Ex partners new girlfriend

[Stepmumissues]

Name change for this as very very outing.

So not to drip feed, I split with my ex partner 12 years ago, we had 4 children together. We split when the youngest was 2. He was lazy, abusive and controlling, best decision I have ever made.
Ex never paid full CM as he could never afford it, apparently and would only ever see the children every 6 weeks for one night, this then went to every 3 months.
Since Dec 2019 he has only seen the youngest 2 for 4 hours, the eldest 2 washes their hands of him years ago.
Yesterday was his birthday and he had arranged to see the youngest 2 (twins) and take them out to a restaurant.
His new girlfriend was there, and made little digs throughout the meal to the twins about me, saving that your dad gives your mum maintenance money every month, and that I should not get any money as she didn't and I was a bitch for demanding the money, which is £200 less than he should be paying per month. That I took the family home off him, he was paid out back in 2011 and that I should be giving him half the equity from the house, which he left me in over 50k of debt that I did not know about.
New girlfriend then started calling me a c&nt and that when the twins grow up she will tell them the truth and that they should open their eyes and that I am evil. The twins then answered back saying that don't talk about my mum like that and left the restaurant asking for their dad to take them home.
Girlfriend follows the twins out and starts calling them names and threatens to punch their teeth in and call them rude little c£nts and ugly bitches. Telling them to grow up and flicks the bird at them.
Twins come home, where their dad has been crying in the car, saying that he will be homeless if he splits up with her and that they should not tell me anything about what happened. He is emotionally abusing the twins to get his own way.
I have no contact with him anymore as I received death threats off him and that I should watch my back, and he will be out to get me.
Do I contact him? Do I stop the very limited contact that he has with the twins who are old enough to arrange to see him.
Am I unreasonable to ban the girlfriend from seeing the twins.

[Stepmumissues]

@HelgaDownUnder

Are your other children close to the twins?

They might be able to counsel their younger siblings about how life has never been better since the went NC with their father.

What do the twins think about their siblings dumping your ex?

The twins are ok, with their siblings not seeing their Dad, one of the twins is incredibly disinterested in their Dad, and can take him or leave him. The other twin wants desperately to be loved and not let down by her dad.

[Stepmumissues]

@faithfulbird20

Err no I wouldn't let my kids near the monster gf not the psycho ex partner.

She'll fall off her high horse and it's obvious he's been having a good gossip about you to her otherwise why say those things. He probably told her lies about himself so she'd let him stay and that's why he was crying. Worried he'd get chucked out. Don't let him meet ur kids. Shouldn't he be taking out ur kids on their birthday and not his?

He could not be bothered to see the twins on their birthday, he is so selfish that it's all about him and what he wants.
He messaged one of the twins about 4 weeks ago and reminded them it was his birthday and Father's Day soon and to get him something nice.

[MrsWobbleTheWaitressIsTired]

@fantastaballs

I think the priority here is to get your twins some form of counselling or therapy so that they can come to terms with their fuckwit of a father and his total lack of affection, regular contact etc and also to address their self esteem issues. I spent 18 from my teen years until my 30th birthday trying to understand why my dad didn't care about me . It vastly affected me and pushed me towards some very risky behaviours where I was abused by older men. I spent time having intensive therapy and I realised that my dad did care, just not like the vast majority of dads so. He was seriously flawed as a person. I learned how to increase my own feeling of self worth without it being dependent on him and it was life changing for me. If I had been able to get that sort of therapeutic engagement at 14-15 years old my life would be HUGELY different now ( in the best way).

In short, give your girl the tools now to build themselves up, so when he crawls back they are resilient enough to tell him where to go and it's not negatively affect their self worth.

Snap. I spent from 11 until I had my eldest wondering why I was so unloveable. Turns out my dad is just a useless person. It's on him.

Counselling for your twins and for you. Good luck op.

[Sceptre86]

I absolutely would cut off contact. Yes at 14 the 'right' thing to do would be to involve them in the decision but he is an almighty waste of space and sorry excuse of a human let alone dad. No decent dad would stand by whilst someone abused their children right infront of them. He isn't fit to be around them and will do more harm than good longterm. Even if you say he can see them without his girlfriend what are the chances that he will stick to that? Tour children won't find the loving father they want in him. its sad but that is the way it is.

As for the whole twin and troll thing, honestly haven't any of you been on the pregnancy boards, many posters on there have multiples. Instead of derailing the thread why not just report it?