Do you count as a ‘vegetarian’ if you don’t announce it?

[AnAwesomePossum]

I have realised as I’ve typed that it sounds like I’m being incredibly goady, but honestly I’m not! It was a philosophical thought.

My son (3) doesn’t eat meat. There is no real reason for this. He had a sausage a few months ago, some chicken a bit afterwards, but nothing in the past few months. I put meat on his plate, we cook it on BBQs, he even tells me he likes certain things (in a 3 year old way - “I don’t like chicken today but I do like it other days”) but he still won’t eat it. He may eat some of the meat at nursery but not sure if he doesn’t just pick around it.

This is fine. He eats eggs, cheese and peanut butter like it’s going out of fashion so I’m not worried.

So, in practice he is a vegetarian. In language he’s never described himself (or had an active thought) as one and wouldn’t know what they means. So is he a vegetarian (probably temporarily but who knows) or do you have to make a conscious thought to be one?

So if I put it in AIBU terms: AIBU to think he is NOT vegetarian until he has declared (or made a conscious thought) that he is one?

He isn’t vegetarian he just doesn’t eat much meat.

I agree, he is not a vegetarian at this stage, he just doesn't like meat.

Personally I think there’s a difference between not eating meat (because you don’t like the taste or whatever) and identifying as a vegetarian. The latter implies that you’re doing it for ethical/environmental reasons and you also might avoid leather or certain other animal products.

I think the only reason there is a need for anyone to declare themselves vegetarian is that we live in a carnivorous society by default, and we need a simple way to tell anyone we’re going to eat with that we don’t want to eat meat.

Yes, I think vegetarianism is a conscious decision not to eat meat, rather than just going a period of time without eating meat because you don’t fancy it. Not fancying meat is obvs a valid reason to make that decision, but I think it does have to be a decision.

Very interesting. Yes I think you are right.
It’s like the difference between a descriptor and an identifying feature.

Bit like how you can be a dancer (whenever you dance) or a Dancer (your job- part of your identity as a person).

We are all vegetarian in a way while we are eating vegetables and not meat. I was being vegetarian this afternoon when I had my leak and potato soup for lunch. This evening I shall be carnivorous as I am cooking a sausage casserole.

My friend however is a Vegetarian. It’s different!

Great question OP!

I think if he’s in a situation where other people have to cater for him and he refuses to eat meat (that sounds like I’m anti, which I’m not, just trying to be factual) then at some point you will have to declare on his behalf that he doesn’t eat meat even if you don’t use the V word. It sounds like he’d be happy to pick the pepperoni off the pizza and eat the rest for example, which very few vegetarians would.

My friend described herself as vegetarian because she didn't eat meat. Simply didn't like it, not for ethical reasons.

I think there could be distinction like with vegans. You have dietary vegans and ethical vegans.
Either way, result is the same (or greatly similar)🤔

@HippeePrincess

He isn’t vegetarian he just doesn’t eat much meat.

This is the long and short of it.

I think being vegetarian is a conscious decision. It is more than not eating meat, it is also not eating things that contain dead animal products (like jelly sweets, marshmallows etc).

He's not a vegetarian until he stops eating meat 😂
It's not like taking the bloody Pledge, you've got to stop doing it as well.

He just doesn't like meat - fair enough

If he was a vegetarian he'd also be avoiding Haribo (gelatine), soup made with chicken stock, and so on.

Equally you don't know that he doesn't eat it at nursery. I don't think I'd describe a child as veggie while his parents still serve him meat.

All the same, you could ask that he is classed as veggie at nursery if you want to. He doesn't need a label for that.

How is he a vegetarian if he eats meat

He’s not a vegetarian if he/you are happy for him to be served meat in his plate and if he “might” try it.

I’m vegetarian, my children aren’t. I wanted them to decide for themselves and they did.
When they were small, it was a texture thing, rather than not liking meat. So yes, spaghetti bolognaise, no to pork.
If he’s getting protein and minerals from a range of sources, he’ll be fine.

I think sometimes we get too hung up on the label. Although they are obviously useful when catering for people etc. He's a vegetarian in practice, I'd serve him the veggie option at dinner for example. But he's not veggie as an identity any more than I'm a non-porridge eater as an identity.

We are all vegetarian in a way while we are eating vegetables and not meat. I was being vegetarian this afternoon when I had my leak and potato soup for lunch. This evening I shall be carnivorous as I am cooking a sausage casserole

I take it you don't know about omnivores?

OP, your DS eats meat so isn't vegetarian, he's an omnivore, just like most humans.

The only time it is necessary to tell someone that you're vegetarian is when they're preparing/arranging food for you and you need to be given food without any meat in it.

The rest of the time you're free to choose your normal food that just about everybody eats like eggs, cheese, peanut butter or leek and potato soup, without making a song and dance about it.

Have you asked nursery what he eats when he's there?

He isn’t vegetarian he just doesn’t eat meat you cook at home. He probably would if someone else did it or it was prepped in a way he enjoyed. You just need to keep trying. I think half the issue here is that you seem to have given up / don’t care enough & aren’t giving him a variety of things to try. For example DS went off roast chicken a while ago so I offered poached, breaded, curried, minced, skin off skin on, pressure cooked, other types of poultry, and discovered he prefers it when it melts off the bone.

Don't label him just let him explore why.

He's 3. He just doesn't like meat that much. He may change his mind or he may double down.

I might describe him as vegetarian if we were going for a meal at someone's house, as it is a handy shorthand to let the host know what he won't eat. Or the nursery, etc.

What a strange thing to navel gaze about. Hardly one of life’s dilemmas is it.

Such an interesting discussion OP.
I like the way Cara has explained it above, I think that makes sense to me.

@OnOldOlympus

Personally I think there’s a difference between not eating meat (because you don’t like the taste or whatever) and identifying as a vegetarian. The latter implies that you’re doing it for ethical/environmental reasons and you also might avoid leather or certain other animal products.

I disagree. Identifying as a vegetarian means nothing more than saying you don't eat meat. The reasons are a completely different matter.