To think instead of raising the legal age we should do this instead

[Marriageisspecial]

There is a private member’s bill going through the commons to raise the legal age to get married from 16 to 18. I currently know two school leavers who have just ‘sat’ (different with covid) their GCSEs who are planning on getting married they are both the same age and they live together ect. I know another 16 year old who is starting an apprenticeship in September and will be earning £12,500 per year. I do also understand the concern over coercion and being married off to much older men. However there are also young couples who may want to get married also situations if one has a terminal illness and wants to marry their girlfriend/boyfriend or a teenage pregnancy. So Aibu to think instead we should adopt the system of Texas where you must apply to the court to get married if you are 16-18 this way we could still protect people but make provision for the above cases?

However there are also young couples who may want to get married also situations if one has a terminal illness and wants to marry their girlfriend/boyfriend

OK, but what if they have a terminal illness and are 15? Or 14? 13? 12? This is no basis for allowing children to marry.

Even from some religious points of view it doesn't make sense for the age of consent and the age of marriage to be the same.
The age of consent is about whether you have sufficient understanding to exercise free will as regards desire.
The age of marriage is about whether you have sufficient understanding of matrimony as a sacrament and are prepared to live a sacramental life.
Obviously human understanding and socialization don't develop evenly! The second capacity is bound to develop much later than the first! And neither will develop as early as puberty (which can be 8 or 9 for girls). So it's adults' responsibility not to abuse.

I think the only reason that the age is stuck at 16 is because they don't want to lower the age of consent for sex (due to the risk of criminalizing too many teenagers and making it harder to get them supplied with BC etc.) but if they have an age of marriage that's higher than the age for sex, that's like admitting out loud that people have sex out of wedlock and there is still this discomfort about the state officially authorising this.

I think 16 is too young to make a lifelong decision. Frankly 18 probably is as well, but 18 is an adult.

@potter5

I married at 17. Been together 41 happy years. It depends on the individuals. No I wasn't pregnant. Had first child at 18 because we wanted to. Me and my DH have worked all our lives, have never been on benefits. It worked for us and still does.

In 1980 things were different and nobody seemed surprised that we were getting married.

Would it have affected anything if you got married at 18 instead?

I think it's right to raise it to 18. I used to work in immigration and I saw so many forced marriages - and lots of 16 year olds. Really awful stuff. Basically forced marriage is the biggest percentage rage of the 16-18 year old marriages - there are very few that you describe op where they're both young.

Some of the blokes are 3 times the brides age

@potter5

I married at 17. Been together 41 happy years. It depends on the individuals. No I wasn't pregnant. Had first child at 18 because we wanted to. Me and my DH have worked all our lives, have never been on benefits. It worked for us and still does.

In 1980 things were different and nobody seemed surprised that we were getting married.

I am the same age. Lots would have been surprised. You are obviously the exception to the rule. You did ok, and that's great, but lots don't and that's why. Would your life have been negatively affected by waiting an extra year? Probably not.

The age for a lot of things should be raised to 25 - marriage, driving, smoking for instance. Adolescence is extended these days, people like with their parents a lot longer, many can't even consider buying a home until their late twenties.

I have an 18 year old and a 16 year old. Both are far too immature to get married.

Different in the 1950s. Women didn’t have many rights then and status was provided by marriage. Babies born out of wedlock were taken away or frowned upon. Not the case now.

Why would anyone in 2021 in the U.K. want to get married at 18 or 16 or want their child married at 16 or 18?

I have a friend who got married at 16 and is still happily married to the same man over 40 years later. She wasn't pregnant when she got married, although they did plan to have children as soon as possible. It's possible that there was an element of wanting to get away from strict parents. The age gap between them was very small.

Despite their story having worked out well, on the whole I think that is a bit young to get married. I don't know what age I would advocate instead. I got married at 23 and am still happily married, but if I try to imagine my own DC (now 24 and 22) getting married, I feel like they are still too young. (But this may be because they haven't had any long-term relationships yet and I don't think they'd be emotionally ready.)

I think 20 might be a good compromise, as most people have been working or seriously studying for a couple of years by then and have more life skills than they had at 16 or 18. In some ways I wish there could be some kind of test of emotional maturity first, but I recognise that in practice it would be impossible to administer or quantify.

Texas is the last place we should be looking as a good example of government.

The world has changed since the present age for marriage came into being. School leaving age is higher, and there is greater awareness of what I would term 'dirty old men' and forced marriage.

I am 100% supportive of a minimum age of 18.

However there are also young couples who may want to get married also situations if one has a terminal illness and wants to marry their girlfriend/boyfriend

Reality isn't a John Green novel and these airy fairy unrealistic scenarios would be miniscule compared to the damage done by allowing it.

I’m with you @Pyewackect I think it should be 21, the same with drinking. Legal age for sex should be 18.

I would support raising the marriage age to 18. 16 is far, far too young. No kid needs to be getting married in their mid-teens.

I also agree that 18 is still far too young for my personally, but it's the age you can vote, buy an alcoholic drink and marks the point of being an adult, so I suppose 18 is the appropriate downward limit.

All under 18s are supposed to be in education or training, so getting married should be way down on their bucket list. I fully support 18 as a minimum age for marriages and actually for other things too, like driving, teen brains aren’t in full working order, and the frontal cortex, the bit responsible for decision making ,is the very last part to mature, so even 18 is young to be making major decisions.

@HahaAreyouSerious

However there are also young couples who may want to get married also situations if one has a terminal illness and wants to marry their girlfriend/boyfriend

Reality isn't a John Green novel and these airy fairy unrealistic scenarios would be miniscule compared to the damage done by allowing it.

Not just that , but it's not a good idea to have a 16/17 yo marry just to become a widow very soon after and/or carry the responsibility of NoK. There's too much possible emotional trauma and damage to be done and for what?

@potter5

I married at 17. Been together 41 happy years. It depends on the individuals. No I wasn't pregnant. Had first child at 18 because we wanted to. Me and my DH have worked all our lives, have never been on benefits. It worked for us and still does.

In 1980 things were different and nobody seemed surprised that we were getting married.

Glad it worked out for you.

But 40 years on how would you feel about your grandchildren getting married so young, because as you say, things are very different now. Be honest, would you rather they waited and got their education out of the way and a good start in a career.

The reason for me is that the WHO etc say it should be 18. The UK signalling support for this assists them.

The WHO also says women of childbearing age shouldn’t drink alcohol so it’s lost all credibility in my eyes. The number of marriages involving under 18s is minuscule - just over 3,000 in ten years. Maybe the government should find a real problem to deal with - like the tens of thousands of children living in poverty.

@ChainJane

The age for a lot of things should be raised to 25 - marriage, driving, smoking for instance. Adolescence is extended these days, people like with their parents a lot longer, many can't even consider buying a home until their late twenties.

Marriage and driving??? Really. So what age should we start recruiting police officers, paramedics, community nurses, firefighters etc...all of whom need to drive. How are those under 25s living outside towns and cities supposed to get to work? Ask the parents for a lift? at 25??

@ChainJane

The age for a lot of things should be raised to 25 - marriage, driving, smoking for instance. Adolescence is extended these days, people like with their parents a lot longer, many can't even consider buying a home until their late twenties.

25?!

At 17 I was living on my own, working, going to college and learning to drive.

At 18 my husband moved to another country.

I take it you didn’t do any of those things until 25+ as you couldn’t be trusted to do so?

My main concern is with girls from other cultures who are taken out of school and married off, never to return and gain any qualifications, so for that reason I think the age should be 18 at the very least.

...Happened to someone I know from school, actually, at 16. Taken to India and drugged by her own family to stop her from escaping, so she could be forced into an arranged marriage. She got away with the help of a supportive relative, thankfully.

There is no reason a 16 or 17 year old should ever get married.

Yabu what 16 year can't wait a few years before ruining their life (joking) still YABU.

One of my first cousins married at 16 and was pregnant. She didn't want to have a baby unmarried despite it being so praised on MN. She's still married.

At any rate, in the US, higher education has to be paid for/borrowed for up front, the rules on paying back the loans are not as flexible as here, and parents are expected to pay towards the funding for years and years. Some couples marry so they will be classed as independent and not have to rely on parents when it comes to their financial aid application.

And of course, Scotland hasn't increased marriage age and probably won't as they've lowered the voting age to 16 in Scottish elections.