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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU? Feeling very unsupported by partner

56 replies

Sda06 · 14/06/2021 17:10

Hi everyone,

Feeling a little bit upset over this actually and wondered if I'm just being a bit over-emotional and unreasonable.

The street where we live is very narrow and there's always a lot of cars parked either side of the road. Today whilst coming home with my partner and baby in the back the Amazon delivery van was blocking up the whole road. I drove down to where I saw a gap to try and pull in but it was a lot tighter than I thought so when the van moved forward to drive off he couldn't get past.
I asked my partner for help (he doesn't drive but I thought perhaps he could ask the driver to go back) as I didn't feel confident reversing back up the hill to let him out.
So my partner asked but the driver (for whatever reason) said he couldn't so it was all on me. I was starting to feel quite flustered at this point and tried tucking my car in but to no avail. This continued for a while and I was conscious there were other cars waiting behind me at the top of the hill.

The Amazon driver then got out of the van and was stood at my driver's window saying I needed to go all the way back and as I was reversing was walking alongside my car barking orders at me all whilst my partner just stood there like an absolute lemon. It was really embarrassing and I felt completely unsupported. If my partner would have maybe had my back and explained I've got a 7 month old in the back of the car or something or simply been a bit more helpful I would have felt much better.

I should add that I had gone out in the car to collect him from work too!

Anyway we are currently not speaking as I feel incredibly upset and embarrassed and he hasn't come to say anything about it to me. AIBU?

OP posts:

SnarkyBag · 14/06/2021 18:09

Yeah sorry but this isn’t your partners fault. You misjudged the space by driving up to the Amazon van and then got flustered at the prospect of reversing. Expecting a non driver to guide you through that is pointless and the baby is irrelevant. If you’re still upset now even though you managed to reverse and lived to tell the tale then there’s a chance your being way over sensitive about the whole thing and maybe a bit prone to not coping under pressure.

TSSDNCOP · 14/06/2021 18:12

Bad day at the office OP, chalk it down to delivery drivers being without doubt the most entitled arses on the road at the moment. That goes for skip lorries, Amazon and bloody John Lewis too. We have a DHL driver that delivers to our office that demands Reception calls drivers down from meetings to move for his stupid truck. Having been summoned from an interview last week I assure you he won't ask me to move again.

I understand they're on the clock, but it's not like they're delivering organs for sodding transplant and can't cooperate with other road users.

randomkey123 · 14/06/2021 18:12

If you can't reverse your car, you shouldn't be driving. Especially with a baby in the car.

Dobbyisahouseelf · 14/06/2021 18:12

Sounds like you got in a panic/flustered. To be honest as the driver you are in charge of the car and I'm not sure what you expected your non driving husband to do.

If you don't feel comfortable reversing then perhaps invest in a few lessons with an instructor to boost confidence.

HerMammy · 14/06/2021 18:12

Does having a baby in the car render you incapable of reversing?
I drive a large van for my business and it infuriates me when ppl in cars seem unable /reluctant to reverse when they are the ones blocking roads.
If you cannot reverse up your own road, sell the car!!

ScribblingPixie · 14/06/2021 18:13

I'm with you, OP. I get really flustered by reversing and manoeuvring under pressure, and I'd have wanted my partner to step in & tell the Amazon driver to help me rather than harass me, if that's what was happening. Having said that, I think you should improve your driving & practice some manoeuvres so you feel more in control. I lost my confidence & stopped driving because of this sort of thing, which is really stupid of me.

Shoxfordian · 14/06/2021 18:15

Yabu
You shouldn’t be driving if you can’t cope with reversing

Aprilx · 14/06/2021 18:16

It does sound like a stressful scenario, I don’t particularly like reversing for a long distance either. But I honestly cannot fathom what else your partner could have done, it sounds like it was a fairly intricate manoeuvre and a non driver would not have been able to guide you correctly. The driving would be the same whether there is a seven month old in the back or not and you are just being silly mentioning that.

HerMammy · 14/06/2021 18:18

fairly intricate manoeuvre
reversing up her own street?
that’s worrying that is how you view it, from MN I think a lot of ppl shouldn’t be on the roads.

gottakeeponmovin · 14/06/2021 18:22

Do you need a man to talk for you? I think you were born in the wrong century

Flowers500 · 14/06/2021 18:30

…it sounds like the Amazon driver helped you, and you wanted your DP to have a go at him?

Blossomtoes · 14/06/2021 18:34

@Shitfuckcommaetc

Not sure how a 7mo stops you reversing tbh.

If you can't handle situations like this, then should you really be driving?

I wondered how long that would take. Sooner than I thought.

Original poster

Sda06 · 14/06/2021 18:37

Wow a little bit taken aback by some of the less constructive criticisms here... 😅

Yes my little one was screaming in the back at the time (she's currently not a fan of her car seat).

In terms of 'needing a man to speak for me' my partner had got out as the driver was some way down the road past the parked cars so he wouldn't have been able to hear me... I can assure you it's not some Victorian-esque sense of entitlement. The driver had stopped where the road becomes wider hence my frustration as from what I could see he could have easily gone back slightly.

I should have perhaps added that I'm in a new and bigger car than I'm used to so I've been getting used to tight manoeuvres again. Our road is notorious for bumps and scrapes!

Now I've calmed down a bit I can see I was probably quite flustered and not being totally reasonable on my partner. Thanks for the feedback folks

OP posts:

notanothertakeaway · 14/06/2021 18:41

Was the Amazon driver really "barking instructions at you? Sounds like he was giving you guidance / direction / help

And he had right of way, as he was coming uphill

And probably easier to manoeuvre a car than a van

And if your DP doesn't drive, he might not be the best person to give directions

I sympathise, in yiur shoes I would have been flustered too, but it's not worth falling out over

billy1966 · 14/06/2021 18:51

Sounds stressful with a screaming baby.

You have my sympathy.

cupsofcoffee · 14/06/2021 18:53

Yes my little one was screaming in the back at the time (she's currently not a fan of her car seat).

Could your partner not have taken the baby?

ArabellaScott · 14/06/2021 18:56

Oh, I hate these kind of situations, OP. You have my sympathy. Driving can be stressful, reversing a long distance is not easy, having someone bark at you is unpleasant, especially with a wee one in the back unhappy. We've all had days like that.

Have a chilled evening and try and put it out of your mind.

LilMidge01 · 14/06/2021 19:00

Sounds stressful but I dont understand why your partner had to sort it out...? And it sounds like the amazon delivery driver was being helpful, even if abrupt. Sorry but I think you need a slightly thicker skin. Even if he was being a bit abrupt, how would your partner wading in with a whole "dont you speak to my woman like that...she has a baby you know!(whatever that has to do with anything)" have helped the situation at all? A bust up is the last thing you needed. You needed advice and help of a more competent driver...the amazon delivery man

WellLarDeDar · 14/06/2021 19:04

Sounds like you're things out on your partner. It's not his fault and if you're not comfortable to manoeuvre the car you're driving ... drive something smaller? I get it can be stressful, I get flustered sometimes when driving, but at that point you have to be an adult and handle it like an adult and not expect other people to fix things for you.

WellLarDeDar · 14/06/2021 19:05

*you're taking things out

GalaxyGirl24 · 14/06/2021 19:07

YANBU. I would have expected support as well from DH.

Just because you can drive and are currently driving the car doesn't mean you won't get flustered in a stressful situation. I definitely would have felt the same.

However, you do need to tell your partner for future reference so he knows if it stresses you out x

Howshouldibehave · 14/06/2021 19:10

whilst my partner just stood there like an absolute lemon

What exactly do you think he should have done? What would have been helpful in that situation?

Watchingyou2sleezes · 14/06/2021 19:15

Pains me that people who shouldn't be on the road actually are.
Clearly a wet drip too, if you are as shit at driving as it seems, should have just got out of the car and walked to your door whilst telling the 'professional' driver to do one. He/she would have been in far more of a hurry than you...
Soon as they fucked off- jump back in the motor and away you go..

30degreesandmeltinghere · 14/06/2021 19:17

I would have been fuming if my dh had started giving me driving advice!

Howshouldibehave · 14/06/2021 19:18

If your baby was screaming and your partner had got out of the car, could t you have asked him to get the baby out as well?

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