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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Feeling very unsupported by partner

56 replies

Sda06 · 14/06/2021 17:10

Hi everyone,

Feeling a little bit upset over this actually and wondered if I'm just being a bit over-emotional and unreasonable.

The street where we live is very narrow and there's always a lot of cars parked either side of the road. Today whilst coming home with my partner and baby in the back the Amazon delivery van was blocking up the whole road. I drove down to where I saw a gap to try and pull in but it was a lot tighter than I thought so when the van moved forward to drive off he couldn't get past.
I asked my partner for help (he doesn't drive but I thought perhaps he could ask the driver to go back) as I didn't feel confident reversing back up the hill to let him out.
So my partner asked but the driver (for whatever reason) said he couldn't so it was all on me. I was starting to feel quite flustered at this point and tried tucking my car in but to no avail. This continued for a while and I was conscious there were other cars waiting behind me at the top of the hill.

The Amazon driver then got out of the van and was stood at my driver's window saying I needed to go all the way back and as I was reversing was walking alongside my car barking orders at me all whilst my partner just stood there like an absolute lemon. It was really embarrassing and I felt completely unsupported. If my partner would have maybe had my back and explained I've got a 7 month old in the back of the car or something or simply been a bit more helpful I would have felt much better.

I should add that I had gone out in the car to collect him from work too!

Anyway we are currently not speaking as I feel incredibly upset and embarrassed and he hasn't come to say anything about it to me. AIBU?

OP posts:
InTheNightWeWillWish · 14/06/2021 17:24

You could have told the Amazon driver that you had a 7 month old and that there were people behind you at the top of the hill. It doesn’t need your partner to do that. Plus if he doesn’t drive, he’s not necessarily in the best position to tell the Amazon driver if it’s easier for him to reverse.

I’m not really sure what you wanted your partner to do but then I’d have been annoyed with my husband if he assumed I couldn’t handle the situation myself and tried to step in.

Notimeforaname · 14/06/2021 17:27

Yes you as the driver, are responsible for the car and those in it. It's you who makes the decisions and manoeuvres to keep your car in check. You should not be on the road with passengers if you're relying on a non driver to help you stay calm. A fellow driver did advise you in the end. Yabu

nina3638 · 14/06/2021 17:30

if you can’t deal with this kind of stuff you shouldn’t be driving imo

30degreesandmeltinghere · 14/06/2021 17:33

Imo you should never rely on someone else whilst driving. Especially a non driver...
And you should be able to deal with all situations as a qualified driver yourself...

Pinot4evs · 14/06/2021 17:35

Sorry but YABU, if your not confident in driving then you shouldn’t be doing so especially with a 7MO in the back.

LoopTheLoops · 14/06/2021 17:35

YABU

ScottishNewbie · 14/06/2021 17:36

That sounds like a really stressful situation. Having a baby in the car adds to the stress of driving safely.
I think your partner could have been a little more proactive with directing you and offering words of encouragement. Not being able to drive doesn't mean he doesn't have eyes and the ability to direct you or a mouth to encourage and maybe take the pressure off the situation with the Amazon driver

Shitfuckcommaetc · 14/06/2021 17:36

Not sure how a 7mo stops you reversing tbh.

If you can't handle situations like this, then should you really be driving?

Hsurbbrb · 14/06/2021 17:37

You asked your partner to ask the delivery driver to move, and he did. The driver said no. I’m not sure what else you wanted him to do. Your partner can’t drive so there’s not much else he can do to help.

pinkyredrose · 14/06/2021 17:37

Why would telling the driver you had a 7 month old in the car change anything?

I sympathise though, it's horrible being flustered while driving when you can feel peoples eyes on you. Your partner sounds useless.

namechange30455 · 14/06/2021 17:38

Sorry but I agree with the other posters. I understand you were panicky and embarrassed but you need to not rely on your partner to deal with situations for you.

And not sure what difference the fact you had a 7mo in the car makes either! I'd be Hmm if someone said oh you have to reverse, I can't because I've a baby in the car...

ChocoCraft · 14/06/2021 17:38

I can understand why you were feeling upset and flustered, it was a stressful situation for you - especially with a baby in the back. We’ve all been flustered driving before (well I have anyway) so you have my sympathy.

It’s not your partner’s fault though, your partner did exactly what you asked him to do and asked the driver if he could back up. The driver said he couldn’t. Your partner doesn’t drive so doesn’t have the skill and the confidence that would go with it to say “actually you can do.”

Hsurbbrb · 14/06/2021 17:39

@ScottishNewbie

That sounds like a really stressful situation. Having a baby in the car adds to the stress of driving safely. I think your partner could have been a little more proactive with directing you and offering words of encouragement. Not being able to drive doesn't mean he doesn't have eyes and the ability to direct you or a mouth to encourage and maybe take the pressure off the situation with the Amazon driver
If the op needs her unqualified partner sat next to her ‘directing and offering words of encouragement’ so that she can drive competently, then she shouldn’t be driving.
karalime · 14/06/2021 17:40

What were you expecting him to do? “How dare you speak to my woman like that?! Even though she might be wrong since I can’t don’t know about driving!”

I don’t understand how having a baby in the car means that you can’t reverse.

tabctrlnoanykey · 14/06/2021 17:40

It’s safer to reverse up a hill rather than down it, according to the Highway Code therefore you should have been able to do it. Practice it when no one is around! And yes your chosen partner in life should have asked him not to bark at you, as that would only have made you more flustered 💐

copperpotsalot · 14/06/2021 17:41

Amazon delivery drivers are in and out like ninjas... if you'd just waited and let the person do their job there would have been no drama.

Myxisaprat · 14/06/2021 17:42

What’s the fact you’d a 7month old in the car got to do with your ability to drive?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 14/06/2021 17:45

Sorry OP, I'm not sure what else you'd have wanted your partner to do.

TempName01 · 14/06/2021 17:45

These replies are so harsh, your partner could have helped guide you from outside the vehicle as you were in a tight spot, I completely understand how you got flustered and it does not make you a bad driver.

alwayswithhope · 14/06/2021 17:46

What does having a 7 month old in the back got to do with your driving ability?

cupsofcoffee · 14/06/2021 17:47

I think you just panicked.

But what does having a baby in the car have to do with your ability to reverse straight back up a hill?

GertietheGherkin · 14/06/2021 17:56

Yep totally unreasonable vote from me too. It's a bit pointless expecting a non driver to help you out driving. You asked your partner to ask the Amazon driver to move, they said "No"... What on Earth were you expecting from him, and your 7 month to do exactly? The Amazon drivers I've ever witnessed are amazing on the roads... So he directed you through the situation. That's alarming in itself, as you should know what to do... Especially going out in your car with a baby!
You've unfairly blamed your partner for not supporting you, when he did. The mood you were in probably would have him being told "I don't need your help, I'm the driver" seems he was damned if he did, and damned if he didn't... And now you're not speaking to him either. Poor bloke 🙄

zoemum2006 · 14/06/2021 17:58

If my husband spoke for me in a situation like that he'd feel the sharp end of my tongue! I don't need a man to speak for me.

GertietheGherkin · 14/06/2021 18:00

@TempName01

These replies are so harsh, your partner could have helped guide you from outside the vehicle as you were in a tight spot, I completely understand how you got flustered and it does not make you a bad driver.
The Amazon driver sorted it out! He being a driver would have been much better placed to do it. The OP driving into a too tighter spot didn't help. It seems it needed the Amazon driver, the partner and a 7mth baby needing to be involved to remedy the situation according to the OP
KingdomScrolls · 14/06/2021 18:03

Why couldn't you reverse because you had a 7 month old in the car? Were they screaming and being a distraction? If so your partner could've dealt with that while you reversed the car. If you can't reverse up a road because there are parked cars you need to think about doing more driving lessons.