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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partners towel??

98 replies

Coatz · 15/06/2021 11:02

My DP hasn't put his towel into the wash basket to be washed for at least 2-3 months now it might be longer but I've lost track... I know it hasn't been washed as he doesn't even know how to work the machine. This is disgusting isn't it?

OP posts:
misskatamari · 15/06/2021 13:50

Yeah, that’s grim. But I think the issue here is that he thinks it’s okay to do zero around the house, that’s an utter piss take and I’d be having some serious words about that. It’s not fair on you, and I just find it so disrespectful that he thinks it’s okay for you to just do everything.

In terms of towels, we don’t laundry basket them here, I just grab them all for a hot wash once a week (or if I think they’re manky in between)

AlwaysLatte · 15/06/2021 13:51

I just gather up all the towels in the house twice a week and wash them so he wouldn't get the chance here!

TedHastingsweeDonkey · 15/06/2021 13:53

[quote Coatz]@tedhastingsweedonkey I don't just wash all the towels one day, I wash what is in the wash basket is that so hard to understand?
Not everyone's towel needs washing on the same day so they go into the basket to be done when I come across them.
If I washed everyone's towel on the same day then of course I would grab everyone's but thats not how I do it.[/quote]
Yeah I get that you do things differently which of course is your decision. But you've been looking at this filthy towels for God knows how long in anticipation that it will, one day, in fact end up in the laundry basket. Does it not smell? I couldn't bear it tbh...

Cocomarine · 15/06/2021 13:57

I’ve voted YABU because you choose to have a boyfriend who doesn’t know how to use a washing machine.

There are better men out there! Raise the bar!

PussGirl · 15/06/2021 14:17

I grab all towels whenever I'm washing towels - they never go into the basket as they'd most likely be damp & revolting. Towels become pretty smelly & nasty after a fortnight at most IMO.

Clothing has to be in the basket otherwise it doesn't get washed, even if I know it's needed for a special occasion - I'll drop hints rather than be completely mean, but I'll never trawl for dirty linen Grin

4amWitchingHour · 15/06/2021 14:56

My husband is like this - it's rank. I asked him why he hadn't put it in to wash and he said he likes it when it's softer (ie - after a billion uses). He seems to have forgotten we have a water softener and tumble dryer now, so towels aren't crispy like they were at our old flat. I still haven't washed it, I just steer clear. Blergh.

Dizzy1234 · 15/06/2021 15:04

Non issue, when I do a towel wash I grab oh's towel too, just wash your oh's towel or are you looking for an issue, I couldn't be arsed with "it's not in the washing basket it doesn't get washed" malarkey.
OH will put a wash on, put it on the line or in the dryer, we're a team.
Life's too short to worry about nonsense

namechange30455 · 15/06/2021 15:08

I do pretty much all the washing in our house but I'd have dumped a man who "didn't know how to use the washing machine" long before the towel got smelly!

OP I think most people wash towels separately as you aren't supposed to use fabric softener with them. So like PPs I just go about and grab all the towels once a week irrespective of where they are.

Newkitchen123 · 15/06/2021 15:11

The issue here is not about the towel

ElaborateSalad · 15/06/2021 15:16

Why do you do all the washing?

MadeOfStarStuff · 15/06/2021 15:18

I could never respect a grown adult who refuses to learn to operate a washing machine.

His towel is the least of your problems.

ElderMillennial · 15/06/2021 15:23

Either leave it, tell him he needs to put it in the wash more or just take it and wash it as you see fit.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/06/2021 15:25

@GreenCrayon

It would bother me more that the person I had chosen to be my partner was apparently incapable of learning to using a washing machine to be honest. It's hardly rocket science.
This.
Thefaceofboe · 15/06/2021 15:46

I honestly could not be in an adult relationship with someone who doesn’t know how to work a washing machine.

GreenCrayon · 15/06/2021 15:57

I think it's far more likely that he just hasn't thought about how often it might be appropriate to wash a towel. (But maybe my stereotyping is just as wrong as yours...)

I wasn't stereotyping I was going off what the OP had written and she freely admits he sees this sort of job as women's work.

Hankunamatata · 15/06/2021 17:04

Grim. Hpugh I have the opposite problem of towels being put into wash after one use as you never know who used the towel

Original poster
Coatz · 15/06/2021 18:19

@tedhastingsweedonkey I get your point, I haven't been thinking about it for the last few months all the time just on odd occasion I might think why has he not put it in to wash. But now I've realised it must have been months I dont think I can just keep looking at it. I'm going to ask him when he last put it in to be washed and see if he realises it's been that long. If I just wash it myself and never mention it he's never going to use his initiative.

OP posts:
Whywonttheyhelpme · 15/06/2021 21:29

You really need to pick your battles.

Every few days I go round and collect all towels from all bathrooms and chuck them in the wash together. It’s something that I always end up doing but hey ho, it’s not a big deal. Just like DH always puts all the bins out- he doesn’t complain about it being half my rubbish and insist I take my turn. Nitpicking over the small things is pointless and ridiculous.

NewlyGranny · 15/06/2021 21:38

I have a hot wash day once a week where bathtowels, handtowels, teatowels and dishcloths all go through and everything goes up fresh. If I left it to DH, who knows how long it would go?

On the other hand, he hoovers and shops and menu plans and does all the cooking, so nobody feels put-upon!

NewlyGranny · 15/06/2021 21:39

You can't leave him to get on with it, OP because if he gets fungal infections from his manky towel he'll share them!

dudsville · 15/06/2021 21:43

It sounds to me like you two are in a silent standoff to see who will give in first.

Sadiecow · 15/06/2021 21:46

The unwashed towel is not the issue

Sadiecow · 15/06/2021 21:47

I'm going to ask him when he last put it in to be washed and see if he realises it's been that long. If I just wash it myself and never mention it he's never going to use his initiative.

Jesus this is a grown man? How massively unattractive.

roobicoobi · 15/06/2021 21:47

I'm still baffled that there are women who believe a man cannot operate a washing machine. I bet he manages his smartphone, laptop/of and games console without any issues Hmm

LavendarMoon · 15/06/2021 21:47

I understand your washing system and yes, it’s gross that said towel hasn’t been washed for months... but what happened before now? Has he in the past always put his towel in the basket after a shorter time? Or have you always bunged it in the wash for him at some stage? Or has he been using the same towel ever since you started living together?!