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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD skirt length

54 replies

glassfloor · 17/06/2021 18:25

We've had another message from DD (15) school about her skirt being too short. Normally I'd be a bit peevish about them policing girls' clothing and sexualising them etc BUT the fact remains that the skirt was VERY short. About 3 inches below her bum. You couldn't see her knickers when walking but a gust of wind/ flight of stairs/ bending down was all a bit risky.

So I suggested that she wear it longer. She's seething. Am I really an agent of the patriarchy or are there some clothing choices that you just shouldn't make for school?

I could really do with something better than, "it's school rules." The girls have recently challenged quite a few outmoded and archaic uniform decisions (eg not letting them wear trousers, making them wear tracksuit bottoms over skorts instead of leggings etc) and she sees it as an extension of this.

But the skirt was really really short. Tiny.

And it is a mixed sex school and teenage boys will look and frankly when all that bare leg is on display I'm a bit sympathetic to them. DD is pretty and frankly most teenage boys need very little to distract them.

So am I colluding in crushing her spirit and siding with the Man or should she just grow up and accept it's a rule and just wear a skirt a few inches above the knee?

OP posts:
woulducouldushouldu · 17/06/2021 23:33

Go out this weekend and buy her a skirt that is the right length. Bin the short one. If she rolls up the skirt then school can discipline her. As they say "you do the crime you do the time". It's up to her. You have done your bit and it's now all on her

zarasmith2 · 08/02/2022 22:18

how do i stop my 15yo rolling her school skirt she has it so short that shes nearly showing her underwear she usually wears pe knickers underneath
the school are strict about unidorm skirts no shorter than 2 inches above the knee she refuses to wear trousers

StoneofDestiny · 08/02/2022 22:20

Zombie thread

Furbulousnous · 08/02/2022 22:27

It’s not the patriarchy, no-one wants to be in a schoolOr work setting with someone who’s clothing barely covers their arse! Male or female.
Tell her to save it for the beach and tell her to
Pick her battles. FFs.

Georgeskitchen · 08/02/2022 22:41

Seeeing the (lack of) length of teenage girls skirts has led me to believe on occasions that said girls have actually forgotten to put on a skirt . Some of them.were literally shorter than their blazers!!
And as for teaching teenage boys not to gawp, they are teenage boys, they have done that since teenage boys were invented so don't expect them to stop now

sharksarecool · 08/02/2022 22:47

The patriarchy had truly won if it has convinced teenaged girls (and their parents!) that NOT being allowed to wear skirts up to their arse is objectification. What utter nonsense and flawed logic.

Why do you think it is that the men arent clamouring for the right to wear tiny PE shorts or strapless tops to school/work? Does it not occur to you that the patriarchy is the driving force behind the fashion industry that lead your daughter to want to wear revealing clothing?

Here's where you've gone wrong:
Women SHOULD be able to walk the streets in a short skirt without being raped/assaulted/catcalled.
BUT that doesn't mean short skirts are appropriate all the time or that women should give no thought to who sees their arse and cleavage.

MrsGatsby99 · 09/02/2022 05:41

@sharksarecool
Exactly. 👌👌 very flawed logic if the argument is that not being allowed to wear a tiny skirt just covering bum cheeks is an example of objectification. I have spent the last decade teaching sixth form students about feminism amongst other issues and I still think they should respect a school dress code, just as I respect my work dress code. But it doesn’t always work like that in reality, teenage rebellion, they may also think it’s part of being ‘liberated’.

DropYourSword · 09/02/2022 05:49

And it is a mixed sex school and teenage boys will look and frankly when all that bare leg is on display I'm a bit sympathetic to them. DD is pretty and frankly most teenage boys need very little to distract them.

Sorry, but this is totally irrelevant and not why uniform rules should apply.

It shouldn't be seen as a "protect the boys from distraction" thing. Single sex schools still have uniform rules.

They're in school, not a fashion show. They should be wearing a uniform that looks "professional" sorry, can't think of a better word here and presentable. She can display all the leg she wants on a weekend when not in uniform. But reasonable uniform rules apply.

Soontobe60 · 09/02/2022 06:12

@glassfloor

Have you asked her why she likes wearing her skirt this short? The answer is surely that she feels she looks more attractive that way. In which case her patriarchy blah blah is all just an excuse. Try asking?

I have done and am very much the bad guy for daring to suggest she does it for male attention. Apparently she feels her legs are stumpy and short skirts look better. But better for whom? I can't get an answer as to why she does it.

So she is doing it to fit in with her idea of what looks attractive and what doesn’t. Long legs - good, short legs - bad. Tell her that what she is doing is a direct result of patriarchy and that in order to smash it, she shouldn’t comply with ridiculous man-made ideas of what a female should look like. That is the very antithesis of feminism.
oakleaffy · 09/02/2022 06:25

@glassfloor I'd say clearly loves having her backside showing...
so much for ''Patriarchy''.

No one wears a very short skirt unless they like getting gawked at and whistled at.
It's obviously for attention!
Nothing more, nothing less.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/02/2022 06:25

@zarasmith2

how do i stop my 15yo rolling her school skirt she has it so short that shes nearly showing her underwear she usually wears pe knickers underneath the school are strict about unidorm skirts no shorter than 2 inches above the knee she refuses to wear trousers
You would do better to start your own thread on the subject. You could contact the school and ask them to intervene? Sadly our kids think they know it all.

My dd isn’t going to be like me apparently and doesn’t care that she’s potentially ruining her eyelashes by wearing falsies so often… because apparently when she gets to her 50s (ie my age) she will obviously be wearing false ones daily or have regular lash extensions. 🙄

Grida · 09/02/2022 06:41

Ask her if she would find it appropriate if her dad wore a pair of bottom skimming shorts to work.

Grida · 09/02/2022 06:46

I also don’t know why you are worrying about the attention span of the poor teenage boys. Research shows that boys are far more more likely to be disruptive and distracting in the classroom than girls are. They are far more likely to be messing up your daughter’s education than the other way round.

Thomasina79 · 09/02/2022 06:47

I have work clothes and at home clothes.my work clothes are much more conventional and low key because that is what is expected. Home clothes are up to me and no one else’s business. We all have to fit in whether we like it or not. I work in the NHS in primary care and a couple of girls have been sacked because they did not adhere to the work place dress code (low tops, ripped jeans). New employees were given written guidance when they joined about appropriate work clothes.

Your daughter will find out when she leaves school what is expected if she does not find out now. Better now I think! Why not show her the replies on here?

FindingMeno · 09/02/2022 06:48

I let my dd's make their own choices and fight their own battles.
By the time they're at they age they start rolling their skirts up, they have made a choice and need to take responsibility for that choice and fight their own corner.
I tell the school its their rules not mine.

ElftonWednesday · 09/02/2022 06:50

All we can do is see that the garment itself is the right length. Not a lot you can do if she turns it up on the waist, that's between DD and the school.

FindingMeno · 09/02/2022 06:53

The argument often presented to me is that at work they get a paycheck as an incentive to follow dress code, but at school they have no choice to go and aren't paid.

Ploppingperp06 · 09/02/2022 06:55

@sharksarecool

Or maybe all this talk of “patriarchy” is just a convenient belief for the daughter to have so she can do whatever the f she wants in any situation and excuse it this way. Her and her friends are brats - it’s that simple.

The school of the Mother should punish her and not listen to her bull.

Ploppingperp06 · 09/02/2022 06:56

*school or the mother

Sxxyfing · 09/02/2022 06:59

Why aren't the girls allowed to wear trousers?!

Ploppingperp06 · 09/02/2022 07:00

@Soontobe60

Maybe looking good to her is more important than “smashing the patriarchy”? What then?
Certainly seems to be about true for many. This just seems like wanting to have you cake and eat it.

Personally I’m fine with short skirts at school but it’s the girls insistence that she be able to set the school rules which is absurd and enabled by this kind of twitter feminism. Don’t get me wrong a boy would absolutely try to violate the dress code as well - but when they were called out or punished for it they wouldn’t then turn it into a social crusade in their minds.

This teenage girl is making an arse of herself.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 09/02/2022 07:01

On a lighter note, last week one of the “rolled up so high I can see everything” brigade was walking in front of me, empty corridor. I spoke to her, “your skirt....” oh my that unleashed hell, almost called me a perve, shouldn’t be looking etc. “Ok, just thought you’d want to know it’s tucked in your tights” She’s been incredibly nice to me since.
I tend to remind them that rolling it up creates a lump round their waist.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 09/02/2022 07:06

But surely teen girls flash their arses to make teen boys gawp?
I am now on my third teen daughter. She is tall and skinny. I had to do special order to get one made knee length. If she adjusts it, not a lot to be done but it's a sensible rule.

DedalusBloom · 09/02/2022 07:55

Dressing for the male gaze is so absolutely entrenched in our society that it's very difficult to unpick the threads of how that manifests itself.
Your DD may think she's not doing it for the attention of the boys at school, and to make her legs look longer but it's still in comparison to models/Instagram: her friends who I can assure you ARE doing it to attract male attention
I feel for you, OP. It's very difficult to live a life free of internalised misogyny.

MrsGatsby99 · 09/02/2022 15:00

FindingMeno

The argument often presented to me is that at work they get a paycheck as an incentive to follow dress code, but at school they have no choice to go and aren't paid.

I have been told this too but it’s flawed logic. The incentive for going to school is to get an education. Why should they get paid for that?? It’s so entitled. Dress code is just part of following norms and rules. Even in countries where the schools don’t have uniform, they must have dress codes. Some teens don’t want to conform which I can sympathise with but then they have to face the consequences of their choices.

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