DP - Abusive what’s apps

[Blueskies222]

Hi all,

I’ve name changed for this as it’s outing.

I know it’s late/early I just cannot sleep with this on my mind.

I have a DP, 31 years old, in January of this year I asked him to leave as he was shouting at me in front of the children. We remained together (or so I thought) but I told him we cannot live under the same roof until he got some help (he did speak to someone who diagnosed severe anxiety disorder and depression but never bothered to complete the programme offered to identify best treatment).

Fast forward to recently, he had been in a bad mood all day on Wednesday and was coming to see the children that evening after work. I was still working and was on the phone when he knocked the door. The what’s app attached is how he spoke to me.

On Thursday I also found out that he had been messaging 19-year-olds on social media, and commenting 😍 under pictures. I don’t have social media and only just found this out so could have been going on for a while. When confronted he told me we wasn’t together and he doesn’t care if I saw anything. I think he was more concerned that I had “caught him out”.

I know right from wrong, I know that the way he is speaking to me is wrong but when you are in the middle of it all it’s hard to see the wood through the trees. Especially when you are 36 weeks pregnant.

I need some firm words here from you all.

OP reading those messages actually made me feel anxious.

I mean all this kindly but you asked for firm words. Ive was in an abusive relationship when I was in my 20s for 6 years.

The tone of those messages are disgusting. This man has absolutely no respect for you. Yet you're letting him in your home (safe space) when ever he feels like it. Why is your bar set so low. This behaviour from him wont be a new thing so why did you have another baby to him? You have to start taking responsibility for your own actions here too.

This man has shouted at you in front of your kids to the point you asked him to leave, yet he hasn't really left has he? What message do you think your kids will be getting from that.

You give him so much importance, why? He is vile. Why do you think you deserve this? AND why is the door actually still ajar for him to come with you?

He is not going to stop treating you like this until YOU stop allowing it. He if sends you ANY abusive messages DONT even engage.

Wake up OP.

And yes, his use of language is embarrassing. What a dick.

@Scrambledcustard

OP reading those messages actually made me feel anxious.

I mean all this kindly but you asked for firm words. Ive was in an abusive relationship when I was in my 20s for 6 years.

The tone of those messages are disgusting. This man has absolutely no respect for you. Yet you're letting him in your home (safe space) when ever he feels like it. Why is your bar set so low. This behaviour from him wont be a new thing so why did you have another baby to him? You have to start taking responsibility for your own actions here too.

This man has shouted at you in front of your kids to the point you asked him to leave, yet he hasn't really left has he? What message do you think your kids will be getting from that.

You give him so much importance, why? He is vile. Why do you think you deserve this? AND why is the door actually still ajar for him to come with you?

He is not going to stop treating you like this until YOU stop allowing it. He if sends you ANY abusive messages DONT even engage.

Wake up OP.

Thank you for your reply. I’ve actually followed most of your advice already.

@Scrambledcustard

And yes, his use of language is embarrassing. What a dick.

Yes, it is extremely embarrassing!

I'd speak to the police and send them any threatening messages.

I'd block him on my phone and only allow him email contact only about the kids (and preferably via a friend who can weed out anything abusive).

I'd not engaged with him again.

He sounds like a 13 Yr old child and you (and your children) are better off with put him. Get some support

What does kmt mean?

He sounds like a teenage wannabe gangster. It worries me that people like this reproduce, no offence meant to you OP.

@roarfeckingroarr

What does kmt mean?

He sounds like a teenage wannabe gangster. It worries me that people like this reproduce, no offence meant to you OP.

Kmt meaning below (I know it’s a noise but this will explain it better than I can)

An acronym of Kiss My Teeth. Basically, when you dissaprove of someone, or you want to show your dislike of them, you sort of put your tongue over your front teeth and make a little kissing noise (whilst giving them a dirty look). So writing KMT is telling the person that you don't like them.

No offence taken!

He is 31!? What sort of 31 year old writes like that? Op you can do better. You don’t need to take his abuse.

If you move, he will have to come to see the children. It would be a kindness to identify suitable places he can take them. Do you think he’ll bother?

I’d argue they’re too young to be travelling back to him regularly so I wouldn’t agree to that.

What grown ass man types “kmt” ?? Haven’t seen that since I was a teen.
He is a pathetic, bullying loser and I’m so glad you aren’t living with him but the messages are worrying and if they escalate anymore I’d be considering the police.

I would speak with the police about thise messages. Also that you are moving and scared he will try stay over when he comes to see the baba.

They'll have a word with him about those messages and hopefully warn him that he needs to leave you alone and cant come into your home anymore.

Never meet him in your house anymore. And get yourself one of those rape alarms incase he wont leave you alone or tries to follow you home in public.

Kmt meaning below (I know it’s a noise but this will explain it better than I can)

An acronym of Kiss My Teeth. Basically, when you dissaprove of someone, or you want to show your dislike of them, you sort of put your tongue over your front teeth and make a little kissing noise (whilst giving them a dirty look). So writing KMT is telling the person that you don't like them

I'm literally cringing at that.

Its about time you put a stop to egis shit OP. Move and don't allow him to come. Don't let him in the house have set times he can pick the kids up. If he doesn't like it let him take you to court - which I doubt he will do.

OP don't let him in the house anymore. And save all the messages for court.

There are really people in their 30s that still talk like this?

OP, raise the bar...

Ugh. You are much better off without him. He is repulsive. Keep all messages but disengage. Everything can be done officially. Child maintenance, contact orders etc. Is there a third party communication can go through?

Stop replying to his messages when he’s just being rude and abusive
I hope you’re clear with him that you’ve broken up now and that you’re not even considering getting back together

Considering you are moving away, if I could afford to raise the kid without money from him I think I'd tell him it wasn't his baby. Either way I'd think twice before putting his name on the birth certificate. What are his parents like? Would they be good grandparents?

@Georgina125

Ugh. You are much better off without him. He is repulsive. Keep all messages but disengage. Everything can be done officially. Child maintenance, contact orders etc. Is there a third party communication can go through?

I offered to pay for mediation and I got this abuse back. (Attached)

I’m really worried about how I will juggle him seeing children without being in my house. He blames me for everything including his behaviour and he is constantly telling me how I like to use “power” against him in regard to children.

If this went to court etc would he get very far?

Sorry don’t think it attached

Get very far in what way?
Oh do you have other kids with him not just the one on the way?

He wont get custody if that's what you mean.

But I would get the ball rolling by reporting his threats incase in future you find you maybe only want him to have limited access.

He is a bully and the only things that can work against his kind, is when you can show you are not slow to call the police. That you have backup.

He talks like a teenage gangster wannabe. His texts give me a headache. Fuck this piece of shit and move on. Easier said than done but what does he bring to your life?
Tosser

@Umberellatheweatha

Get very far in what way? Oh do you have other kids with him not just the one on the way?

He wont get custody if that's what you mean.

But I would get the ball rolling by reporting his threats incase in future you find you maybe only want him to have limited access.

He is a bully and the only things that can work against his kind, is when you can show you are not slow to call the police. That you have backup.

I have more than one child with him.

Yes, I mean would he get custody. I don’t know much about these things. I’m worried he try as he is always saying thing like “I’m coming for my daughters”, “you think you can take my daughters”

Those messages are just him trying to mess with your head and intimidate you too. He is so abusive. I'd stop messaging him and replying to him entirely. Theres nothing else to be said to him until after the baby is born. Then you can get a professional body to contact him regarding childcare and visit arrangements.

Tell him theres nothing more to be said for now. If he shows up at your house after you stop messaging (or harasses you in any way) call the police. Enough is enough op. No one gets to speak to you like that.

I thought the tone of some of those messages was very disturbing. If he's messaging you like that I'd be worried he could turn violent.

And keep your doors locked (if he has a key, change your locks).

Sorry but what do those messages even mean? Is English his second language? Block, delete and report.