked past his friends who were. I knew he was lying as he was acting strange and he then admitted he did. I didn't say anything then as I didn't want us to argue or anything.

I'm just angry at him especially as he knows I dont like him doing it and we were meant to spend time together not him disappearing to smoke weed! But aibu here?

OP posts:
Original poster
unseignorial · 19/06/2021 13:59

I knew him for about 3 years before we got together. I also don't think he smokes it without me knowing. I didn't want to argue with him either so he could've just said yes, as I've not even said anything about it to him now I know.

OP posts:
Posieandpip · 19/06/2021 14:10

Occasional puff of a joint when with friends wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Hardly crime of the century.

NC276 · 19/06/2021 14:17

The smoking a joint whilst seeing friends really wouldn't bother me. And he was only gone 10-15 minutes. The lying would piss me off but he was caught out, lied because he knew you'd be pissed and then (I'm guessing quite quickly) fessed up. Not saying that's an excuse for lying but I can understand why he wasn't immediately honest.

Bizawit · 19/06/2021 14:17

I think you are being a bit uptight and controlling tbh. He should be lying about it, but then he probably felt he had to because you would make an issue of it. It would be different if he were wasted all the time and it was affecting you and baby, but the occasional smoke when out with friends doesn’t sound like a big deal. I think you need to relax a bit and not try to control what he does and doesn’t do in his down time.

Bizawit · 19/06/2021 14:17

*shouldn’t be lying

Thisisworsethananticpated · 19/06/2021 14:25

It wouldn’t bother me either
The odd spliff to be honest

Is he lying because he design want to piss you off ?

YouShouldLeave · 19/06/2021 14:31

I don’t think it’s controling to dislike partner’s habit.

But,op, now you kind of have to (re)think if you want to be with a partner/your child’s parent who does smoke weed.
Now you know he won’t quit.
Just go behind your back and lie about it.

BritWifeInUSA · 19/06/2021 15:01

Is it just the smell you don’t like? You could suggest edibles to him. I much prefer them as there is no smell and no smoke.

The lying would concern me. I’d be wondering what else he’s lying about.

Original poster
unseignorial · 19/06/2021 15:07

I don't know why he lied. I haven't made an issue out of it and I'm not trying to control him. I am annoyed, but he doesn't know that. He's also a good dad to DS.

OP posts:
zukiecat · 19/06/2021 15:14

I would hate it OP

If I was in a relationship with someone who smoked cannabis (or cigarettes) then I would very quickly end the relationship. I cannot abide the smell or the morals of anyone who takes any kind of drug.

ErickBroch · 19/06/2021 15:17

The lying is annoying - you should have an open discussion with him. Explain why you don't want him to smoke at social gatherings and what he says? Personally, at gatherings/parties etc. it is no bother to me. But I fully understand not wanting him stoned day-to-day at home if that's the case.

Bizawit · 19/06/2021 15:40

@unseignorial

I don't know why he lied. I haven't made an issue out of it and I'm not trying to control him. I am annoyed, but he doesn't know that. He's also a good dad to DS.
He lied because you made him promise he would stop and he knew you would be annoyed , but he wanted to do it anyway.
Lokdok · 19/06/2021 15:48

YABU. It’s weed, so what? It would evoke the same reaction from me if he’d had a cigarette. That it’s gross and unhealthy but as a now and again thing is no issue. You don’t have to like it, but he’s an adult (presumably).

MorriseysGladioli · 19/06/2021 15:52

I'd rather an occasional smoker than a regular drinker as a partner.

Tlollj · 19/06/2021 15:55

Deal breaker for me. I wouldn’t go out with a man who smokes ordinary cigarettes let alone weed.

Morgan12 · 19/06/2021 16:01

So you child is being babysat my their loving grandma. You both go out to meet friends and your partner smokes some weed.

Get. A. Grip.

Original poster
unseignorial · 19/06/2021 16:01

It's not just the smell I don't like, I just don't like him smoking it especially now we have DS.

I know I cant stop him though but I wanted us to spend time together yesterday but then he smoked it.

I didn't make him promise to stop either he just told me he would, I didn't say he had too.

OP posts:
MorriseysGladioli · 19/06/2021 16:02

How long out of your time together did he disappear for?

Soontobe60 · 19/06/2021 16:03

@zukiecat

I would hate it OP

If I was in a relationship with someone who smoked cannabis (or cigarettes) then I would very quickly end the relationship. I cannot abide the smell or the morals of anyone who takes any kind of drug.

Do you drink alcohol? Take paracetamol? Give your child Calpol?
bloodyhell19 · 19/06/2021 16:04

It doesn't really matter if anyone else has a problem with it OP - we're strangers on the internet. But he's your DP and he 1) knew you didn't like it and 2) has lied about it and knew he had to lie about it. If that doesn't match up with what you want in a partner and this is going to be an ongoing thing, then I'd be rethinking the relationship.

Soontobe60 · 19/06/2021 16:05

@unseignorial

It's not just the smell I don't like, I just don't like him smoking it especially now we have DS.

I know I cant stop him though but I wanted us to spend time together yesterday but then he smoked it.

I didn't make him promise to stop either he just told me he would, I didn't say he had too.

Why do you not like him smoking it? Think about the reasons logically. How would you feel if he said he didn’t want you drinking alcohol?
Tirediam · 19/06/2021 16:08

Yes I’d be fuming because its rank and chavvy as fuck.

Ijustknowitstimetogo · 19/06/2021 16:10

Occasional puff of a joint when with friends wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Hardly crime of the century.

Completely agree. Occasional party puff is ok. But if he was wanting to do it every day or in the house/ garden then not ok.

GettingUntrapped · 19/06/2021 16:12

He just wanted to chill out a bit with the weed. It's good medicine sometimes.
I don't agree that it's the bad drug it's often made out to be.

Notimeforaname · 19/06/2021 16:13

Wouldnt bother me at all. I grow my own .
The lying is the problem here. He should not have told you something just to please you,if he had no intention of following through.

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