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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I want to become financially independent from my DH, does this sound fair?

59 replies

Chocolateemergency · 15/06/2021 16:07

I’m sick of DH being able to throw in my face that I only work part time so I’m thinking of changing the way we sort our money, and I don’t care if it means I have less than him. This is probably the start of the end for us.

Currently we pool all the money we both bring in, pay the bills, give ourselves equal amount of fun money and then save the rest.

We both owned properties when we got together. We lived in his and then rented out mine. We’ve subsequently moved to a bigger family home but it’s technically still his and my property is still rented. Although they’ve both always been seen as ours together given we’re married.

So my question is would I be unreasonable to class the rent from my property as my income? He earns double my salary but the rent is half my salary so would mean I bring in 3/4 of what he does. I would then still be able to pay half of all the bills including his
Mortgage.

OP posts:

KindergartenKop · 15/06/2021 16:10

If you pay his mortgage your name should be on the deeds.

Teacupsandtoast · 15/06/2021 16:18

It sounds like you have a fair arrangement if you both get the same amount of fun money? Do you work part time because of children? Why does he throw it in your face?

GreyEyedWitch · 15/06/2021 16:25

Why didn't you put the family home in both of your names?

I would say that you aren't entitled to claim the rent as your income but that the family home should be in both your names.

Orf1abc · 15/06/2021 16:26

You can class it however you wish, but it doesn't change the fact that the property is a marital asset and that you work part time. Your husband's digs won't change.

I'd focus on the wider issues in the marriage rather than semantics.

MangoBiscuit · 15/06/2021 16:30

If it is likely that this is the beginning of the end, then I would be wary of changing the status quo to one where you appear to have less financial need than him, or where you are liable for more of the family outgoings.

LawnFever · 15/06/2021 16:31

Why is the mortgage on the house you live in just in his name?

I mean yeah you could do this to be able to point out to him that the rental income is technically from your property but won’t you end up worse off if you currently get the same spends?

Do you have DC, is that why you’re part time? Could you go full time but then any child care costs are obviously 50/50?

LawnFever · 15/06/2021 16:31

@KindergartenKop

If you pay his mortgage your name should be on the deeds.

Doesn’t really matter if you’re married does it?

stackemhigh · 15/06/2021 16:33

He will just say the rental income is family money anyway so doesn't count towards your contribution as it's not 'earned' money.

What is the housework / cooking split? Does he realise that's work too?

To be honest, I'd worry more about getting all your ducks in a row and make sure he's not squirreling any savings away.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/06/2021 16:36

I'd be using your energies to end this shit marriage.

cheeseismydownfall · 15/06/2021 16:43

I’m sick of DH being able to throw in my face that I only work part time

This is the root of the problem. Changing the way you split your income and assets unfortunately won't change the fact you are married to an arsehole. I would just skip ahead to the bit where you divorce him.

aintnothinbutagstring · 15/06/2021 16:44

What's your end game? I don't really understand what you're trying to achieve by all of a sudden declaring your rental income as yours only and trying to cover a larger portion of the bills when you still earn far less than him so making yourself worse off

HollowTalk · 15/06/2021 16:56

I don't understand what you're doing, either. Why are you prepared to leave yourself with less money? If you want to leave this man then do so, but don't put yourself at a financial disadvantage.

Original poster

Chocolateemergency · 15/06/2021 17:01

Yes I work part time because of the children, but paying for childcare 5 days a week wouldn’t be a problem. I think he sees it as my choice and I’m costing us financially. He is very short sighted because he already goes on about how he can’t cope with everything so how would he fit in nursery runs, and splitting the house work etc. It comes up in any disagreement we have and he always says about me going back to work full time and him working part time.

The end goal is to leave but my plan is to wait just over a year until my property becomes vacant. I want to become financially independent of him in the meantime. I want to build up my own savings not joint savings.

Perhaps I would be better to just pool our money, split the rest 50/50 and then save and spend what I want out of my share. But that doesn’t feel like financial independence. That feels like I’m still relying on him.

OP posts:

DrSbaitso · 15/06/2021 17:02

@MangoBiscuit

Agreed.

PlanDeRaccordement · 15/06/2021 17:04

I haven’t voted because
YANBU to want to be financially independent.

But YABU to “So my question is would I be unreasonable to class the rent from my property as my income? He earns double my salary but the rent is half my salary so would mean I bring in 3/4 of what he does. I would then still be able to pay half of all the bills including his
Mortgage.”. Answer YES.

Why on Earth would you use your rental income to pay his mortgage? If it’s truly his property and the other one is your property, then no...you should pay NOTHING towards the mortgage on his property. The rental income should go towards a maintenance/void fund for the property, and any mortgage you have to pay on it. I agree it is YOUR income and should be classed as such. But do not use any of that to pay off HIS house.

pointythings · 15/06/2021 17:06

Changing where your rental income goes won't solve the problem. It isn't a money problem, it's a 'my husband is an asshole' problem. He has no right to throw anything in your face. If he would like you to work full time, he should ask you to sit down with him, work out with you how much more your take home would be, how much more your childcare would be and how the housework split would need to change. And then you could decide whether it is worthwhile or not.

But he wants to be a twat to you, and that needs addressing first.

PlanDeRaccordement · 15/06/2021 17:07

@aintnothinbutagstring

I agree with this too. Most rental properties don’t clear a lot of profit after you’ve covered the mortgage maintenance and taxes....so counting the income before all those expenses seems like you’d be worse off to me too.

stackemhigh · 15/06/2021 17:10

@MangoBiscuit

Very true.

Forestdweller11 · 15/06/2021 17:14

Echoing what others say

Plus if you say ' this is mine' and something goes wrong in the rental property (eg new boiler) is he likely to say 'but it's yours, nothing to do with me, you find the money for the bill '?

Sometimesfraught82 · 15/06/2021 17:16

Rather than expend your energies on this

Look into good local recommendations for divorce lawyers

Sounds a ghastly marriage

Ishoos · 15/06/2021 17:22

As you’re married, it’s all shared at divorce isn’t it? So regardless of who’s names properties, savings pensions are in etc it is all joint and the split needs to be agreed. I would consult a divorce lawyer in your circumstances.

partyatthepalace · 15/06/2021 17:25

I would pull out ALL your joint financial income OP and go see a solicitor. Don’t tell him as it’s just getting advice but it sounds like you guys will split up and it would make sense to make your plans accordingly with that in mind. There may be things you should or shouldn’t do now to max your child support when and if you split.

Sometimesfraught82 · 15/06/2021 17:27

I wouldn’t become financially independent before a divorce!

I speak from experience

The agreement will be based on your situation now, which is vulnerable with limited earnings.

So more from him.

SinkGirl · 15/06/2021 17:33

Obviously the main solution is that you need to leave him, but until then:

You say the property you live in his “technically his”. Is it actually his (eg. In his name only, you don’t contribute)? If so then it’s not technically unreasonable to say that the rental income from your property is your income. On the other hand, he doesn’t have a rental income because you’re both living in “his property”. Also at present you’re pooling and splitting 50/50 and it sounds like you’d be worse off if he kept his wage and you kept yours and the rental income?

Ignore his digs. You should be doing whatever will make it more possible for you to leave more sooner. You say you’re waiting for your property to become vacant so until then it sounds like continuing as you are is the best thing for you.

Don’t agree to going full time / him part time just to stop the digs as this may impact contact and maintenance with the children when you divorce.
However I would be saying he can’t have you both working more and his workload not going up - if he wants you to bring in more money he will have to pick up the slack with nursery runs and housework. Or he can STFU.

An0n0n0n · 15/06/2021 17:47

Well if you do this its going to result in an argument.

I think you're better taking time working out if you want to be all in or all out and putting your cards in the table.

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