I want to become financially independent from my DH, does this sound fair?

[Chocolateemergency]

I’m sick of DH being able to throw in my face that I only work part time so I’m thinking of changing the way we sort our money, and I don’t care if it means I have less than him. This is probably the start of the end for us.

Currently we pool all the money we both bring in, pay the bills, give ourselves equal amount of fun money and then save the rest.

We both owned properties when we got together. We lived in his and then rented out mine. We’ve subsequently moved to a bigger family home but it’s technically still his and my property is still rented. Although they’ve both always been seen as ours together given we’re married.

So my question is would I be unreasonable to class the rent from my property as my income? He earns double my salary but the rent is half my salary so would mean I bring in 3/4 of what he does. I would then still be able to pay half of all the bills including his
Mortgage.

I have read it. And many others like it. Disagreeing with someone is normal.
Couples argue. It is not always controlling behaviour and it is being labelled it very easily. She is planning to leave and wants to be on a more even level with her husband which is understandable. He has acknowledged the value of what she does in his statement that he couldn't cope of she worked full time. Many couples have arrangements where one works more while children are younger. How is it controlling exactly? Not nice to throw something in someone's face yes I agree but you don't know her part and his side. I just find this reaction too black and white when real life is not so cut and dry.
If she is leaving she should leave. I sometimes think people only ask them questions on the Internet to get a reply that suits them and not challenge them.
I will day that forums can be a lifeline and great support where people need it but I think after one post to outright call him an arsehole or imply he owed her is a but much

It’s controlling because on the one hand he gets to make OP feel like shit because she doesn’t bring in the same money as him and on the other hand he is telling her that she can’t work full time. He is not acknowledging anything, his behaviour designed to make OP feel like she is wrong whatever she does.

If she is leaving, she should leave.

Leave and go where?! She needs somewhere to go to and has a plan.

I think you are imagining that a financial change will mean your dh treats you with more respect, but this is really an interpersonal issue.

You should be on the mortgage of your family home.

The unpaid work you do when at home caring for dc has a value and should be recognised as such.

Yes I work part time because of the children, but paying for childcare 5 days a week wouldn’t be a problem. I think he sees it as my choice and I’m costing us financially. He is very short sighted because he already goes on about how he can’t cope with everything so how would he fit in nursery runs, and splitting the house work etc. It comes up in any disagreement we have and he always says about me going back to work full time and him working part time."

Where does he say she can't work full time? I think replying posters can read too much into posts and that's what I was pointing out. In a more general sense.
And also
I didn't say leave without a plan. But I think it's unfair to pretend for a year because she is waiting for the property to be vacant.

He has no respect for your work in your career or in supporting yours - HIS children. He only respects cash. Cold bastard.

@twinklemum87

Yes I work part time because of the children, but paying for childcare 5 days a week wouldn’t be a problem. I think he sees it as my choice and I’m costing us financially. He is very short sighted because he already goes on about how he can’t cope with everything so how would he fit in nursery runs, and splitting the house work etc. It comes up in any disagreement we have and he always says about me going back to work full time and him working part time."

Where does he say she can't work full time? I think replying posters can read too much into posts and that's what I was pointing out. In a more general sense.
And also
I didn't say leave without a plan. But I think it's unfair to pretend for a year because she is waiting for the property to be vacant.

He already goes on about he can’t cope with everything - this means he won’t do any extra childcare / housework if OP works FT.

And if he works part time and OP works full time, they are back at square 1 - lost money (which is important to him).

This man has no intention of working part time and taking on the bulk of the housework and childcare to support OP.

I just think if this was the other way around the advice would be different.

I know this isn’t the bigger issue - but can’t you both work part time? If you currently work three days and he works 5, work four days each - or four and a half? Reduces resentment and shares out the childcare and household Tasks evenly too. Also, to the posters saying ‘don’t do XXX because he will have to pay you child support’ - surely that is what the system is designed to do? Ensure parents share the costs of their children? It doesn’t matter which parent is paying, if the calculation says that they should - if you share custody equally then in most cases no one needs to pay. Seems odd to try to ‘beat’ that system

Well done for planning on getting away from him.

A SHL is key.