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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD skirt length

54 replies

glassfloor · 17/06/2021 18:25

We've had another message from DD (15) school about her skirt being too short. Normally I'd be a bit peevish about them policing girls' clothing and sexualising them etc BUT the fact remains that the skirt was VERY short. About 3 inches below her bum. You couldn't see her knickers when walking but a gust of wind/ flight of stairs/ bending down was all a bit risky.

So I suggested that she wear it longer. She's seething. Am I really an agent of the patriarchy or are there some clothing choices that you just shouldn't make for school?

I could really do with something better than, "it's school rules." The girls have recently challenged quite a few outmoded and archaic uniform decisions (eg not letting them wear trousers, making them wear tracksuit bottoms over skorts instead of leggings etc) and she sees it as an extension of this.

But the skirt was really really short. Tiny.

And it is a mixed sex school and teenage boys will look and frankly when all that bare leg is on display I'm a bit sympathetic to them. DD is pretty and frankly most teenage boys need very little to distract them.

So am I colluding in crushing her spirit and siding with the Man or should she just grow up and accept it's a rule and just wear a skirt a few inches above the knee?

OP posts:
ChloeCrocodile · 17/06/2021 18:45

So am I colluding in crushing her spirit and siding with the Man or should she just grow up and accept it's a rule and just wear a skirt a few inches above the knee?

Both tbh.

The school have to set a rule because it isn't okay to be flashing underwear or bums in school (or most other workplaces). Schools need a clear rule which is easy to monitor and enforce. Insisting on a "knee length" skirt is clear and easy to enforce. Anything shorter or pointing out that knickers are on show and teachers (male ones in particular) get "why were you looking?! Ewww PERV".

It should have absolutely nothing to do with the boys though. They are responsible for their own behaviour and attention levels.

Wolfiefan · 17/06/2021 18:50

School is a place of work. Students are supposed to dress appropriately. The same way people don’t go into an office dressed in a bikini or shirtless. It’s about the right clothing for the situation. Not about the opposite sex.

Kanitawa · 17/06/2021 18:52

What an odd question. Of course you should teach your daughter to respect school rules and dress appropriately.

Sillawithans · 17/06/2021 18:55

It's a school rule she has to follow same as the other rules, it's that simple.

Said kindly.

StoneofDestiny · 17/06/2021 18:57

There is another thread on here about school skirt length.

School isn't sexualising the girls. It's about appropriate and decent standards of dress in the workplace.

StoneofDestiny · 17/06/2021 18:58

and siding with the Man

Crikey

LilyinWonderland · 17/06/2021 18:59

You tell your child to follow school policy.

ButItRingsAndIRise · 17/06/2021 19:07

From the other thread on this topic

“ I don't particularly enjoy seeing teenage girls' inner thighs and gussets when they sit down/their arse cheeks when they go upstairs either. Sometimes I see even more than that, not because I'm looking with malevolent intent but because it's in my line of sight, I can't work blindfolded and frankly, it's all out on display for anybody to see anyhow.

If I chose to deliberately shorten my clothes so that was what everybody saw at work, neither they nor their parents would appreciate it.”

And

“ I'm female and work in a school and the girls in short skirts make me feel uncomfortable.

They're so short I see one of their bums every single day and these are children. I don't want to see the bums of children and girls wearing skirts so short that if you walk behind them up the stairs you can see up.

I feel like the boys uniforms present them as smart preparing for the work place (one argument made for a smart uniform) and the girls does them a disservice because mini skirts so short you can see bum cheeks every day isn't good enough. The women working there wouldn't be allowed to wear them so why are our girls seen as less important?

I'm always a bit confused when people stick up for girls wearing tiny skirts, it just seems like an obvious way girls are sexualised from a young age”

“ I’m all for not victim blaming but some of the skirts I see around here on secondary school girls are indecent and completely inappropriate for school. I reckon if it’s too short to wear to a workplace then it’s too short for school.”

GertietheGherkin · 17/06/2021 19:15

Your always best to support the School when it comes to skirt lengths, or any uniform issues tbh. It is a place of learning. It's not a fashion house.
My daughter's school were very strict on skirt lengths. They had it on a strict uniform from specialist shop, and they got around the skirt lengths perfectly by saying skirts were to be 6 inches from the ankle. They were pleated too. They all looked very smart when they came out. No skimming the buttocks to be seen 😮

GertietheGherkin · 17/06/2021 19:15

You're 😩

Kanitawa · 17/06/2021 19:17

In my late teens I got sacked from a job because my skirt was too short. No warning - just sacked. Professional standards of dress are important to understand. I know my current employer has turned down applicants for no reason other than they wore unprofessional (overly revealing) clothing to the interview. This is a good life lesson tbh.

Bluntness100 · 17/06/2021 19:20

I think honestly you need to teach her school is a place of work and she needs to respect both herself, her teachers and the establishment and dress appropriately. She can dress in really short skirts any other time if that’s her bag.

Unanananana · 17/06/2021 19:22

@Wolfiefan

School is a place of work. Students are supposed to dress appropriately. The same way people don’t go into an office dressed in a bikini or shirtless. It’s about the right clothing for the situation. Not about the opposite sex.
This exactly.

I also agree with a pp about teachers enforcing this and being called perverts which will happen if her backside is on display. They can't really win that one.

She needs to wear the correct uniform. My 12 yr old DD goes to a school with a strict uniform policy. The girls who wear skirts always look smart as they are logoed and pleated and therefore cannot be rolled up to flash their bits.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 17/06/2021 19:23

She needs to toe the line when it comes to the dress code. It exists, she needs to comply. A sensible approach would be campaigning for rule changes. Not blindly ignoring them as some form of monir rebellion.

However, I'd be asking the school what they are doing to punish her behaviour. Why is it for you to punish her when it's happening at school?

I'd reply "I make sure that dd leaves for school appropriately kitted out according to the rules. I would expect any rule breaking done by her on school property to be handled by school. You have my full support to utilise detentions for example, in tackling any rule breaking while she is in your care".

MsMarple · 17/06/2021 19:24

She needs to dress appropriately for the setting she is in. It’s not sexist, just basic respect for herself and others. If a boy turned up in tiny shorts and a vest top I’m sure they’d have an issue with him too!

Original poster
glassfloor · 17/06/2021 20:03

The thing is I am insisting that it's worn longer. It's DD who's all patriarchy blag blah. However I've read a lot of stuff recently that talks about how the insistence of schools on appropriate skirt length is sexualising girls. Dd and all her friends have also read this and jumped all over it as a valid reason not to adhere to the rules.

However I think that there's a big difference between making girls kneel to check skirt length and the lengths of the skirts worn by DD and her friends.

Some good stuff here to help me with the discussion.

Sorry- didn't realise there was another thread!

OP posts:
MrsTulipTattsyrup · 17/06/2021 20:04

I don’t want to see anyone’s pants when I’m out and about. That goes for a girl’s under a too-short skirt, or a boy’s when he lets his trousers hang somewhere round the bottom of his arse. I don’t suppose school lets the boys dress like that, so the same should go for the girls. It certainly wouldn’t be tolerated in a workplace.

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 17/06/2021 20:05

@glassfloor

The thing is I am insisting that it's worn longer. It's DD who's all patriarchy blag blah. However I've read a lot of stuff recently that talks about how the insistence of schools on appropriate skirt length is sexualising girls. Dd and all her friends have also read this and jumped all over it as a valid reason not to adhere to the rules. However I think that there's a big difference between making girls kneel to check skirt length and the lengths of the skirts worn by DD and her friends. Some good stuff here to help me with the discussion. Sorry- didn't realise there was another thread!
Have you asked her why she likes wearing her skirt this short? The answer is surely that she feels she looks more attractive that way. In which case her patriarchy blah blah is all just an excuse. Try asking?
Original poster
glassfloor · 17/06/2021 20:09

Have you asked her why she likes wearing her skirt this short? The answer is surely that she feels she looks more attractive that way. In which case her patriarchy blah blah is all just an excuse. Try asking?

I have done and am very much the bad guy for daring to suggest she does it for male attention. Apparently she feels her legs are stumpy and short skirts look better. But better for whom? I can't get an answer as to why she does it.

OP posts:
Elieza · 17/06/2021 20:28

She has to learn to follow rules. And if the rules are unfair to fight them for the good of all, not just ignore them and do what she wants.

She wouldn’t be allowed to walk about in an office like that so she best learn the lesson now.

LesLavandes · 17/06/2021 20:30

Het your daughter a skirt that fits modestly. You should not have to ask on here !

newnortherner111 · 17/06/2021 20:33

Teenage boys should learn not to gawp and any clothing decisions for a school should not be based on this.

Appropriate clothing for a time and place is reasonable. Which includes trousers if wished in my opinion.

traumatisednoodle · 17/06/2021 20:34

We had this conversation this morning (me Dd 14, DS 17) in the end we agreed it was to adhere to societal expectations.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/06/2021 20:42

Ask her how she'd feel is old Mrs Jones wore a skirt that short for scho or Mr Peters started wearing a mankini because they thought it made them feel good

pointythings · 17/06/2021 21:06

If the school doesn't allow girls to wear trousers, that is a genuine problem. Utterly sexist.